Things you can never say out loud in real life as you'll hurt the feelings of someone you like....

[hatetheplayernotthegame]

...stop buying puppies from breeders FFS.

So sick of people popping up with the latest - inevitably moustachiod dull as fuck doodle - puppy that they've bought from some back yard breeder.

I love dogs. The people who do this never seem to really like dogs much, if they did they'd consider adopting one of the gazillions dumpbed post-lockdown (bought by moustachio-doodle loving twats just like them).

Have you never noticed that the other people in our book club don’t monologue for 20 mins about their husband’s progress 3 months after an initially complex wrist fracture when asked “So how are things with you?” Swiftly followed by an incredibly detailed chronological monologue about preparations for your daughter’s wedding and your trip to find an outfit.

Haven’t you noticed the other seven people turn-take and précis their news? Do you assume you dominate the floor because you are more interesting and important so we must be a rapt and grateful audience? You have a good job and qualifications; can it really just be lack of awareness?

AMEN to this.

Darling, you've got far to much bronzer on. And do try and stand up straight.

Are we in the same book group?

I think I drone on 🥴 maybe I need to have a silent word with myself so as not to hurt my own feelings

Good idea!

You really should have divorced the wanker years ago, but as you didn’t…
grow up and manage your own life a bit more.

Stop criticising my grandchildren's behaviour and take a long hard look at how badly behaved yours are.
I wouldn't dream of mentioning it to you, but when they get to school someone sure as hell will!

Do not tell me that your dog has chewed stuff up in your house again, when you never walk the poor thing.
You are a disgusting person who should not own a dog.

I heard you.

I was convinced you were bitching behind my back anyway, but you just confirmed it, by what you said when you were on a phone and had no idea I could hear. Most of what you said was all so much so whattery, except for one very petty thing.It was the scathing fucking tone you used and the shitty way you referred to me. So I told you I heard it.

Dying to know how you are going to behave tomorrow. You are doubtless still wondering exactly what I heard. I am fully expecting you to pick an argument with me to justify what you said and take the heat off yourself.

You are a lazy parent and your DC are going to grow up with huge problems because you can't be bothered to parent them properly.

I know you desperately want another child, but if I was to fall pregnant, I would 100% have a termination and you probably wouldn't be able to cope. Our relationship would more than likely be over as you would never truly forgive me.

Obviously I'm doing everything within my power not to fall pregnant.

This is 2021 and not the 1950s. 22 year old women can swear and it's not disrespectful.

Christ, some days your breath stinks.

We all love our kids. Plastering billions of staged photos of yours all over social media with #myworld #lovethem #preciousmemories #siblinglove #bestfriends #perfectfamily blah blah whatever doesn't mean you love them more and it makes me want to vomit.

1. Stop telling your dead [insert relative] how much you miss them on [insert social media name]. They're dead! They can't f'ing read it 'cos they're dead!

1. Why do you feel the need to tell the world how your daughter is "everything to you" all the time. If she's everything to you, why do you dump her off on everyone else constantly. She's been at our house the past two Christmas days because you were off at whatever new boyfriend's house you had at the time. P.s. do you really have to do the stupid lip kiss pout on every picture you post. Please just stop. P.p.s. You look like an orangutang with the fake tan. You'd look a lot better just being you.

Wow, this thread is shaping up as quite a powerful set of vignettes.

He's actually autistic whether you think so or not. Multiple professionals and his own parents are better able to judge this than you are. It's not just poor and over-anxious parenting.

When last we met and you told me about your young DC's mental health issues I didn't know what to say. This is because the answer is obvious. The problems DC has - especially the separation anxiety can all be traced back to your DHs shitty behaviour. DC has always been such an unhappy child, but so would I be with him for a father.

In all likelihood you'd stop speaking to me.

You also need to stop favouring the child and letting them dictate family life for an easier life.

The main problem is obviously that they don't feel secure because DHs behaviour means he's unpredictable and unreliable. Create security by making sure DC knows there's actually an adult in charge

Can you ask me a question for a change?

I hope not! I haven’t name-changed for this and outing would be awful. Nobody knows just how bitchy my internal commentaries are!

If you (BIL and wife) had any morals at all you would pay us the money you borrowed from us back. You begged us for that money and were so very grateful when we lent it to you but now you seem intent on never paying it back. You received a decent inheritance since we lent the money and could have and should have paid us back immediately but chose not to.
I think you are both greedy selfish scum. That money is meant to be for my children.

MLM schemes are vile and I'm judging you for being part of them, buying from them or being involved with them in any way, let alone raving about them all day on social media. It makes me question your intelligence.

I know you constantly tell lies to me about your successes in life to try and one-up me, and I know you feel jealous of some aspects of my life and that is probably why you lie. I really care for you as a person, I think you’re great, but the competitiveness and subtle put downs you’ve started doing to try and make yourself feel better and put me on the back foot are wearing thin now, so I will have to distance myself from you. I hope things improve in your life so you stop being unkind.

No love, deep down he doesn't really love you. You are just someone he can spin a few lines with while he stashes drugs at your house and sleeps with THOUSANDS of other women and fathering kids behind your back. He knows you'll have a tantrum and say it's done but then will open the door again after 3 months!

I also hate the fact you act surprised when you find out about yet ANOTHER woman!

Pandora is shite.

It’s could’ve or could have. Not could of