What kind of mum are you?

[Lwren]

Very keen to read and learn from others. This isn't to bash anyone for how they parent or don't parent, I genuinely want to be nosy about how you'd describe yourself as a parent.

I'm a "kids are bathed daily, yet always filthy" mum.

Were just very ordinary. Play outside, go the park, walk, beaches etc
Read books about Dinosaurs shitting princesses, make crispy cakes and tell fart jokes.
Always hanging out together and cuddly.

I wonder lots though, is it enough? Should I be doing more? I read posts from parents who's kids do shit tons of activities, every Pinterest mum has their kid eating snack boards that look like professional caterers have whipped them up, do I need to get my kids tutors?! I'm not the brightest if I'm honest and I never want that to get in the way of their progress.

Is just being a nice mum enough in this day and age? I fear not. Anyone else?

I’m genuinely a terrible mum, the complete opposite of how I envisioned I would be. My H left me with 3 primary school DC & barely has any contact. Since then, life has become unbelievably overwhelming. I am short tempered, have no patience, feel trapped because I have no freedom anymore, don’t play games with them & am constantly stressed. I can’t even look forward to weekends anymore because I just dread all the free time & don’t have work as a distraction.

i genuinely feel sorry for my DC having me as a mum because they deserve better.

This made me giggle wtf? I would echo @milawops nice and disorganised and totally chaotic! But fun… couldn’t imagine strict routines and endless plans/clubs etc. Some would say i’m too laid back but seems to work for us…

I think I'm OK at it. Not perfect and sometimes I worry how they'll feel about me as adults. They think I'm great now but all children their ages probably think the sun shines out of their mum's arse. I am a bit short tempered and I don't play with toys much, but I love reading stories, taking them out and joking around. I'm sure they know I love them to bits, so yeah hopefully it'll be good enough.

You sound lovely to me.

You're doing great.

I think there's so much a thing as over parenting tbh. Too much structure. Too many activities. Too much expectation etc.

My kids are both little so not sure what kind of mum I am. I'm quite silly and relaxed about the little things. But can get riled up semi easily by tantrums.

Not as good as I would like to be. Disorganised and feel so rushed by the weekend I’m exhausted and lazy

but ds is happy and knows he is loved more than anything

I was the stressed out,worn out,trying to do my best mum
at times short tempered and juggling too much stuff but always tried my best
we’d have lazy days under the duvet and movie nights with extra treats
they always had clean clothes (didn’t stay that way),a hot meal on the table,bath and a story at bedtime
i cared about their education and tried to stay on top of the way teachers taught,which was different to the way I was taught (I’d get grandad to help-he’s very intelligent and keen to teach them)
i was lucky was they’d entertain each other with no that much Input from me
i used the tv as a babysitter a bit too much but it doesn’t seem to have caused any harm
now they are grown up,I try to take a step back but not too far back,they know I’m always there and would drop everything if needed
they all phone me for advice and they do-often
at the end of the day,nobody is perfect-we all try our best

I can’t remember parents playing with children when I was young

I remember my nanny building a den and playing snap but that’s about it and the occasional cake baking from a packet

we were out and the had no idea where we really were and on holidays we would wonder off

my mum often comments on parents being in their phones I remind her children are now always under their parents feet

I’m the mum my children need me to be. I parent based on what works for them, what plays to their strengths, what works for their personalities, their interests etc. It works well and I have an excellent relationship with them both.

My DM was very strict and it was her way or the high way. It was an awful way to live and I vowed I would never do that to my children.

I think the age of social media means we feel we need to be a 'type' of mum and align ourselves with something.

I love my little girl. I love being her mum and I want her life to be happy and filled with my love and support. I can't engage with worrying about whether or not I'm a good mum. I want to enjoy my dd and life and not do the guilt thing (easier said than done!)

I think I am okay.

There is probably too much screen time (my toddler is far too adept with an iPad at her age) but it's a trade off with working full time so I can provide her with other activities. We are fortunate that within reason, we can go out at the weekends to visit various places and if she needs extra tutoring/after school clubs in the future that's fine too.

All I hope is that my daughter feels loved and knows she can come to me as her safe space. Anything else, we can figure out together.

Sorry … I’m not in any way trying to be rude or indeed pompous, but what?

Probably a terrible one, my kids have way too much screen time, regularly eat chicken nuggets and waffles for dinner, my 4 year old ate an acorn last week although that was entirely his idea, some days we stay in our pyjamas and relax all day instead of going out, I sometimes let my son go to nursery with paint and glitter in his hair because he refuses to get a bath. Ultimately they are both happy, healthy, safe and loved, so I must be at least half decent as a parent.

@Seejee82

So @SleepingStandingUp thinks she is a shit mum because she does not work (although has very young twins) is a bit overweight, doesn’t have a spotless house and forgets things every now and again.

I asked her if she believed she was a shit mum or if she was judging herself by the high standards of a very pompous bunch of Mumsnetters, given that while many posters are supportive, there are many who are not particularly kind to SAHMs, women struggling with their weight and women who are messy.

Clearly something I said annoyed you but I’m lost as to what.

You protected them, that in my opinion makes you amazing. 😍

‘No’ what?

Please, just stop. I really don’t have the patience to converse with idiots at this time of the night.

I'm fair and easy to talk to.
Not pushy or demanding but, expect manners and kindness.
More of a friend but, if they do massively wrong or upset others - that's where I let rip.
I laugh with them and, explain things.
They're not sheltered from the world.
I drink wine at 4pm on occasion.
Ive let my 15 year old have a glass of wine or 2.
They eat well, mostly.
Sometimes, I buy them whatever they desire - other times they get told No.

I'm a human - a busy working mum. Who tries her best to provide.
I will make mistakes and, so will they.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Do you honestly not understand my post was warm and supportive?

I was telling her that she was NOT a shit mum, and the only people who would say she was were a bunch of extremely pompous Mumsnetters

’nice rewording there’

Well yes. I didn’t want to call someone ‘fat.’ So fucking sue me for trying to be polite.

Seriously, pack it in. It’s really getting on my fucking nerves that even a pleasant and supportive post on here attracts dickheads.

I've just asked DS3, who's 25, and he said I'm a 'great' one. I'll take that though I think he might have said it under duress 😂

I think I've been a good enough mum. I'm just glad to have a really good relationship with my adult sons. I suppose I must have done something right over the years.

It’s quite funny that PP thinks you’re dim when they are the one who has completely not understood your post 🤣

I can cope with one misunderstanding but not three.

The words Fuck and Off are going through my head. Which probably is a bit pompous.