Children "dumped" no one will help. Police and SS useless.

[CadburyPurple]

A divorced mother of 4 children took them to the home of her ex sister in law and left them there saying she'll have them back on Monday.

The ex husband is homeless so has nowhere to have the children but his ex-wife says it's his weekend and his problem. But he isn't around, just his sister who has 3 children of her own, so no room for them.

Social services say the children have a home so they won't get involved, despite them being dumped on someone who can't care for them. The police say it's up to social services.

It's the neighbour of a good friend who is trying to support her but is at a loss. Surely SS have to take responsibility?

He is jobless and literally homeless, where is he getting this extra money from?

Poor life choices? Is that what happened? What if the wife had an affair but got to keep the home? Maybe after the costs of divorce he couldn't afford private rent when his work accommodation finished? Single men are like -1000 on the priority list for council housing.

My husband's sibling is not the alternative parent when my husband isn't available for parenting duties.

Yeah the mum here may be sick of watching her own kids and not having the ex do his part but why is it his sister's responsibility to step in in his stead? She can't afford to feed/host her brother's children. The mother of these kids didn't give a shit, she just dumped them on an unwilling person and damn right I'd be calling SS. Let the mother go through the proper legal channels to force contact, don't just dump the kids on someone related to her ex!

Agree with this. I commented above with my thoughts but there’s not enough info or context to actually base an opinion on this.

@CadburyPurple why on earth is aunt threatening to go to the police station? I hope these conversations are not in earshot of the kids?! Kids pick up on everything so I imagine they must have caught wind of what is going on.

Aunt needs to hold off on her anger, stay and calm and put the kids first in this situation. The most important thing is for the kids to feel safe and happy, how awful.

This family sound terrible all round to be honest.

The mother is using her children as chess pieces, and a woman she isn't related to. None of this has anything to do with exSIL. Terrible parents.

Welfare call to police for the mum. She’s either v fucked off or v upset. Either could have a bad ending.

Totally agree. The mum sounds like she's reached the end of her tether with a man who doesn't do his share of the parenting. As many PPs have said, it's HIS contact time, therefore HE should be the one looking after them, whether it's at a relative's home or by taking them out somewhere, or arranging childcare.

If he's jobless and homeless, he's presumably not paying maintenance either - more pressure on the kids' mum.

So if it's his weekend to have them he should book a hotel perhaps?

What's his excuse for not seeing his kids if this is his scheduled weekend?
Too busy job and flat hunting to answer his phone?

That's pretty easy to say when you're not in that position though. I doubt the aunt is ignoring them or being rude, but if she doesn't have the money, she doesn't have it. She needs to prioritise her own kids at the end of the day.

Sadly, lots of people don't have enough money to feed four extra children at the drop of a hat, especially not for 2-3 days.

If the job loss and homelessness is very recent what exactly do people expect him to do? The man has no job and nowhere to live through no fault of his own and it can take 6 weeks for benefits to be sorted, even supposing he has an address to give.

The mother sounds like she's making a point at the expense of her kids. It's a poor choice on her part.

Why people are saying its the aunt's problem to fix is beyond me, she has had extra kids dumped on her. DH and I are financially ok but would struggle to house and feed 4 extra people. We certainly wouldn't have enough beds or blankets.

My sister and I were dumped with my uncle and aunt when our parents split.

It still hurts now and I'm not completely sure that I've ever forgiven either of them for it. They were too busy scoring points off each other to realise that my sister and I were the collateral damage.

Those poor poor kids

This 100% and I would say u can be equally angry at both mother and father. Whatever is happening with ur ex partner , u do not just dump ur 4 children to a relative of them. Its completely unacceptable.

Wait , is this in the U.K. ?

What is it with the Mumsnet Brigade that fathers MUST have regular visitation with their children?

Because the children have a right to a relationship with their father. It’s not about giving mum a break (although that’s no bad thing in itself), or about forcing dad to step up - the kids have a right to see their parent.

@Glenthebattleostrich because it is about families rallying together in times of need and not expecting the state to intervene. It’s about putting the kids first and nothing about the kids going into care for the weekend or sitting at a police station (which is what would happen if she went down that road) is going to be in the kids best interests. How traumatic for them.

Aunt needs to step up and support them and deal with parents and social services Monday.

The dad had responsibility to the kids regardless of his situation. It's not that he 'can't have them' it's that he even feels it's a choice. It's not.

It was his weekend, he should have made plans. And as others said the least he could do is speak to his sister to support them for the weekend in some form.

We don't have enough information here to sort out the historical rights and wrongs, but with the current cost of living crisis this won't be the last case like this. The cost of food for four extra mouths is not trivial.

I'd be a bit concerned that as it's half-term mother might be hoping the children will stay where they are longer than Monday. Sounds like all concerned are at the end of their rope. Poor kids.

It sounds like there are 2 adults who need to put their history aside and talk to each other to find a solution.

Yes he has lost his job and home suddenly and that's going to cause a disruption to the contact plans and finances.

But

She may have a job at the weekend or some other reason why she needs him to have the kids.

A conversation and being willing to make do and put aside feelings could have solved this on a temporary basis. He could have gone to her house each day to be with his kids while she was at work. He could have arranged to have them during the day a5 another family members or even just taken them to the park for a few hours if she just needed a break.

Dumping the kids at SILs is a nuclear option which suggests a huge amount of frustration and desperation.

The mother sounds like an absolute fucking disgrace. As does the father. It's grossly unfair to expect SIL to look after them without prior consent. Neither should she be guilt tripped into looking after them.

@Badger1970 exactly- it’s an awful situation for the kids let alone if aunt now involves the police or ss. As you have outlined, this screams emotional abuse perpetrated by parents just to score points off each other.

The problem here is that as a single mother the childrens DM is most likely dependant on him having them EOW so she can work. Should she also lose her job/their home because he has lost his? It’s an impossible situation really. Are there no other relatives he could approach for help?

So she dumps them on another single mum who already has 3 of her own?

Actually @Forky1 the aunt doesn't have that responsibility, the parents do. The aunt has been put in an impossible situation and I feel for her in this. If she can't afford food for the kids what do you expect her to do? What about her plans for the weekend.

I accept that the mother may need more support but equally I know some single parents who allow zero flexibility in any situation.

@CadburyPurple yes more than likely. I, my parents and my other siblings had this for around 14 years with my nephews. Both parents did not give a shit and both parents would turn up at my parents and dump the kids, would refuse to pick them up from school and it happened over & over again, espically when both parents had yet again split up. Was very dysfunctional and the only people who suffered were the kids. One has severe behavioural issues (not surprisingly). Social services took no notice and regarded all reports as malicious.

My advice would be to keep them for the weekend only because that is what is best for the kids. Put a report into social services and the school (who need to be aware when kids are going through this shit). For us, social services wouldnt listen so my advice to try and stop this happening again is to get social work to listen even if that means turning up at their offices It's a shit situation, and very stressful and such a shame for the kids.