Your daughter - yes, I said it - is not "redefining what it is to be a woman" by claiming that she's male. She's not "ahead of her time". She - yes, I said that too - found out her big sister had been raped multiple times when she was eight, thought her dad was going to die, twice, then found out her sister was sexually assaulted by a man in between lockdowns. Just as she herself was hitting teenage years.
Oh and she sees her mother in a SAHM role in which she doesn't really want to be, but tries to pretend she does.
Is it ANY WONDER SHE DOESN'T WANT TO BE A WOMAN?! She went from being a girl, to being a "they" to being a "he" within 9 months, with no dysphoria at all before. And seemingly none now either!
Everybody is dancing around "him" while "he" wears long dangly earrings, dresses and other outwardly feminine things..and has changed "his" name to something more feminine than the name on her birth certificate.
But saying that all this plus your daughter's crippling anxiety, that also developed during this same timeframe, has anything to do with her digging her metaphorical heels in and rejecting both the development her female body and what she knows can go along with that, seems to be sacreligious.
And if all that weren't bad enough, you enjoy the semi celebrity, the implied "specialness" of "being the mother of a trans kid". You enjoy complaining that she has to wait to get testosterone, that she has to wait to get a double mastectomy. You enjoy saying "it's not fair". She's 14 FFS. It's only been 18 months since this first started, less than a year since she decided she was a boy and now you're complaining she can't get her breasts cut off immediately?!
You are so desperate to be seen as the cool mum/woke mum/special mum that you're willing to sacrifice your daughter's future health. You're so happy being "the mother of a trans kid" that you're overlooking the fact she's lesbian (or bi) and helping her feel comfortable. You are making up for how unimportant you feel in the SAHM role (you're not, but socially it can feel like that - as you know I know) by gleefully taking on a special role as being a "mother of a trans kid".
You get a kick out of the pronoun "he" when talking about your daughter. It's almost like every time you say it, you reconfirm your conferred specialness. You love to say that you don't expect anybody else to get the pronouns correct straight away. And yet nobody f*cking dares get it wrong, because your (pseudo) magnanimity is patronisingly, disapprovingly transparent.
Your eldest daughter does not have a brother called Emilia (not real name). You do not have a son. You are not raising a male and female child. You have two daughters, one of whom is trying to back-peddle from being a woman so fast it hurts. She needs help, real help, not a broken voice or her breasts cut off.
I used to look up to you and your parenting. I don't now. I'm so, so sad. I cannot say any of this because you only want to hear things that make you feel special on this topic. I don't want to be labelled as a transphobic bigot any more than you have already suggested I am based on conversations we had before all this started.
Your DD could be called delusional for insisting she's the sex she's not. After everything she discovered in a short period of time and sees from your life, accompanied by the social isolation of lockdowns, is it any surprise she doesn't want to be a woman?! I actually think she's perfectly rational but has found an irrational way to express it.
PS I'm the mother of a son and a daughter. I know there are different issues raising the two sexes, especially once puberty raises it's head. But trust me, raising your daughter who has recently identified as male is not the same as raising a boy. Really, trust me on this. You're gaslighting me (or attempting to) about my own experiences raising a boy and I find it insulting. My son is not a traumatised girl. He's a boy, with all that that means physically and socially.
PPPS My son is also not a rapist-to-be. Funny how you can tell the difference between our "sons" on that front.