What happens to all the mean girls

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My daughter was talking about the mean girls in her school and it made me ask what she meant. I mean I knew what she meant but wondered what her experience of it was. In her words: they are dismissive of the girls they don't like; talk down to other girls; laugh and bully them to make others do what they want.

Just out of interest…
Are you a mean girl? Were you a mean girl? What made you change?

no, but someone of a similar age

meant to tag @Confusedandperplexed to say it wasn’t deliciously ella. But I don’t think I can say who as on the rare occasion I see anything critical on here about who it is, the thread/posts get instantly shut down

Mine was the queen bee at school-her mates where shit scared of her
she seemed to have it all-thin,pretty,had lovely clothes etc and was a nasty,evil,sly and spiteful bully
she made so many lives hell-mine included
we all left school-and years later I ended up moving next door to her-she’d ballooned out-but I hadn’t and she hated that
she had a fella and two kids-the daughter was her mothers clone-nasty,evil,sly and spiteful
I found out her parents had divorced and hated each other-they fought over who could spend the most money on her and she played them like a fiddle-she still does
we moved away-and last I heard,she’d married her bloke,he left her not long after,her ds had got a girl pregnant at 16,dumped her and never saw his kid
the dd had twins at 15,became a crackhead and lost her kids
shes on her own-mummy and daddy only bother throwing money at her to out-do each other rather than being there for her

another mean girl was oddly jealous that my parents owned their house,drive nice cars and a motorbike
her parents had split up and both hated each other (they both had new partners)
they where jealous that my parents ‘had money’ (they really didn’t) and she overheard quite a lot of the comments that they made
she was also very jealous my parents where still together-they still are-she’d hated her parents new partners-she’d do things like shit in their shoes and lie to break them up-she was desperately unhappy
she grew up,married the school loser,had a dd (the apple didn’t fall far from the tree-she’s a bigger bully than her mother) broke up with him (he had been shagging another school friend),had 3 more babies with another guy (he left her a single mother-he’d been screwing her mate)she drinks waaayyy too much,and her dd has made her a granny 4 times over at the age of 44-and she’s only bothered with her mother when she wants something,like money or babysitting
i feel sorry for her-she thought my life was perfect (it really wasn’t) but she’s still a bitter and twisted bitch-I saw her in the street and she looked so miserable-she still snarled at me
and she’s a nurse for the nhs-I pity anyone who ends up under her care or works with her

They have completely varied lives.

Once has a husband who has consistently cheated on her since they first started going out. He was messaging a friend of mine on OLD recently until she told me who he was and I explained I knew him.

Another has become a reasonably nice person, but her partner is absolutely vile.

One has a very successful business. Split up from her DH when her child was only a few months.

Another one had a baby with someone who was reasonably well-known if you are a fan of the field he's famous for, until he got done for drug driving and it came out that he was seeing escorts.

However, I would be quite willing to bet that the "non mean girls", myself and my friends included, have got equally varied stories in adulthood.

The thing they have in common is that they have all had children very young in the general scheme of things, which might just be the area I live in.

They become Insta influencers named mummatribeoffourdaughters or something of that ilk? The glossy people at high school tend to stay glossy and live lovely, generic farrow and ball lives. The most interesting people were the geeks and overlooked, quietly getting on and ending up as barristers or doing something amazingly creative.

Cool @MargotChateau.

People aren't dicks because they're inherently dicks.

People are dicks because some other fucker has been a dick to them

That's it.

That. Is. It.

I can't hate people.

That's not true. Some people are just bad people.

I also think a lot of people are conflating the rich/pretty/glossy girls with mean girls

When I think of these girls I can't think of any mean thing they did to me. Most of them just didn't know I existed, I felt insecure but it was nothing to do with their actions. We had a group we called the plastics a la mean girls, but they actually were never mean. Just popular and we didn't like them for that. Just insecurity and jealousy really. I wish these girls all the best

The girls that were actively mean
One was a strong Christian who was unpopular, she has married and had a baby young. Seems happy. I am glad, she was just an insecure silly teenager. I wish her no harm

One was again nothing special, very very insecure. She was horrible and manipulative, She's done okay but nothing past Average. I feel no ill harm to her because she has always been deeply unhappy.

One joined the army. I think she may have just been a bitch. But she wasn't particular attractive or clever. Again probably insecurity in trying to prove she was better than others, I think I would feel slight joy at doing better than her but I don't want her to have a shit life

I just think so much of this behaviour is just silly children and silly teenagers, and I what I really wish is they go on to live happy lives and realise what twata they were as teens

The most unpleasant girls I remember came from wealthy backgrounds. Their parents made sure they had expensive clothes, skiing trips, exotic holidays and expensive extra curriculars. I don't think they were mean because someone had been mean to them. They were just casually cruel, like kids who pull the wings off insects. It probably didn't mean much at all to them at the time, and was just a bit of entertainment.

Nothing much, they carry on. They don't see themselves as mean. it's just that they don't SEE people who are no use to them or whose association doesn't bring them glory or validation. They kiss up and sort of kick down by default but they're only focusing on the kissing.

@AntimemeticsDivision you tell yourself that. These girls were bitches because they were beautiful and privileged and enjoyed making others lives miserable.

Myself and many of those bullied by those vicious little bitches, actually had trauma in our lives, but became kind because of it, and empathetic to others. Everyone has things in their lives that are traumatic and unpleasant, a good person takes accountability for their actions and doesn’t use it as an excuse to be a toxic bitch and abuse those less powerful than themselves. Yeah

While there are some kids that were bullied and then bullied, this wasn’t the case here. These girls were nasty from the get go, and just bad people.

Again, I think those protesting that these girls had no autonomy over their actions, were bullies themselves and are trying to justify abusive behaviour.

Some people just like the feeling of power over those they believe are beneath them. Anyone who has worked in retail meets these types on a daily basis.

They’re not damaged, some people just enjoy being arseholes.

One person who I went to school with, who I thought was very manipulative and always creating drama posts frequently on Facebook about their time ar school being bullied

From my perspective people didn't like them because they were always starting arguments, trying to be centre of attention and just cliquey behaviour. I never saw bullying

From their perspective they were bullied and school was thoroughly unpleasant.

I am not sure who is right. But I think it's interesting how perspectives change depending on what side. I would never have considered what went on with this boy as bullying as any fallouts were instigated by him, but he obviously does. I considered him to be the mean one but he considers others to be the mean ones.

@dayswithaY and @gnilliwdog yes, a thousand times yes! 💯

People are dicks because some other fucker has been a dick to them

What about people who have had others be a dick to them but don't become dicks?

@eltonjohnsglasses this 👆🏼

I was bullied by my stepfather and it made me very aware that while I was reasonably popular at school, others weren’t and I empathised with those being bullied, being bullied myself at home.

According to @AntimemeticsDivision my trauma should have made me a bully with no autonomy of my own abusive behaviour, where nothing could be further from the truth.

Exactly this. People are dicks because they're dicks. You can't blame being a bully on being bullied. Most people who get bullied don't go on to torment some other poor kid as well.

Yes this is so often the case. What is the truth you're left wondering. One woman who bullied/ mocked girls who didn't drink, smoke, sleep with their boyfriends (we were 14 fgs) she kinda scared a few of us. We might have been a bit clean cut for her tastes, she preferred the girls who smoked in first year et cetera. But my perception of her was that she was scary and I always avoided her because she would say something mocking or snide to me. She was related to a famous person and had a platform of sorts to speak out about some of her experiences. She said she was bullied at school. The fb private messages were flying I can tell you.

I can assure you if they married vets you can have the last laugh. Vets don't earn nearly as much as you may imagine. Also the vast majority are female (although obviously they could still choose to marry mean girls).

No they have no self awareness.

This!

The mean girls at my school had no idea they were mean. They weren’t actively nasty to me - they just excluded and rejected me, ignored me and didn’t want anything to do with me. If you want to talk about the truly mean bullies, they were all boys. The only ones who physically assaulted me were boys. The only ones who called me names were boys. Not the popular boys either, because they were already top of the heap and didn’t need to assert their dominance. No, it was always the boys lower down the pecking order who didn’t have anyone below them to peck at, so they attacked girls.

People bully for different reasons. Me? I did it to hurt myself. Self harm.

And I think maybe I was mean? But only because I felt he was a bully to me and as a child anything felt entirely justified. Like I'm not inviting this guy to my party be because last time he made x cry and tried to make y and z fight. But all he sees is he wasn't invited to the party. Or z wasn't taking to him. And maybe me and my friends were the bullies. It was so long ago.

I certainly don't feel like he was bullied, but he does and so many posts have spoken about people never realising or showing remorse and its probably because everyone's perspective as a child can vary so wildly.