What kind of mum are you?

[Lwren]

Very keen to read and learn from others. This isn't to bash anyone for how they parent or don't parent, I genuinely want to be nosy about how you'd describe yourself as a parent.

I'm a "kids are bathed daily, yet always filthy" mum.

Were just very ordinary. Play outside, go the park, walk, beaches etc
Read books about Dinosaurs shitting princesses, make crispy cakes and tell fart jokes.
Always hanging out together and cuddly.

I wonder lots though, is it enough? Should I be doing more? I read posts from parents who's kids do shit tons of activities, every Pinterest mum has their kid eating snack boards that look like professional caterers have whipped them up, do I need to get my kids tutors?! I'm not the brightest if I'm honest and I never want that to get in the way of their progress.

Is just being a nice mum enough in this day and age? I fear not. Anyone else?

I'm a parents matter too and balance is key mum

Mine are pre teen/teen now.

I played with them but mostly encouraged them to play without me.

Did crafts/baking/board games bit also kicked them out alone to play.

Did bed time stories but also had unlimited screen time.

Let them eat junk

Tell them the importance of education but don't push it.

Encourage hobbies and friends but don't push it.

Lots of independence.

Firm expectations on behaviour and doing their share but can also give in too often

Always had time away with my own friends and shown them the importance of me having a career

Good enough is good enough. Love them and show them they matter.

You are absolutely not a shit mum. You are setting them a brilliant example by working hard, you got them out of danger by escaping an abusive relationship, and you are teaching them that you are not always 'there' because sometimes they can't be no 1 in the pecking order and the world does not revolve around them. You sound brilliant!

As for me, I am a bit like the OP. Screen free household, outdoorsy, baking, laughing, sporty. Not nicey nicey, don't pander to tantrums or whining. We have discipline but we also have fun.

I try my best and fuck up plenty, and I think we very much parent our way as I gave up trying to live up to any kind of standard that isn’t ours or is unrealistic.

We are an open and honest household, and we encourage talking about emotions and what we’re going through. I do sometimes lose my temper, but apologies come straight away, and I keep the communication open about where I’m at. Whilst I could berate myself for losing my temper at all as I grew up with a parent who often did, apologies, and being authentic about how we were feeling never happened so I take any progress tbh.

I wanted to head out with DD today, but so far instead we’ve painted some figurines and tidied up her room together. She’s watched tv whilst I’ve continued to tidy up. Now I desperately need a shower and may consider going out for some fresh air again.

No one’s child hood is perfect, and I think for the most part we all try our best with what we have.

I'm good enough. I don't yell much, I try to be interested and engaged in their lives and make them feel loved and supported. We do stuff together as a family, and we're a team. Before DD2 came along I had a bit better balance of time for myself and I've not quite regained that yet, but it'll come. Work/life balance is okay, house is okay, not great, not terrible. 80% of the time it's good enough, and mostly I don't feel guilty - I know we're all trying our best.

I was also wondering about this 😂

I'm an always tired, busy, headachey mum

I'm very loving and demonstrative towards my son. Something that was severely lacking in my own childhood. I fully support him academically and socially. In essence, his needs are at the forefront of everything.

I am also anxious, stressed and overwhelmed a lot of the time for a variety of reasons. I try my best to hide this from him.

It will be interesting to hear his take on his childhood/my parenting when he's an adult! I try my best and I hope he will recognise that.

Guaranteed crowd pleasing story for small children - "the dinosaur ate the princess, and then he pooed her out and she ran away!"

What are the categories?

I varied between making kids instagrammy worthy cartoon shaped sandwiches (that phases lastet about a week - - takes all morning and wastes a load of food!) and making elaborate party cakes to feeding the kids all day, still in pjs and watched 10 episodes of peppa pig sort of mum.

trust me - thoses immaculate all organised, photos on instagram took hours to prepare - all the while the kids will have been shoved in front of the TV wheil mummy prepares and then not allowed to eat the food for ages while mummy takes photos from all angles. I remember someone posting either on here or somewhere like face book that they were at a lovely pool, a woman rocked up with her small child, took loads of photos etc and then left even though the child wanted to play.
I'd rather be the mum whos kids have some lunch down their tops and my hair in a messy bun but with kids who are having fun time with their parent. it doesnt last long, mine are all teens now and rarely want to do anything with me!

No idea
I did tell DD once that I thought I would always be a very glam slightly aloof Mum that all her friends were in awe of but also a bit intimidated by.
She snorted and asked “how is that working out for you?”

I worry.

I wanted to spend hours pouring over books, but my DS will only ‘let’ me read to him from a limited selection which I am sick to death of

I wanted to set up lots of different games and activities but it takes ages to do and then he glances at it and walks away.

I never know what to do when he’s horrible to other kids

Despite my best attempts I struggle to give five portions of fresh fruit and veg a day, every day. Some days he barely eats anything. Yesterday he got through the day on one soreen loaf, small portion of cereal, a bit of mango, some baked beans and half a slice of toast. (he was offered a peach, blueberries and a banana and some salad.)

I thought we’d all eat around the table. We don’t.

I thought I’d breastfeed. I didn’t.

I worry a lot.

In practice "routine" is my middle name. I'd love to be warm, spontaneous etc and I think sometimes I am, but mainly I'm someone who can make a good routine and stick to it. In terms of food, clothes, education, getting places etc.

I think I am quite a lazy mum, when my DC were young I let them watch as much TV as they wanted, the same with playing video games. We did lots of days out but then they could chill doing whatever they wanted.
We had and still have a thing where any books that want my DH and I pay for, this seems to have really encouraged reading.
I never nagged about homework but did do a complex bespoke cash per GCSE grade scheme which seemed to do the trick. My thinking was without the right grades at GCSE’s there will be no A levels and then they won’t go to uni.
My DC are adults now and have turned out to be lovey people if I do say so myself. They are all in careers that they enjoy and have a nice network of friends.

This is my kind of thread.
I hope everyone is reading all the other posts and realise we are doing alright.

I think I am quite a chilled out mum. With my first I was always comparing myself to others but second time round I'm honestly not bothered what others are doing.
I expect some people will think I am awful, my kids only have 1 bath a week, they don't do any after school clubs/swimming lessons etc, I'm sure you'd think some of their meals leave a lot to be desired.
However they are both extremely loved, happy and healthy little girls, the eldest is doing great at school, we spend a lot of time together, so I don't think I'm doing that bad a job.

Defeated.

Dinosaurs shitting princesses?

It's the dinosaur that pooped series.

I'm a pretty relaxed mum overall. My DC know they're loved which is the main thing.

It’s a bit early to tell. DD is 3.

She is at nursery 4 long days a week so for the 3 days she is home we are very relaxed, she doesn’t do any activities yet. I intend to introduce some options once she is at school. We haven’t had a family holiday yet (Covid) but we do a few days out eg we have our first theatre trip soon and are going by train as DD hasn’t been on one yet. I am
trying to start to broaden her world now.

I’m quite in to “gentle/attachment parenting” but don't follow anything formal, just what feels natural to me. We cuddle a lot, talk about feelings and I try to not be cross or shouty but I’m not perfect. We are hot on manners though.

DH and I are quite academic (postgrad educated) and DD is described as bright by nursery so we do try to instill a love of knowledge and books. We let her watch too much TV sometimes but she is not allowed an ipad or similar and can sit at a restaurant and eat nicely without needing entertainment.

I don’t think we do enough physical activity though at the moment as we are busy renovating our house, so time is limited. DD is naturally quite lazy which doesn’t help. That’s our current flaw, that and being too busy.

I’m pretty laid back about food. We were very careful with salt/sugar to start with but now more relaxed. She eats pretty well but I’m not fazed by the fussiness. I was the worlds fussiest child and now eat most things so I can let that go.

Sadly I think many of us can relate. At least we can tick off resilience into their life lessons.

If they are fed and watered, clean & tidy at least some of the time, and they know without a shadow of a doubt that you love them to the ends of the earth and back, then you're a good parent.

Everything else is secondary.

This. Sometimes I'm involved and interested. Sometimes we've baked a cake, built a cardboard box pirate ship and been to the playground by 10am. Other days (when I have a work deadline or just exhausted), we get to lunchtime and I realise DC has been on the tablet/watching TV the entire morning. Sometimes we're in a hurry and I'm like a particularly obnoxious sergeant-major and sometimes we have plenty of time and I'm laid-back and jokey.

Thank you so much for replies everyone!

It's made me really think, I'm guessing some of us felt we'd be "better" but the mums who are saying they're good enough I think we can learn from.

I like it when parents cheer each other on and share ideas. It's fucking tough, I genuinely try to not judge anyone for parenting choices but I pick on myself for things I'd never in my wildest dreams judge someone else for not doing.

I read the thread on aibu about the mum who's kids were enroute to sainthood as op marvellously put.
It made me wonder am I a bit shit but the more I've thought about it, maybe their childhood is also a bit shit. Maybe they want to read about pooping Dinosaurs and have pyjama days.

Thanks for this ladies x

I'm an amazing mom according to my 11 & 8 year olds.

And frankly, it's the only opinion I care about or that holds any weight.

I take my career seriously, I take my free time seriously, I take my exercise and health seriously, I take my marriage seriously and I take my role as a mom seriously. But they can't all come first all of the time.

I don't care if I've not done something with them at the weekend. If we've spent all weekend watching stranger things and chatting then it's all good.
I don't care if they eat poorly for a week, I just change it up the following week.

As long as I am there exactly when they need me to be, with a helping hand, the answer to a question, to take an interest in what they're saying, to demonstrate stability (be in with a husband or alone), then I'm doing brilliantly.

I try my best. I am usually quite tired after working 40 hours a week and commuting and house work and cooking etc but I try to give DS my full attention when he needs it.

I am prone to forgetting eg permission slips for school, buying new wellies in time for certain events but nothing too extreme!

I am quite a calm person but when I get touched out eg at the end of the day I am sometimes a bit snappy and always feel bad about it. I am conscious he is 9 and won’t always want to spend time with me which is what I try to remember when I feel patience slipping.

As long as I am there exactly when they need me to be, with a helping hand, the answer to a question, to take an interest in what they're saying, to demonstrate stability (be in with a husband or alone), then I'm doing brilliantly.

This is so lovely an empowering!