What kind of mum are you?

[Lwren]

Very keen to read and learn from others. This isn't to bash anyone for how they parent or don't parent, I genuinely want to be nosy about how you'd describe yourself as a parent.

I'm a "kids are bathed daily, yet always filthy" mum.

Were just very ordinary. Play outside, go the park, walk, beaches etc
Read books about Dinosaurs shitting princesses, make crispy cakes and tell fart jokes.
Always hanging out together and cuddly.

I wonder lots though, is it enough? Should I be doing more? I read posts from parents who's kids do shit tons of activities, every Pinterest mum has their kid eating snack boards that look like professional caterers have whipped them up, do I need to get my kids tutors?! I'm not the brightest if I'm honest and I never want that to get in the way of their progress.

Is just being a nice mum enough in this day and age? I fear not. Anyone else?

I'm not sure I'm any sort of mum.

Sometimes there's elaborate small world set ups and phonics games and science experiments. Sometimes it's tv on for far too long.

Sometimes it's homemade crispy tofu poke bowls and sometimes it's supermarket pizza.

Most of the time I'm calm and patient and understanding, sometimes I have to leave the room to rage-scream in to a pillow before I lose my shit.

Just depends on the day, really.

Honestly? I am a shit one. I have tried my best but neither did I put myself and my career first in order to be fulfilled, meet my own potential, give kids a strong role model and be financially secure. Nor have I built my life around always being there for the kids and making sure each part of their life is organised and calm and happy. Nor did I marry someone who made a good dad, so I had to put family through turmoil of an abusive marriage and miserable separation.

So in summary I am always working, always broke, always distracted and my kids are both wonderful, but sad.

I'm a 'try my best 80% of the time' and the other 20% I am a 'put the tv on, stick a frozen pizza in the oven whilst I drink wine at 5pm on the sofa' type of mom.

I wish I was more outdoorsy. I think being outdoors A LOT is really important but I seem to have got out the habit. Although we do walk to school most of the time which is 40 minutes each way so at least there is that.

I'm good at reading books, endlessly. Not so good at playing cars or shops for long.

@CrapBucket they'll not see it that way. They'll see you as a fucking warrior, their protector and best friend.
Trust me.

@CrapBucket you sound like a really good role model. You left an abusive marriage (your kids will grow up knowing how NOT to be treated) and you work hard. A good work ethic will stand your children in very good stead.

Already emerging theme - we all beat ourselves up. Well I never 🙄

Maybe we're just under loads of fucking pressure

I don't beat myself up. I'm not sure what kind of dm I am but I fall comfortably in the good enough category.

I'm a good enough mum. I provide for my kids, I picked a good father for them, and he is a phenomenal dad.

I'm a disorganised mum. Always the one turning up to nursery bang on time at best, usually 5 minutes late. The house is clean but you wouldn't know it for all the toys everywhere. Sometimes they get lovely home cooked meals. Sometimes they get fishfingers and chips chucked in front of them. Some days we head to the beach or the park. Some days it's a success if they are in matching socks. We are all surviving though and hopefully they know I love them very much even if they don't have an instagramable life.

To be fair I was disorganised before I had them so it's no great shock

I agree with Mollicious, I strive to be a “good enough” parent. There are certain things that really matter to me as a mum, like being on time to collect them from school & trying to be at their assemblies/sports days/concerts or what have you. I make quite a big fuss of them on birthdays by letting them choose a cake and trying to make it myself/having a little party or bday tea/decorating the house. I find it helpful to think about what matters to me as a parent and prioritise those things and then let things that are less important to me slide.
I find it hard to always make dinner from scratch although I’d like to work towards this more and rely less on fishfingers or other frozen food. I definitely look at my phone too much and feel guilty afterwards for not giving them my full attention. I yell more than I’d like (“GET DRESSED!!”) Just a human at the end of the day. Generally if my kids seem happy and I’m also mostly happy then I feel like we are doing alright. And imagine how awful it would be to be raised by a perfect parent!!

Honestly I think I'm a great mum. I've been crap at everything my whole life and known it, but somehow I was built for being a parent. It's the only thing I am good at.

Weird parenting balance with myself- I’m a childminder and I feel guilty about spending my time focussing on other peoples children whilst in the presence of my own. They may do lots of EYFS activities but they didn’t have another adult bond until they went to preschool at 3/4yrs.

Im also tired all the time, so I’m the evenings the last thing I want to do is play. 😬 I think I’m a bit snappy as all my good humour and patience is used up by 6pm.

Dinosaurs shitting princesses?

I don’t know. I feel guilty so often, and I feel like I’m not always the mother I want to be.

I love my children to the ends of the earth, but I sometimes let my frustrations with myself boil over and then I shout and get angry and then I feel guilty.

I then try and do too much to overcompensate and then end up exhausted. And the cycle starts again!

That being said, I have got a new born and a just turned 2 year old and 2 other children under 8 so I guess I’m just tired!

I haven’t thought about it much before, but the only thing I consciously wanted to be was calm and patient - things missing from my own childhood and something I actively looked for in a partner/ potential father too. Most of the time we hit the bar I’ve silently set, there’s no shouting (from us) and we explain things whenever we can so we’re not just barking orders he doesn’t understand.

I only have one toddler DC at the moment. On my days off I try to make sure he has at least one spell of decent outdoor exercise and also reading and something crafty/ arty each day. Other than that it’s over to him to play with whatever and I’ll dip in and out as he needs/ wants me to.

I definitely spend too much time on my phones (work emails on days off and social media on personal phone) and really do need to work on that (he’s asleep now 🤣). His diet is healthy enough I think although far from perfect.

I don't know. I am full of love for my DC and very affectionate. My priority is making sure they have a stable loving home. My DP, their father, and I have a great relationship but he has MH issues so does struggle. I love being a mum but had my DC young, we are a young family and I went straight from being childless living at home (and the youngest to boot) and feel like it's taken me a long time to learn to run a household (with still lots of work to do).

We make the house cosy and buy lots of nice things in it for them but it is messy 99% of the time. I have worked part time/from home to be around for them but now that I've had 3 and have recently stepped up to full time, yes my standards are slipping and they eat far too many unhealthy snacks and have too much screen time. They bathe 2 - 3 times a week but that probably isn't enough and sometimes in winter it's once a week (plus swimming lesson). I am not well off and quite bad with money so while the essentials are covered and they have lots of things, I quite often scrape through the second half of the month though this should change soon. I also am a quiet introvert and like my own time so if it's possible then yes I will sit down and do my own thing like play a game or read a book but I don't separate myself from the DC, they are always pottering around me.

I don't think I do enough anymore and their early years were filled with lots of nice walks and it felt like there was room and time for everybody. Now I feel like I'm constantly battling against housework, cooking and work but I only really feed bad when I compare myself to others because I know that my kids have a stable home (as in physically the house), a stable home life parents who love each other and love them, a reasonable routine, a bed time, they're fed, clean, loved, can relax at home, do things at the weekend, and seem happy.

It's been nice to be brutally honest, frankly.

I'm a sit down at the end of the day and say 'at least I tried' mum. Our activities vary from week to week, day to day, they do swimming lessons and we're always encouraging them with their speech and development (they're 2&1), I do baking with the elder if the younger is asleep or with another adult, but not every day is a good day 🤷‍♀️ parenting is just like everything else in life for me, some times it's good, some times it's not, but I can honestly say I've always done what I thought was best in the moment, looking back it hasn't always been, but I thought it was at the time, so I don't feel like I ever need to beat myself up over things.

I'm an okay mum. Not good. Certainly not great.

I don't feed them gourmet snacks or even particularly healthy food (picky kids!). We don't visit farms or national trust sites every weekend. I don't take them on holidays. I lose my temper and shout often before school. I'm often distracted by work.

But. I am there every night to bathe and put them to bed. I read with them and care about their education. I know them well and we can have a laugh sometimes. They have a very stable home with me and their wonderful dad, and all grandparents dote on them.

I try my best... but I'm not naive enough to realise my best probably falls short at times!

I'm a disorganised mum. Always the one turning up to nursery bang on time at best, usually 5 minutes late. The house is clean but you wouldn't know it for all the toys everywhere. Sometimes they get lovely home cooked meals. Sometimes they get fishfingers and chips chucked in front of them. Some days we head to the beach or the park. Some days it's a success if they are in matching socks. We are all surviving though and hopefully they know I love them very much even if they don't have an instagramable life

I can very much relate to this

Apparently an utterly shit one because DS2 has been NC for almost 3yrs (he's 22) but DS1 still says he loves me and chats all the time.

I'm a lot like my own Mum. Except she was 15 years younger than me when she became a Mum. So she definitely was more energetic than I am, but I think my being an older parent has its own benefits.
We have a happy home and I think that DD and my DSC think we're doing ok. I don't have a lot of mum-guilt but will reflect on when things haven't gone well!

When DD was little (under 4) and easy as pie - I was a great mum, I was calm and warm and caring, and supportive, and ensured that she always had her five a day, and screen time was limited.

Since she's been a bit older, and she's more challenging, and a picky eater, and everything is a rush with school and work - I'm 85% that same mum, but much much shoutier.

I never shout bad things - but I do raise my voice, a LOT.

I have no idea. The only person who can answer that is my DD.

You sound an amazing mum doing a great job. Kids don't need endless activities and things to do x