Children "dumped" no one will help. Police and SS useless.

[CadburyPurple]

A divorced mother of 4 children took them to the home of her ex sister in law and left them there saying she'll have them back on Monday.

The ex husband is homeless so has nowhere to have the children but his ex-wife says it's his weekend and his problem. But he isn't around, just his sister who has 3 children of her own, so no room for them.

Social services say the children have a home so they won't get involved, despite them being dumped on someone who can't care for them. The police say it's up to social services.

It's the neighbour of a good friend who is trying to support her but is at a loss. Surely SS have to take responsibility?

Gosh this is messy isn’t it. Im
amazed social services aren’t more interested!!

I suspect OP is aunt.

What an awful situation for the children. Aunt can’t hold onto them for the weekend and would rather social services take them into care?! How sad.

I suspect social services will follow up in the week but maybe not high enough priority for out of hours service. This situation is actually emotional abuse so both parents need to step up. The children are being used as a weapon by mum and dad. These adults should be ashamed of themselves.

I would keep them this weekend for the kids sake. She may be making a point (to the wrong person) but it could happen again and clearly is difficult for the aunt given her circumstances.

I would send emails/web contact to social services/the police and the kids schools, followed up by phone next week, stating what has happened and making it clear that it must not occur again and if it does, aunt will not take responsibility and will call all agencies and officially complain if they don't take immediate action.

The mother may have all kinds of reasons, the father maybe the biggest deadbeat living, but that does not make it the problem of a non parent who is already struggling herself. Both parents need to feel some heat, if that is what it takes to make them adult, so be it.

This. He's fathered four children fgs, he should have an inkling of what it means to be a parent by now. Not currently having a house is a bullshit excuse to not visit / care for his children for a weekend.

It was a shitty thing for the mother to do because she is causing stress to her children. as angry and frustrated as she might be, she should be shielding them.

the real problem though is dad.

He could have rented a place for the weekend.
he could have suggested having the kids at moms place. Not ideal, but possible.
He could have offered take the kids out for the day to give her a break and given mom extra money for her increased expenses.
he could be at his sister’s right now taking care of his own children.

none of this is a problem for social services. There are plenty of adults available.

Well I would make them feel welcome and normal as best I could for the weekend and then deal with the mother harshly on Monday. See it from their point of view, sitting there unwanted by their mum, their dad and their auntie.

Concerned neighbour maybe can get them some food.

It's better for the children to stay with the Aunt, even if sleeping on the floor however they can manage, rather than be dumped outside a police station. Are there really no other family members, grandparents? Other aunts/uncles? Surely someone who could bring round some food at least.

Clearly the child arrangements are untenable now, so she should have kept them. Much as she might have needed that time child free, you don't offload kids to randoms.

They need to communicate better.

I'm in this situation too - ex is temporarily homeless as a house comes with his job but no way would I be dumping the children at random locations declaring "his weekend his problem".

Poor children. If I was the SIL, I’d do everything I could to make them feel welcome. They’re not her responsibly, I know, but this is so shit for them.

My heart aches for you @SirMoose

Whoeve ris the "winner" those pair bairns are the losers.

My Sheart aches for them.

Poor kids sound like they've been lumbered with a pretty shitty family all round.

You're too defensive and too knowledgeable about the minute ins and outs of this to just be the neighbour's cousin's dog's brother or whatever you said you were. Is this waster your brother?

@MomwasCasual yes agree. What a sad situation for the kids.

I think this is just a sad situation all round.

The mum may well be at her limit with having the kids, she could have work, she could just be super fucking angry that she has to have them yet again.

Dad might be shirking responsibility but also he might be desperately trying to sort something, he might even be sat on a friend sofa crying his eyes out at his shit situation.

The sister had every right to be angry and I can see she’s worried about feeding all the kids but I can’t imagine ever an aunt putting her nieces and nephews into care rather than making some beds up on the floor and sofas for a few nights.

PP saying that the dad can “just rent somewhere for the weekend.” Have you missed that this man has been made jobless and homeless very recently?

If dumping the kids is unusual behaviour and she’s now not responding to any messages or taking calls I’d be sending the police round to check on her welfare, hopefully it’d point out to her that its actually not normal behaviour to dump your kids and disappear. It’s not social serviced responsibility to care for these kids, they have 2 parents and are with family, it’s not social services fault nobody wants the kids. Reporting the mum seems fair enough though are there could clearly be safe guarding issues here, next time when aunt doesn’t open the door, who else is she willing to dump them with?

Perhaps their father needs to sofa surf at his sister's this weekend. He has a sofa, SIL gets a hand, DC get attention.

Dad needs locating

He can then have the kids for his weekend in the kids home

Ex wife can move out for the weekend

He needs to give the aunt money for foodif nothing else. Maybe she can make simple pasta to stretch out, but its a lot to feed if you are tight on budget yourself. Poor aunt and poor kids.

Very shitty behaviour of their mum to impose on the children's aunt like that but why do you think police or social services should care for these kids who are currently safe with their aunt?

It’s his choice not to be contactable and if he were he could at least get his arse round to his sisters, pay for food to feed his kids and help look after them.

mum has done the wrong thing here but sounds like this guy is a waste of space who’s happy to absolve himself of his parental responsibilities. Guessing he’s not paying any maintenance either.

My friend has done a quick supermarket run for food.

SiL has texted mother and said the kids needs to go home or she will take them to the police station.

Her brother is on his way to hers, having finally answered his phone.

He has nowhere to take them - and no cash for a hotel for 5.

There will be no foster placements available. Literally none. So ss will not be able to do anything. Being safe with auntie over the weekend is better than them being sat in an office. Ss cannot magic up carers and homes. There is a national shortage. They may well follow this up during the week.

Surely this is already traumatic for the children. I have 4 dc. Can’t imagine dumping them on nearest female relative of my ex. Weirdly I could cope if someone dumped an extra 3 kids on me. Big car, camp beds and a full freezer but you can’t just dump your kids on someone and expect them to be cared for.

What is it with the Mumsnet Brigade that fathers MUST have regular visitation with their children? It seems to be because we all know Single Motherhood is
very hard to do 24/7 and the father must be FORCED to give her time off to do
what she wants to do - shop, work extra shift, have tea with a friend, go out to drinks with a new guy, whatever. Even if the father pays no child support, he still MUST be a regular unpaid "babysitter" (yes I know he isn't a sitter if they are his kids but that is what a reluctant father acts like!)
Some fathers use the children to control the ex-partner's life.
Some fathers think of the children as pets acquired during the marriage because the wife wanted them and now totally her responsibility.
It is CHILD CRUELTY to force a child into regular visits with a parent who does not want to be a parent. Hire a local teenager and go out for the day, but don't dump them on the father's relatives.

I hope she rips him a new arsehole.