If you're going through stressful times at the moment and can't talk to anyone irl about it for one reason or another...

AmberGer · 2022-10-17T12:22:14+00:00

Then let this thread be a support to you. You don't have to disclose anything that you're not comfortable with. I am also going through a lot at the moment that I can't talk to anyone about. It's deeply isolating. I am procrastinating at the moment when I should be doing my housework. Which doesn't help but I am making progress with some things. I have been more forgetful lately as I have been dealing with so much. For the first time in my life I'm trying to be more organised and putting everything in my phone calendar. It helps to deal with one thing at a time and I can see what I need to do each day. I hope this thread can be helpful to others in similar situations

wonderingwhatsnext · 17/10/2022 18:51

I'm surprised you haven't had any replies op. It's very hard not being able to share your worries. I'm very worried for my husband who is waiting for biopsy results. Haven't told anyone yet, no point in them all worrying too, but as you say it's very isolating.

Being organised is a good way to feel in control, I'm glad it's helping you.

FreezyWater · 17/10/2022 18:55

I'll share.

Last week I was nationally recognised for a project I have led on for the last 9 months for a huge organisation.

My mother doesn't give a shit and its really upset me. What upsets me even more is that I still seek her approval.

Hope you had a good day OP x

JennyForeigner · 17/10/2022 19:02

Thanks OP, thoughtful thread.

I'm stressed because we have three children at just turned three or younger, are burned out, and there is no answer to the cost of childcare that doesn't involve either feeling like a bad mum or taking risks that we can't afford.

I can't talk about it because the people who care have heard it often enough, and what's the point in making our lives harder by complaining to others? We know we're lucky - our family took a long time and was much wanted, with real dangers, but I am tired of any hint that we are struggling being treated as ingratitude. We're just human, and knackered.

JennyForeigner · 17/10/2022 19:03

FreezyWater · 17/10/2022 18:55

I'll share.

Last week I was nationally recognised for a project I have led on for the last 9 months for a huge organisation.

My mother doesn't give a shit and its really upset me. What upsets me even more is that I still seek her approval.

Hope you had a good day OP x

I'm sorry Freezywater. From a complete stranger, that sounds impressive and bloody well earned. Good for you.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 17/10/2022 19:06

Great idea for a thread and I’m sorry other people are having a hard time.

We are going through some stuff and I am struggling with DHs reaction to it. It’s not his fault and it includes a bereavement so there is no ‘right’ way to react. He’s just doing my head in but he also really needs my support. I’m exhausted.

Threeyearoldhelp3 · 17/10/2022 19:20

This is a great idea, thanks OP.

I’ really struggling with my youngest DC, age 3.5. He’s so angry all the time, screaming, shouting, throwing, hitting. I feel pretty broken a lot of the time. I don’t know how to handle him and I feel like we’re not close, as if he hates me.

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 10:00

wonderingwhatsnext · 17/10/2022 18:51

I'm surprised you haven't had any replies op. It's very hard not being able to share your worries. I'm very worried for my husband who is waiting for biopsy results. Haven't told anyone yet, no point in them all worrying too, but as you say it's very isolating.

Being organised is a good way to feel in control, I'm glad it's helping you.

That is very worrying. I hope you hear soon. The waiting is the worst! At least when you know, one way or the other, you can start making plans to deal with whatever situation you're in.
All the best ❤️

OP posts:

HappyMackerel · 18/10/2022 10:01

Don't have anything to share right now but what a lovely idea for a thread.

MooBaggage · 18/10/2022 10:05

Just seen this thread. I'm broken at the moment. Struggling to make a huge, very difficult life decision and would normally trust my gut/know what to do, but can't seem to decide which way to jump. It's breaking me and the people around me it will affect.

Meanwhile, I have a big, busy job and have to keep going! So I'm at work, trying to concentrate, but all the time the sadness about the decision is just there all the time. I've thought about how wonderful it would be not to be in this world any more - but they are fleeting thoughts and not anything I would ever act on. Just don't know what to do.

Sigh. So - thank you for letting me type it down. Time to go and make a brew and try to get some work done!

Itoastthereforeiam · 18/10/2022 10:14

Sorry everyone is going through such difficult times.

My partner told me last week he wants to separate and I'm overwhelmed. He has a whole plan for what he wants to happen.

I have told a couple of people IRL but it gets overtaken by their emotion around it.
Just feel utterly exhausted and scared.

Cherry on top is I currently have covid so feeling very sorry for myself!

Dell15 · 18/10/2022 10:20

Great idea for a thread, sorry to hear others are having a hard time 💐

I suffer with anxiety especially around money and just in panic mode daily due to cost of living crisis. Have two small DC’s and just feel like the future is so bleak without any hope on the horizon that things will get better. DH is suffering from poor mental health too and it just feels like we are only barely existing. Everything just feels so hard.

trying to remain strong for my DCs who are so little and relying on us. Having moments where I think it would be easier to not be here but like PP, these are not thoughts I am planning to act on, just due to the weight of everything.

Bagpuss2022 · 18/10/2022 10:40

Thanks OP for the thread,

I suffer quite badly with my MH due to some horrific traumas in my childhood, I do have a lot of support clinically and i feel guilty that i still have periods of extreme struggles,
Sept/Oct is a really bad trigger for me this year is the first in 4 years I haven’t been on a psych ward or home based treatment so that in itself is a positive.
I really don’t want to be alive as awful as it sounds but have come to the reality that I couldn’t do that to my DC and DH and I have had serious attempts. So I’m stuck in this soulless existence of existing. I don’t leave the house more than a handful of times a month I no longer work I suffer with awful flashbacks and nightmares were I end up wetting the bed so embarrassing
Also doesn’t help as haven’t slept in over 48 hours and not more than 3/4 hours a time on the last few weeks.
But shouldn’t complain, people have it a lot worse than me

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:17

FreezyWater · 17/10/2022 18:55

I'll share.

Last week I was nationally recognised for a project I have led on for the last 9 months for a huge organisation.

My mother doesn't give a shit and its really upset me. What upsets me even more is that I still seek her approval.

Hope you had a good day OP x

Oh bless you. Well done congrats🎉
I don't think you ever stop wanting your parents approval. I'm sorry she is not supportive of you.

OP posts:

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:20

JennyForeigner · 17/10/2022 19:02

Thanks OP, thoughtful thread.

I'm stressed because we have three children at just turned three or younger, are burned out, and there is no answer to the cost of childcare that doesn't involve either feeling like a bad mum or taking risks that we can't afford.

I can't talk about it because the people who care have heard it often enough, and what's the point in making our lives harder by complaining to others? We know we're lucky - our family took a long time and was much wanted, with real dangers, but I am tired of any hint that we are struggling being treated as ingratitude. We're just human, and knackered.

It must be tough, young children are hard work!

It does get easier, but that's not going to help you right now. You need to do what's best for you. It doesn't have to be set in stone. You could make a plan for working ft for 6 months with them in childcare and review it then and see how it's going. If it isn't going so well try something different.

OP posts:

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:23

WhatWouldHopperDo · 17/10/2022 19:06

Great idea for a thread and I’m sorry other people are having a hard time.

We are going through some stuff and I am struggling with DHs reaction to it. It’s not his fault and it includes a bereavement so there is no ‘right’ way to react. He’s just doing my head in but he also really needs my support. I’m exhausted.

I'm sorry things are so tough and it's hard when someone deals with something different to the way you would.
Exhaustion doesn't help either. Try going to bed a bit earlier each evening.
Sleep is soooo important!

OP posts:

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:31

Threeyearoldhelp3 · 17/10/2022 19:20

This is a great idea, thanks OP.

I’ really struggling with my youngest DC, age 3.5. He’s so angry all the time, screaming, shouting, throwing, hitting. I feel pretty broken a lot of the time. I don’t know how to handle him and I feel like we’re not close, as if he hates me.

You poor thing. Of course he doesn't hate you. I would try asking his nursery/childcare setting what his behaviour is like there and then possibly contacting his health visitor for help.
Sometimes their behaviour is totally different in those settings.
It's just that you're his safe person/space and he feels he can kick off.
You're doing your best ❤️

OP posts:

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:38

MooBaggage · 18/10/2022 10:05

Just seen this thread. I'm broken at the moment. Struggling to make a huge, very difficult life decision and would normally trust my gut/know what to do, but can't seem to decide which way to jump. It's breaking me and the people around me it will affect.

Meanwhile, I have a big, busy job and have to keep going! So I'm at work, trying to concentrate, but all the time the sadness about the decision is just there all the time. I've thought about how wonderful it would be not to be in this world any more - but they are fleeting thoughts and not anything I would ever act on. Just don't know what to do.

Sigh. So - thank you for letting me type it down. Time to go and make a brew and try to get some work done!

There will always be what if's
I hope you can find the courage to make the decision.
If it's a decision that hasn't got a time limit. Then wait until you're ready or have greater clarity.
But for now a cuppa sounds great.
Just take those small little moments and enjoy them.

OP posts:

peachgreen · 18/10/2022 11:42

Lovely idea for a thread OP, and much-needed.

I'm just over a week away from the two year anniversary of the death of my lovely husband. That on its own would obviously be very tough, but it's heightened because I have developed feelings for someone else for the first time since he died. Even worse is that the feelings are (or were, I don't know if they still are) returned, but we can't be together for various reasons, some of which are insurmountable. And so we're trying to just be "friends", and it is agonising for me. I have all the guilt of having feelings for someone other than my husband as well as the torture of not being able to express those feelings to the person I have them for, or to anyone else. A few days ago I admitted to myself, out loud, that I love this man, and then just broke down and sobbed. It is the strangest feeling, having something as wonderful as loving someone be accompanied by so much pain.

Threeyearoldhelp3 · 18/10/2022 11:43

Thanks @AmberGer, he is fine at nursery, of course! The tantrums start straight after. My health visitor did his 3.5 year check last week and was no help, so frustrating. I just feel so out of control with no strategy. Hopefully it's a phase.

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:44

Itoastthereforeiam · 18/10/2022 10:14

Sorry everyone is going through such difficult times.

My partner told me last week he wants to separate and I'm overwhelmed. He has a whole plan for what he wants to happen.

I have told a couple of people IRL but it gets overtaken by their emotion around it.
Just feel utterly exhausted and scared.

Cherry on top is I currently have covid so feeling very sorry for myself!

I'm sorry you're poorly too. I hope you feel better soon.
I'm sorry. That sounds so hard. His grand plans may not be so wonderful in reality.
What selfish bastards some people are!

OP posts:

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:52

Dell15 · 18/10/2022 10:20

Great idea for a thread, sorry to hear others are having a hard time 💐

I suffer with anxiety especially around money and just in panic mode daily due to cost of living crisis. Have two small DC’s and just feel like the future is so bleak without any hope on the horizon that things will get better. DH is suffering from poor mental health too and it just feels like we are only barely existing. Everything just feels so hard.

trying to remain strong for my DCs who are so little and relying on us. Having moments where I think it would be easier to not be here but like PP, these are not thoughts I am planning to act on, just due to the weight of everything.

It's so bloody hard isn't it?
The cost of living crisis is the worst I've ever known.
Money problems affect so much of our lives.
I wish I had the answers. But unfortunately I don't 😔❤️

OP posts:

RebeccaRose92 · 18/10/2022 11:53

I feel very distant from my DP

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 11:58

Bagpuss2022 · 18/10/2022 10:40

Thanks OP for the thread,

I suffer quite badly with my MH due to some horrific traumas in my childhood, I do have a lot of support clinically and i feel guilty that i still have periods of extreme struggles,
Sept/Oct is a really bad trigger for me this year is the first in 4 years I haven’t been on a psych ward or home based treatment so that in itself is a positive.
I really don’t want to be alive as awful as it sounds but have come to the reality that I couldn’t do that to my DC and DH and I have had serious attempts. So I’m stuck in this soulless existence of existing. I don’t leave the house more than a handful of times a month I no longer work I suffer with awful flashbacks and nightmares were I end up wetting the bed so embarrassing
Also doesn’t help as haven’t slept in over 48 hours and not more than 3/4 hours a time on the last few weeks.
But shouldn’t complain, people have it a lot worse than me

You're allowed to complain too. Your troubles are as valid as anyone else's!
I'm glad your getting help and that's a massive win not being on a psych ward in 4 years! Good for you! Things must be improving somewhat. Take the little wins.
You are doing brilliantly
It will continue to get better ❤️

OP posts:

cornishLassie · 18/10/2022 11:59

Hello good thread

I'm in 4th week in bed due to nervous breakdown

Work caused. Been terrible. Resigned due to workload and being humiliated by boss. Went to bed for days tried to rescind notice (due to working 65h a week and only person working x2 FT jobs). Told no and immediately access terminated. On 3m notice not been able to say goodbye to large team (people msg me asking if been fired). Being sent legal letters saying cannot speak to anyone

They brought notice forward to Xmas day so no money over xmas. All just appalling. This employer is nationally recognised for mental health and employee wellbeing

Started a legal case on Monday. My boss is terrified of being criticised but why should I be made unwell and unemployed as a result

Can't walk very far and kids all worries. Can only get up for around 2h a day. Doctor said I'd vision gets blurred again may be mini stroke and go to hospital

Applying for jobs on phone but too tired to do interviews. Husband panicking as mortgage goes up probably &1.5k a month next June

Thinking of renting 10y son bedroom out to a second lodger so we don't go under. He'll be devastated

Original poster

AmberGer · 18/10/2022 12:02

peachgreen · 18/10/2022 11:42

Lovely idea for a thread OP, and much-needed.

I'm just over a week away from the two year anniversary of the death of my lovely husband. That on its own would obviously be very tough, but it's heightened because I have developed feelings for someone else for the first time since he died. Even worse is that the feelings are (or were, I don't know if they still are) returned, but we can't be together for various reasons, some of which are insurmountable. And so we're trying to just be "friends", and it is agonising for me. I have all the guilt of having feelings for someone other than my husband as well as the torture of not being able to express those feelings to the person I have them for, or to anyone else. A few days ago I admitted to myself, out loud, that I love this man, and then just broke down and sobbed. It is the strangest feeling, having something as wonderful as loving someone be accompanied by so much pain.

Your marriage deeds were only 'until death do us part'
You are allowed to love again ❤️

OP posts: