What kind of mum are you?

[Lwren]

Very keen to read and learn from others. This isn't to bash anyone for how they parent or don't parent, I genuinely want to be nosy about how you'd describe yourself as a parent.

I'm a "kids are bathed daily, yet always filthy" mum.

Were just very ordinary. Play outside, go the park, walk, beaches etc
Read books about Dinosaurs shitting princesses, make crispy cakes and tell fart jokes.
Always hanging out together and cuddly.

I wonder lots though, is it enough? Should I be doing more? I read posts from parents who's kids do shit tons of activities, every Pinterest mum has their kid eating snack boards that look like professional caterers have whipped them up, do I need to get my kids tutors?! I'm not the brightest if I'm honest and I never want that to get in the way of their progress.

Is just being a nice mum enough in this day and age? I fear not. Anyone else?

There was a thread on here a few weeks back asking which mum are you most like from the TV show ‘Motherland’ I was thinking none I’m more of a ‘Frankie Heck from the middle’ type mum. Everyone on here always sounds like they have their ‘shit’ together with a tonne of money, my kids go to a rough school where nobody is like any character from Motherland, the PTFA at my school aren’t all high end with loads of money they look like they’d kick the shit outta me for not donating £1.

Today was an average day for us. DS is 2y4m, I am 38 weeks pregnant, so maybe a bit more screen time than usual.

Wake up at 7:30
Breakfast at 8 (scotch pancakes, banana, and a cup of tea)
Watching TV on the tablet until 9:30
DS played with Hot Wheels while I cleaned the kitchen from dinner last night and the night before
Poo accident from DS
Built a train track for Hot Wheels because that's all DS wants to play with
Lunch at 11:30 (jam sandwich, cheese, and blueberries)
Swimming lesson at 12:30
Nap from 1:30-2:30
Cuddle on the sofa and watch Toy Story because I can't be bothered to go to the park (if I weren't heavily pregnant, we'd usually go to the park at this point)
Eat a snack (bourbon cream biscuit and apple slices)
Run about like lunatics with the dog throughout the house until DS smacks into a door/falls and gets whiny
Play with Hot Wheels
Watch cat/hamster videos and nursery rhymes on tablet
Dinner at 6:15 (fish fingers, chips, cauliflower, and carrots, plus 3 chocolate buttons if DS tries everything)
Bath at 6:45, assuming DS isn't suddenly terrified of "shadows in the bath", otherwise quick wipe down of DS and then pajamas
Drink of milk and cuddle with DH and an episode of Bluey
Bedtime story, sing a song, goodnight kisses
Bedtime at 7:15

We do a dance class once per week, toddler group once per week, and DS is in nursery 1.5 days per week. So I'd say I'm fairly laid back if not a tad lazy these days.

A worried, anxious mum.

Ive always struggled with catastrophising over the kids, although I try not to let them see.

I try my best with the kids, but sometimes I need to remind myself to let them do things themselves as they grow, being at the park for example... I guess some of you would call it helicopter parenting. I know I need to let them be more independent... All my kids have special educational needs, so perhaps that contributes.

My life revolves around my kids and I always put them first, but I do worry about how I'll be once they've grown up. I don't have much me time, and I do think god, what will I do when they leave home. I know it's something I need to keep working on.

I know my kids will look back and feel like they were so so loved, as we're such a close little family, and I'm always there to help anyway I can, I just hope they don't feel I was too much!

this ^

I'm the organised but not that fun force in the house. Make sure DC gets nutritious meals whereas DH loves to play. I'm good for cuddles, reading, colouring and gentle things. DH is good for taking them out to burn off steam if I'm tired and just general mucking about.
We both are opposites so work well as a parenting team. Equal household so hopefully a good template for DD.

I don't much like being at home all day with DD (she's ace I just find it such hard work!!!!) so going back to work full time in a better paid role now she's 2 so I can bring more to the household.

I oscillate somewhere between:

‘Oh god, am I am terrible mum? Must quickly do some sort of enriching activity’

’I love them so much, everyone compliments me on them, they really are wonderful. I must be alright really at this parenting thing’

’Fuck this. What on earth did I do this for. I should take up drinking’.

Strong, firm but fair and fun

How my kids would describe me may vary 😬

I’m very present. That’s not to say a helicopter parent but I’m here, involved and always willing to ferry them about.

I think I’m the feral free range type mum. My kids have played outside in the village with their pals and little to no supervision since they were 4 or 5 - basically primary age. They come in from school themselves because I’m at work for another half an hour after the school bus hits the village. They ride ponies bareback in the field sometimes without hats, they ride quads, sit on my knee if I’m driving in the village and I’ve no back seats in. They fish and swim in the loch, they play up the woods on tree swings or building dens, they just get on with life. They can take a service bus to town by themselves, they can go to the shop and get a decent amount of shopping themselves and they’ve been known to clear snow and grit paths for money off neighbours.

They can get themselves up washed dressed fed and away to the school bus without any interaction from me if I’m over the field at the horses or whatever. They’re pretty independent wee boys and I’m proud of them. I recon if I stocked the house with food they’d be fine for a good few weeks (obvs have not tested this theory) without me. They both are swimmers and I’ve got one at cubs and one scout but that’s all their ‘clubs’ unless you include eldests pipe band.

Like to think I'm good, enough. Loving and firm but fair, no nonsense, likes to talk about their emotions. Tries to make them rounded and address their faults and rough edges. Organised. I know I've done a good enough job, despite being heavily criticised by authorities years ago.

I'm a not good enough one. Don't work so I'm a terrible example for having a work ethic. The house is never spock and span so I'm a terrible example for being house proud. I'm fat so I'm a terrible example for a healthy lifestyle. I shout when I get fed up. I forget stuff liking taking DS to the Dr's a week early for a flu jab that I missed an appt for a week prior. I love them but I know they could do much better.

I think I'm a great mum and balance it all really well. But I only have 1. Which makes it easier and I feel guilty and sad that she doesn't have a sibling.

Is this you talking or Mumsnet at its most pompous?

I think I’m quite a chill mum. My mum had high powered jobs and was always rushing and stressed and snappy, and not a very warm person in general. I really wanted to be different to that and am generally easy going- eg. tonight we are eating oven pizza on the sofa and watching Princess Sofia because DD is tired after a long week at school.

I struggled for a couple of years because I had chronic fatigue and couldn’t run around and play with DD when she was a toddler, I felt really awful about that. We ended up with a division where DH did the fun playing and I did the more snuggly stuff- stories, crafts-which was fine, but I am happier now I can join in with activities a bit more!

I’m not very into all the “enrichment” stuff, I think kids need to run around outside and make up imaginary worlds with all their toys. DD does dance on a Saturday and we go to the library after where they normally have a craft activity on. She picks sodding Rainbow Magic books every week and I read them because I love her, but Rachael and Kirsty make me want to stick pins in my eyes so I never have to read about them again

but your DC have seen a mum who does their best and survived a bad marriage and they will remember that and will have learnt some amazing life lessons because of you.

The one that isn’t my DD’s best friend, I’m her parent.
I ‘think’ I’m fair, generous, funny (she’s even said so!!!!) and supportive.
I love her probably more than anyone else still alive.
Could I have been better, oh yes, I stressed too much over little things when she a baby (I had a real problem with weaning her and she was still eating very pureed/mushy food until 16 months when a HV helped me relax a bit about choking risks).

To quote my offspring ' Mum you are a fucking legend'.

That will do for me.

I’m a rushed oh my god where is your uniform just making school on time practical wise I’m not the best. Their mental and emotionally wellbeing is probably where I’m focused I haven’t quite got the balance right. I’m a single mum and have to write a list for myself every night. I’m self employed and seem to be much more organised with that, but my car is an absolute tip to

Firm rules and boundaries but fair!
When giving a choice, 2 choices take it or leave it

I did the marrying someone who was a terrible father in the end and also put the kids through an awful separation I can completely relate

This ❤️

I work full-time so not much of a mum. They say they miss me and they say their dad is a meanie, so I'd say my choices are not going well.

Half assed Tiger mum

I have my flaws but I try my best.

I’m not patient enough and raise my voice too easily, I find watching my 3 year old take an hour to eat a bowl of cereal absolutely soul destroying.

Their diets could be better but I’m worried about causing issues around food. My eldest is so fussy and will turn her nose up at most things. My view is that if she has a few more frozen pizzas than she should, at least she’s not hungry. I hope it’ll get better as she gets older.

I’m very organised though, the house is generally tidy, my kids are never late for anything and they’re never without PE kit etc. I make time to read with them daily, am invested in their education and try and give them a wide range of experiences. Within reason, I try to accommodate all of the things they want to do. They both go to quite a few activities each week and we host a lot of play dates for their friends.