Children "dumped" no one will help. Police and SS useless.

[CadburyPurple]

A divorced mother of 4 children took them to the home of her ex sister in law and left them there saying she'll have them back on Monday.

The ex husband is homeless so has nowhere to have the children but his ex-wife says it's his weekend and his problem. But he isn't around, just his sister who has 3 children of her own, so no room for them.

Social services say the children have a home so they won't get involved, despite them being dumped on someone who can't care for them. The police say it's up to social services.

It's the neighbour of a good friend who is trying to support her but is at a loss. Surely SS have to take responsibility?

Or he could stay the weekend in the home the children live with they’re mother and she stay at a friends. I had to do this a few times when my mum was dieing of cancer. I did put them to bed before I left and was back before they were up. Ex had an early start.

Why couldn't he have them at his ex's house? Even for the daytime so mum could get a break?

He doesn't just get to opt out of his responsibilities as a parent.

I hate this. My ex hasn't had his kids once in 8 years. Nobody has the right to a 'break' from their kids. You can't force a man to have his kids. I work in child protection and I had a mother tell me to 'go fuck myself' when I informed her that there was nothing I, the courts or the police could do to make her ex husband have his kids at the weekend to give her a break. It's shit but it's reality.

It very much sounds like the mum and dad don’t have a good relationship though, I think it’s incredibly unlikely she’d let the kids and her homeless, jobless ex stay in her house all weekend considering she’s just literally abandoned them.

I'm baffled at how the OP knows all these tiny, minute details about her friend's neighbour's family.

Either way, those poor kids and the poor friend's neighbour.

Maybe the ex wouldn’t let him? Especially if she’s wanting to use her house herself

@Glenthebattleostrich yes I do feel for aunt. However, the kids are the helpless ones in all this and if I was aunt, I would make those sacrifices to make sure my nieces and nephews were looked after this weekend and try to make the best of a bad situation for them. It’s not always about who has responsibility, it’s about doing the right thing by the kids. She can deal with social services next week who will no doubt pick this up.

Ss are stretched. There will be no foster care placements (emergency ones are few and fair between) so it will likely result in the kids spending hours sitting at the police station, waiting. How awful. With no money in the world, I would not put my nieces and nephews through that. If I had no money, I would call on the goodwill of those around me to ask for some pasta and tomato sauce etc to ensure they are fed.

Why are you baffled? Clearly people have talked about this complex situation in detail and the friend has told OP… just like she’s managed to tell us here. It’s really not that hard to work out.

Some people don't have that option @Forky1 and again, it's the parents creating this situation not the aunt so they are the ones who need to manage the children. Yes it's awful for the kids but that's not the aunt's doing.

Given that the food problem has now been solved by helpful neighbour, why the hell is aunt still heading to police station? Surely however tiny her flat is, no amount of overcrowding for 36 hours would be worse for the children than being dumped into care? I hope dad is bringing his sleeping bag/duvet and pillows with him to lend her.

I assume that the people advising him to just check into a travel lodge haven't calculated the disparity between a week's job seekers allowance and the cost of two nights in a family room in even the cheapest hotel.

Their mother dumped them, I'd be fuming with her. It is abuse to do that to a child and the poor aunt, what is she can't afford to feed 4 extra kids for 2 days? Does she go without, do her children go without?

The father is homeless and he presumably doesn't know what his ex has done.

She should lose custody.

Is the mum answering her phone?

my concern is this her way of permanently getting them to SS (I understand her possible despair).

No, we can’t make men have their children, but we can slam a mother who’s been raising 4 kids alone for dropping them at their Aunts when it was Dads weekend, apparently.

No, the mother isn’t correct to do this. Maybe she has to work, maybe she can’t afford to take the time off, especially now there will be no child support coming in.

I’d wager the father had plenty of notice about his job/home. And now he’s looking for a house share so will be able to continue to opt out of parenting.

Massive back story here I reckon.

But the father has dumped them on the mother this weekend, should he lose custody too?

So in the current economic climate anyone who loses their job is a waste of space, particularly if they had tied accommodation.

Which he will have had notice on, unless he was sacked for something awful

I don't think SiL intends to actually take them to the police - it's a threat to try to get the mother to step up, I imagine.

It was a shock to the entire village when father's place of work closed down suddenly. Functions booked and all sorts. Only a couple of weeks ago.

The onus is on the mother.She must make sure the children are safely handed over.
An analogy would be a oarent didn't show up at school pick up, they couldnt just dump them on another child's parents.

He hasn't dumped them, he did the responsible thing and said I don't have anywhere to have them. Or do you think he should maybe sleep in a doorway with 4 kids?

Having your own children is not having them dumped on you, she's their mother.

If a business shuts suddenly it’s common for staff not to get prior notice. Do you remember the thing with that big ferry company in the news last year? It’s 100% possible he didn’t get notice.

Surely the dad is the most unreasonable. Its his weekend, he doesn't even pick them up to go to the park and is uncontactable.

How do you know? A business can close down overnight.

Why on earth would you want them to go into foster care? How traumatic for them. There must be a reason why she’s left the children there - has he previously had the children at that house on his weekends? It doesn’t make sense why they’d be left with an Aunt randomly. Could he have been telling her that’s where he is staying?

Presumably he knows the kind of woman his ex is and if he took them to the park she wouldn't let them back in.

I mean the mum wouldn’t get out of living with her children if she lost her job. Yet a dad just shrugs his shoulders and says soz can’t have em. Likely again because no mum does this after one weekend of missed contact.

He could of still taken them out to a park during the day time hours and giving mum any kinds of break or let her have chance to work. He decided he can just say fuck it but yet people are mad when mum matches his fuck it. It’s his time his responsibility the sister should be mad at him for ignoring his own children.