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Original poster

Daughter pregnant

184 replies

aliceinshackles · 18/10/2022 09:18

My 24yr daughter announced she's pregnant.
I'm worried sick.

She has serious mh issues and medication resistant epilepsy. She's on waiting list for brain surgery.
She takes 11 tablets of various anti convulsants and mh meds.
I've used the BNF to check these meds and pregnancy and a lot of the meds are toxic to the baby and can cause bad withdrawals.

She's known to social services so I imagine they will be in touch when she goes to the midwife.

She did drink a lot and take drugs.
Both her and her partner have been in prison so low on the council house list, she wants to move closer to us.

Not sure what I want but my head is flying everywhere, I'm epileptic as well and both her & her brother were effected by my meds during pregnancy. Withdrawals and mainly didn't feed for 3 days and very sleepy.

I'm worried about her mh , we think this is because some of her close friends have recently given birth.

Please calm me down.
She's coming to see me today with her partner.

OP posts:
Summerfun54321 · 18/10/2022 13:49

So much judgement on this thread. Yes it sounds like she’s had a tough time but there’s absolutely zero evidence to suggest she will be a bad mother - she has never been a mother before so no one here knows what she will be like! Plenty of excellent mothers have mental health problems, are on long term medications and have had troubled pasts. Just be clear about the help you are willing to give her OP and be happy for her. She’s an adult with an adult partner - let them do the worrying about practicalities and medication etc, it’s not your job.

Original poster
aliceinshackles · 18/10/2022 13:58

@StarsAreBlunt forgot to add , the diazepam is prn but the clonazepam she takes daily at night.

@Summerfun54321 thank you. You may laugh but she has cats. I was really dubious at first , those cats have the best life ever.
That's another thing to think about the cat litter tray.

And before anyone jumps on me, I know that having cats and bringing up children are a million miles apart.

OP posts:
WHEREEL · 18/10/2022 14:01

Your daughter's a typical ADHDer then, she's tried to cope with being different by excessively (due to her ADHD) taking drink and drugs. Been there got the t-shirt and the terrible misdiagnosis. Due to the misdiagnosis (ones was bipolar) I take anti-psychotic drugs as it's the only thing that gets me to sleep as my excessive cocaine taking in my twenties makes sleeping naturally very difficult. As a result of this, I was under a consultant when I was pregnant and there were lots of scare stories about withdrawal. My daughter was absolutely fine and hopefully your grandchild will be too.

I had a rough few years whilst I overcame growing up in an abusive family but I now have a professional career and am acedmically acompolished. Your daughters past does not define her future.

I am concered that you are your pushing your own issues around your pregnancies, as well as your poor MH on to your daughter and are dragging her down rather than lifting her up.

If your daughter is vulnerable what do you plan on doing today that means she'll leave you feeling on a high and empowered that she's going to be a great mum?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
StarsAreBlunt · 18/10/2022 14:05

@WHEREEL that is not how the OP has come across at all.

The OP is taking advice - to help her daughter - ref the folic acid.

What decent advice have you contributed to this thread?

Original poster
aliceinshackles · 18/10/2022 14:10

If your daughter is vulnerable what do you plan on doing today that means she'll leave you feeling on a high and empowered that she's going to be a great mum?

To answer this by telling her that I am there for her. By telling her what help and services she will need to access , thanks to some wonderful posters on here . As a side note I've just baked her favourite brownies as well. You know small things.
She will get my love and support whatever she and her partner decide.
To hug her, calm her fears, listen to her.

OP posts:
Shallysally · 18/10/2022 14:11

Your daughter has been free from drink and drugs for two years, she has demonstrated that she can engage with support services. She had also demonstrated that she can maintain this massive achievement!

Yes perhaps children’s services will become involved but not every baby who’s parents have historically had problems are removed at birth as some posters on here will have you believe!

The support will likely be positive and informative in nature.

I know that there is more to consider here but health professionals will advise. It’s very early days. Be led by your daughter and her partner. Be supportive, most of all right now she will need you to be her Mum.

dogmandu · 18/10/2022 14:28

You haven’t said if your daughter is sounding happy to be pregnant.
If she is then this could be the making of her.

But it's not about her, is it? It's about the baby, (little child) and the state they might be born in and to have to continue through life with.

MightyOaks · 18/10/2022 14:44

To be fair it sounds no different from your situation when you had her whilst you were on meds? But you managed! She will have a lot of support

user1477391263 · 18/10/2022 14:54

I would be urging her in the strongest possible terms to abort.

Ihatethenewlook · 18/10/2022 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

UnderCoverFieldAgent · 18/10/2022 14:59

Thank goodness she’s not on sodium valporate. They only let me have it due to the fact that my husband has had a vasectomy and it was 10 years ago with no ‘scares’. I had DS when I was on carbamazepine for epilepsy and actually didn’t have a single seizure the whole time and for five months afterwards. This isn’t uncommon for pregnant women to be seizure free during pregnancy apparently. It can be worse for them to stop/change meds in case it induces more seizures. Good luck.

RippleQueen · 18/10/2022 15:19

Make sure she's not taking Sodium Valporate as it can cause birth defects

aliceinshackles · 18/10/2022 15:26

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Original poster
aliceinshackles · 18/10/2022 15:27

Thank you everyone else. I'm leaving this thread for a bit.

OP posts:
StarsAreBlunt · 18/10/2022 15:33

Please don’t leave

im reporting posts - people
have no clue what they are talking about

none of the meds you took are addictive in pregnancy … I know because I’ve been on them.

StarsAreBlunt · 18/10/2022 15:34

She’s not taking sodium
valporate - already clarified

pattihews · 18/10/2022 15:35

WHEREEL · 18/10/2022 14:01

Your daughter's a typical ADHDer then, she's tried to cope with being different by excessively (due to her ADHD) taking drink and drugs. Been there got the t-shirt and the terrible misdiagnosis. Due to the misdiagnosis (ones was bipolar) I take anti-psychotic drugs as it's the only thing that gets me to sleep as my excessive cocaine taking in my twenties makes sleeping naturally very difficult. As a result of this, I was under a consultant when I was pregnant and there were lots of scare stories about withdrawal. My daughter was absolutely fine and hopefully your grandchild will be too.

I had a rough few years whilst I overcame growing up in an abusive family but I now have a professional career and am acedmically acompolished. Your daughters past does not define her future.

I am concered that you are your pushing your own issues around your pregnancies, as well as your poor MH on to your daughter and are dragging her down rather than lifting her up.

If your daughter is vulnerable what do you plan on doing today that means she'll leave you feeling on a high and empowered that she's going to be a great mum?

Just keep telling her she'll be a great mum and the entire complex raft of problems will be solved... Really?

I prefer the OP's more realistic version of things.

StarsAreBlunt · 18/10/2022 15:46

OP may be best to start a new thread in health conditions so you don’t get wo
much horrendousness

thanks all for reporting that post! (And Op many people did!)

Cantthinkofanewnameatm · 18/10/2022 16:01

Nothing to add but you sound like a lovely mum and I can understand how worried you must be.

Original poster
aliceinshackles · 18/10/2022 16:03

I'm still here. Thank you @StarsAreBlunt

It hurts , I read that post as if I was being accused of being on methadone or something.

Thank god I didn't post in Aibu

OP posts:
StarsAreBlunt · 18/10/2022 16:11

Honestly that post hurt me!

it was horrific, but clearly coming from someone who has no idea what they are talking about

Wayk · 18/10/2022 16:14

You are a fantastic mother wgo is taking the time to try and see what is best for your daughter and the health and welfare of your future grandchild. Your daughter is in a bubble over the pregnancy and she is very lucky to have a mother to weigh up all the pros and cons.

Original poster
aliceinshackles · 18/10/2022 16:21

Right, I better clean up . Be sides baking I'm painting the kitchen.
She's here in an hour.
Wish me luck 🍀

OP posts:
JohnnyMarr · 18/10/2022 16:22

OP I just wanted to empathise with your predicament. I'm in a broadly similar situation (DD isn't epileptic but has ADD and addiction issues) and whilst I'm loathe to dampen her excitement over the pregnancy I'm also mindful of the difficulty she has in grasping long term consequences and the potential impact of that on her, the baby and myself.

You come across as a hugely supportive and caring mother, but it's only natural to consider how this will affect your life too. I wish you all all the best.

Brideandpredjudice · 18/10/2022 16:25

Sounds like they both want and are excited for this baby so fingers crossed it's a turning point for them x