If you're going through stressful times at the moment and can't talk to anyone irl about it for one reason or another...

[AmberGer]

Then let this thread be a support to you.
You don't have to disclose anything that you're not comfortable with.
I am also going through a lot at the moment that I can't talk to anyone about. It's deeply isolating.
I am procrastinating at the moment when I should be doing my housework.
Which doesn't help but I am making progress with some things. I have been more forgetful lately as I have been dealing with so much.
For the first time in my life I'm trying to be more organised and putting everything in my phone calendar. It helps to deal with one thing at a time and I can see what I need to do each day.
I hope this thread can be helpful to others in similar situations

I am 27 weeks pregnant and so, incredibly grateful to be after 3 losses and 5 years of TTC. However I had pretty much given up hope of having another DC and my emotional spending got out of hand. Have around £4k on credit and panicking big time about being on maternity pay and having to make these monthly repayments along with all other price rises. It’s occupying my thoughts all day and sometimes wakes me at night.

Also really worrying about how my dog will react to the baby, he is a very hyper 3 year old working cocker spaniel. He’s a good boy most of the time but with all the will in the world I just can’t train him to chill out (he steals things for attention, runs around like a lunatic and jumps all over guests) so I am worried about having a newborn and guests over.

Work is also very stressful at the moment whilst simultaneously trying to train up my maternity cover.

The house is a mess, we had a leak in the dining room recently which has been repaired but the whole room needs redecorating. Barely bought a thing for the baby and the spare room/to be nursery is still full of crap.

That was a good vent OP thank you!

Good evening everyone
how was your Tuesday?

im sort of caught in a cycle of self loathing, I realise I have such a negative attitude towards myself, which makes me feel down, and lazy and completely unmotivated. Which in turn means I feel sluggish and lacking in energy and then back to self loathing.

im trying to do 20mins of exercise each day, but some weeks I do nothing at all. I used to run half marathons once a month- don’t quite now how I got to this point. It’s not even about my weight as such, it’s about my health and the way I hold myself. I would quite like to disappear into the shadows.

funny thing is I know exactly what I would say to my friend if she said this to me, and logically I know what I should do, but doing it is another matter

I just want to have a massive sob. I’m stuck in a legal battle with cunty ex over property, he’s pretty much disowned his own child as leverage until this is sorted. I have very little time to myself . I took two weeks off as I’m exhausted, and today was spent sorting out a relative’s estate as she has absolutely nobody to help her and is disabled. Next week, I have to look after my sister’s two kids and my own during half term whilst sorting out my paperwork for the legal stuff. I just want to scream. Oh and to top it off, a parent from DS’s class just messaged to say he was newly hit by a car whilst on his phone. Rant over. Not looking for sympathy. I’m fortunate I’m many ways, but boy have I been dealt some really shit cards in life. I want to run away and not be found.

This is just the sort of thread I needed. Thanks OP and I am thinking of every single person that had the courage to post. Reading your posts makes me realise my troubles are minor really.....
Work is not going well and I am struggling with my feelings about the company and my colleagues who I just don't like. I am tired of the bad culture and being taken for granted. I am angry at the unfairness I feel.
My joiner has taken £600 and never finished the job he started 2 months ago.
Mum is narcissist and my Dad only wants to bother with me when he needs something. My only sibling lives miles away so it's just me.
I am angry at everything and frustrated with life. I cry continually and can't tell anyone as they must be sick of hearing me.
I am middle aged, peri menopausal and sick of people's shit!
Thanks for listening.

@ChakaKhanfan can I disappear with you ?

Small steps w it h exercise. I have to say that daily yoga at my studio is the one thing that has saved me and made me feel physically well. I tried a few different things before I realised hot yoga was what resonated with me. The heat is punishing, and I like the pain of it as I have to train my mind to push through it. It’s really nice to see how much I’ve achieved, plus I’ve met lovey people. I have zero social life, but the hour a day I get in the studio is lovely as I see the same faces. I hope you find something that works for you. Pace yourself.

Labouring the point but am really struggling with the unfairness of life. I know no one promised life would be fair. And I am 51. I should be used to it by now. But I am not. I also have no faith that helps me make sense of it. I lost that when my DD was diagnosed with a debilitating illness and now my nephew is ill too ( not genetic).

I know what you mean @Tabbouleh . I also struggle with this at times, as have had quite a lot of ‘bad’ things happen in my life. I think it has also a few my anxiety as when people say ‘chances of x happening at slow’ I think of all the blooming low chance horrible things that have happened.

Im not sure what the answer is. I don’t want anger to eat me up or to become bitter but at the same time sometimes I think it’s ok to feel how unfair life can be and think ‘why me? What did I do to deserve this?’.

I also often wish I had faith. Must be such a comfort to those who believe.

Anyway it doesn’t help but I’m sorry you are feeling this at the moment too.

I'll add mine. I've got loads going on, but what is making it so much worse is fake help. From people who really should be helping me. They're not. It's constant lip service, on repeat. The pretence of support is just so shitty. When you're at your lowest and about to break and those watching feign concern, say all sorts, pat you on the head and say shhh there there, what can I do, when you know, again, they won't even bother to do the most basic thing you really need. When you're already drowning and being very gently and constantly gaslit by people who want the image of being a saviour, it is fucking exhausting. Much love to everyone on this thread. I can't get into what is weighing so heavily on me.

Oh my god @Crucible i can so relate to that. It is so so true. Better to do nothing than pretend to.

@Tisfortired can you consolidate into loan to reduce payments - or switch to 0% to stop debt building up?
there is the option to ask for payment holidays but that may effect your credit status- I am not a financial expert but I think that is the case

@cantba I'm sorry to hear you can relate, I wish for your sake that you couldn't.

@FreezyWater

congratulations. Well done. Sounds like a massive achievement x

@Blastoff50 I’m sorry about your son’s diagnosis. Not the same, I know, but my husband was diagnosed (incorrectly as it turned out some months later) with T1D when I was pregnant with our first child. It was one of the most stressful times in my life, and I was so upset for him. I can imagine how hard it must be to have a child going through it. What helped me was going on the Diabetes U.K. forum. So many good tips, such good info, many encouraging stories. Learning about the upcoming technology, like continuous glucose monitors and pumps also gave me a lot of hope for the future. You’re probably way ahead of me on this but wanted to mention just in case.

Such a good thread to start OP.

I always thought I was a good 'talker' but actually have realised I find it very hard to talk about deeply personal things.

Very early in the year DH was involved in an accident that caused him severe trauma. It has affected us as a family, mainly due to the first 6 months him checking out in order to heal, which I totally get but I am now finding it so hard to be normal with him. I checked out of being a wife completely accidentally in order to keep us all afloat and now have no clue how to recover.

My health hasn't been great lately but I think it's because I am run down, lots of viruses and migraines. In addition we have an 8 mo puppy and I ended up sleeping downstairs with him in August for one reason or another and haven't managed to move back upstairs. No idea why, I have no clue. I am literally stuck in a rut and no idea how to make the changes I need to. I almost feel like checking out is keeping me sane as its almost robotic and unemotional but equally I don't want to mess things up completely.

In addition to what happened to DH earlier in the year he had an extremely traumatic childhood so the counselling from the incident this year is now going into that ans selfishly I am not sure I am strong enough right now to be providing more support to DH. I know he wants to tell me about it (he never has gone into any details in the 20 years I've known him).

Until this week I was worried I was depressed as I am struggling to do anything at home, such as tidying, cleaning etc but I managed to find some motivation this last week which has helped a bit, i am still wondering if a doctors trip is worth it. We have some trips coming up so I think I need to concentrate on spending some time with DH then as one of them is without the kids.

Thinking of everyone brave enough to post on here

And of course those who don't feel they can, I am always happy to talk to anyone via DMs if anyone needs a sounding board. Talking to a stranger is weirdly cathartic.

I don't even know what is wrong.

I'm just busy and tired and never seem to be on top of things. Trying to be there for the kids (cos their dad is being shit at the moment), working full time, etc. I'm lonely in the sense that I wish I had someone to share the load with - little things like putting tea on while I tidy up or some cleaning while I pack stuff for activities. It's the hardest bit about being a single parent.

I’m just processing my day. On my drive back, a huge lorry veered into my lane. I slammed on my brakes in time and carried on. Got home and received a message from a parent saying DS was almost hit by a car as he crossed the road staring at his phone. I already lost one child. I’m sitting in bed in tears and thinking I really wish I didn’t react to the lorry and it hit my car. I’m tired. I’d never end my life, but I just don’t see a happy and normal life for me.

I gradually lost my faith after DD died. It did help me in the aftermath of her death, but other things happened along the way that made me think God must really dislike me. I said a prayer before my journey today (it was a long journey to help someone in very dire circumstances). I asked for safety. So, maybe God did listen. Maybe He protected my son today too. I go through life trying to be helpful and kind. So, I do often wonder “why me”? I really want to hide…

That sounds like a really really tough day @Shitfather and a really tough time in general. Do you have a religious leader (vicar, priest, imam etc) that you could talk to who might be able to help you reconcile your faith with your life events? Please remember that your DS is very very glad you braked and didn't hit the truck, as is the rest of your family, and as am I, a complete stranger.
Please reach out to those around you, it sounds like you've got some huge emotions to process.

As for my problem... My house is falling down and we don't know if the insurance is going to pay for it because of something in our survey. I can't sleep properly, cant think, can't do anything and it's already been over two months since we got insurers involved. I don't know if in 6 months time we will be homeless or bankrupt or...anything. We're TTC which seems totally insane but also late 30s and can't put it off forever, and i just don't know what to do for the best. DH wants to think positive but I want to plan for the worst. But with rising interest rates and bills etc, the worst is incomprehensible. I just can't see how we've gone from a beautiful home in a lovely village with a great income and stable future to facing potential bankruptcy in the face so quickly. All over some stupid error. I just want to know. I think it's the waiting that is intolerable.

I've been there too. Really feel for you.

What would your future self say to your present self?

I asked myself that question, and realized I couldn't justify staying. That brought me clarity, and gave me the courage I needed to leave.

Be honest with yourself, and remember that life is very short. How do you want to live it?

Sending hugs. 💐

The things keeping me up at night at the moment are so first-world/common-or-garden that I feel I can't talk about them because others are going through much bigger stuff. When I even think about the things stressing me out, they are so petty and the same kind of issues everyone else deals with - job, kids, health etc. But I can't talk about it because generally things are going really well, so it would be so insensitive and make me look so ungrateful for the incredible luck I have had so far in life.

its all so stupid, and trivial.. but you know when there is just SO much going on, and you just feel like you're drowning under it all?

I witnessed an attack on friends a couple of months ago, my friend has cptsd from it (and other stuff it bought up), and i'm trying to process the whole thing on my own and support her, my son is in the middle of being switched from dla to pip, and i have disabilities of my own that are making doing the forms for his pip so incredibly stressful..

but you know whats getting to me the most, of all the stupid things? my heart is breaking. i've been single 5 years, and finally felt ready to meet someone after a couple of failed 'somethings' where it lasts a few weeks, then they meet someone else, leave me, and end up in LTR with the love of their life.

I met someone through mutual friends, and omg we clicked, it was fucking amazing, 2 wonderful weekends, lots of chatter online for a month or two, he said he loved me, i let my guard down and he PROMISED me he wasn't going anywhere, wouldn't do what the last couple of guys did.. then he got distant. said he loved me but had so much shit going on that he needed to fix, and it wasn't fair to me to drag me down with him, and he couldn't be the partner he wanted to be for me... we left it in the space of being in love, but not being able to be together, and promising if either of us met someone, we'd move on.. but i can't move on, and i can't let him go... but neither of us know how much time this could take (Financial issues/need to move further away temporarily while he sorts it) so i feel like im in limbo, craving his time/company while he is holding me at arms length because talking to me hurts when he can't be with me.

i'm trying to function, but it all feels too much, and i can't say anything to anyone because the only people who know about him are my friends.. the one who has ptsd and her DH, and i can't keep burdening them with my stupid fuckery.

Small problems are still relevant. Just because other people are going through a lot it doesn't mean that you should have to keep quiet and not talk about your problems.
This isn't a judgement thread on who's got the worst life.
This is somewhere we can vent, no matter how big or small.
If it is a worry for us it is valid.
No problem too small

Given the number of posts here hopefully it's clear that that you aren't alone, but popping a message on as well to add another voice saying I'm listening too and offering moral support. My life is mostly fine - had DC2 after years of trying which is a dream come true however my FIL died unexpectedly in March and DH and DC1 still very upset (understandably). DH hates his job but won't look for another until our fixed term ends in 2 years / when we have an idea of what interest rates will be like. He took over some housework so that I could focus on the baby bless him, but it's led to him being even more exhausted (he procrastinates at work because he hates it so much then feels like he has to make the time up, so long working hours. DC1 was diagnosed with constipation 18 months ago and despite being on laxitives prescribed by the GP is soiling herself almost daily again, also wets herself and thus change of clothes up to 3 times a day which means a LOT of laundry that DH insists on doing since baby/he gets annoyed if I do it). DH eats when stressed and has put on so much weight that I am seriously worried about his health. I want to help him but I don't know how, he won't let me take take back the chores he took over, and if there's chocolate in the house he'll eat it. If I ban chocolate then DC1 won't be able to have any either, because he eats her chocolate and buys more/replaces it on the next food shop. He's not sleeping properly either due to work and chores, he didn't even get 5 hours last night and this isn't unusual. I've said that he really needs to sleep more but he says that he can't because he needs to make up time at work, do laundry etc and refuses every time I say let me do it so I have to try and do things without him knowing if I don't want to annoy him (difficult because he works from home, we don't have an study he works in the living room). Trivial matters compared to others here, but if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can help DH I'm all ears. Thanks for listening.