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Original poster

Expected to give colleague a lift every day, not even asked first!

402 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 08:50

Hopefully you may have some advice on a tricky situation my dp has.

He currently has about a 20 minute commute to work.

His boss rang him the other day to let him know there was a new person starting work, as he lives close to us, dp should pick him up and drop him off every day going forward.

It is fair enough at the moment as dp’s car is in the garage, so work have been really kind and let him use the works van.

Dp doesn’t want to look like a dick and say he refuses to do the pick up/drop off, but he is really pissed off about it.

He doesn’t mind doing while he has the van, that is absolutely fair enough, but when he gets his car back he doesn’t want to get it messed up with dirty work clothes and boots in it (he always brushes himself down and changed boots before getting in).

He also really enjoys listening to music loudly, only time he does this is the commute.

This new person is nice enough, doesn’t drive. We live rurally so no buses.

He feels really miffed this person has been given a job, only way of getting to work is my dp, yet he wasn’t even asked first!

Any ideas how to handle the situation? We really don’t know how to handle it without upsetting the boss.

OP posts:
justcantgetenough · 07/10/2022 11:11

Can't the new guy, get a bike or moped? Is it too dangerous? It's not on for your dp to do this, especially on days he's on a diff. site and having to wait for new guy to finish work.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/10/2022 11:13

Why would you not give a lift?

I like my alone time in the car on my commute, listen to music not having to talk to anyone plus being able to stop at a supermarket on tne way home. So that's why I wouldn't.

Branleuse · 07/10/2022 11:14

It makes sense to have two people in one car than gping seperatly if they share expenses, but he shouldnt have it imposed on him really.

Thelnebriati · 07/10/2022 11:19

If work want him to give the lift then they should let him use the works van to do it.

Wombat100 · 07/10/2022 11:20

Cheeky bastards! I would tell boss I can’t do it, simple as that.

Onlyforcake · 07/10/2022 11:20

I frequently move colleagues around so I have to have 'business use (not just commuting' insurance to cover this.
I'm sure someone has mentioned this.as he would essentially be providing a service using the car normal fully comp insurance could technically not cover it

viques · 07/10/2022 11:20

Even if the newbie is a non driver, and there are few buses there are other ways to get yourself to work and back.

bike
electric bike
motor scooter ( I mean Vespa type not scooting type)
motor bike

thousands and thousands of non driving/ countryside dwelling/ environmentally conscious working people delete as applicable get themselves into work like this every day.

LouisCatorze · 07/10/2022 11:24

Although it's a kind thing to do, I'd be saying to work that I would include it as part of my working day and would expect to be paid overtime rates (it is an imposition) for picking him up / dropping him off (and extra if he's kept waiting at the end of the working day).

Onlyforcake · 07/10/2022 11:24

And I get to claim mileage!

Alondra · 07/10/2022 11:25

The only reason why a boss/company would be asking your husband to pick up another employer is because your husband is driving a company vehicle. Even then, navigating the situation is tricky as your DH can be sick without notice, leaving in the lurch the other employee.

If your DH is driving his own vehicle, the whole thing is illegal. Employers can't give orders to staff to pick other staff as they have no way to enforce how they get to work ......by car, scooter, bicycle or running a marathon every morning if they want to.

Honeyroar · 07/10/2022 11:26

I can see your point (or your husband’s) but he also seems quite happy to have his boss look after him while his car is in the garage by lending him the van - it comes across as happily taking favours but not wanting to give back.. I get that it’s only short term favour, but still. As for the driving up to the front door, well that’s down to your husband- why hasn’t he told him to walk to the end of the road?? He’s just going to have to man up and have a chat with his boss. And the new guy / tell him you’ll give him a lift but he has to change his boots and dust himself off before he gets in, and has to give you £10 a week for fuel.

NotMyselfWithoutCoffee · 07/10/2022 11:27

He doesn't need a good reason.
He just needs to say it doesn't work for him. He doesn't want to be tied to giving someone a lift everyday especially when he is on his way home and might need to divert for personal reasons.
Make up some excuse if you have to.. He has to pop to his mums on the way home whatever.
It's not his responsibility.

balalake · 07/10/2022 11:27

I'd not want to be the passenger with someone I hardly know. If the OPs DH is a good driver, that's great, but about 25% of people with car licences should not have one in my opinion.

In any case, the minimum should be car mileage costs or use of the works van.

Oblomov22 · 07/10/2022 11:29

"Would it really kill him to be so kind"? Angry

I absolutely hate such statements, with a passion. I don't mind doing anybody else a favour and I would happily take someone to work for a week, or two, if they had problems or their car needed to be fixed, but having to do it every day is a commitment I'm not sure I want to do.

this is my time, I get there the time I want to get there: if I choose to leave a few minutes earlier or a few minutes later that's nobody else's business.

Plus, been told to do, an assumption, so I'm not even asked, would seriously get my goat before I even began.

Peach0123 · 07/10/2022 11:35

I can see your frustration OP. As someone who has worked in construction management though, it's a bit tricky until your DP starts using his own vehicle for work commuting.

Does your DP get 'travel time'? If not he should be asking for this due to the delay in getting home while picking up Mr Newbie. Also it sounds like the company are being good letting your DP take the van home as some companies don't allow this and van to be kept at the yard after shift for insurance purposes. This also applies to vehicles being used for personal use, so be careful about saying to the boss DP needs to visit family etc after work. We have taken vans away from guys who were heading home early without permission or doing personal business with them (trackers fitted) Obviously once your DP is using his own vehicle for work/commute home this will change. At the moment DP is sort of in the same position as Newbie as he doesn't have a vehicle to get to work in. Just tell the boss and also the newbie that once the car is back on the road DP can no longer commit to the lifts, it should be that simple with no need to plead a case. It will all work out in the end, DP will be back to singing away on his commute soon 😊

Alondra · 07/10/2022 11:38

Next time your employer asks you to house another employee because they've lost their rental place, you should be kind to offer them your home to live. And if they want to go on holidays with you, by all means. Be kind. Your employer is going to be very happy.

I honestly wonder about the sheer stupidity of some of the posts in this place sometimes.

Nineeuros · 07/10/2022 11:39

I feel your OP. I used to have to do this and it made me angry, my commute was mine and I needed it.

of it has to continue then he has to ask for either the work van or for the lifter to contribute. It’s not granny, it’s fair, especially if he is going out of his way to collect him

WeAllHaveWings · 07/10/2022 11:39

If he doesn't want to, just say no. Tell them he doesn't always travel directly to work/back home so cannot commit to lifts.

If he doesn't mind he can tell the person how much a carshare would be (£25/week?), tell them he must be in clean clothing in the car and have his own means to get to work/go home if your dh is off sick/on annual leave with short notice/needs to go to tescos on the way home/has an appointment etc. If the person declines that is up to them.

GetThatHelmetOn · 07/10/2022 11:41

I wouldn’t sacrifice the time and flexibility of my commuting for a few pounds a week for the petrol. This lift may be adding unpaid overtime to your DH’s work day.

A favour repeated many times becomes an obligation quickly. I just had a half an hour argument with awanker colleague who is convinced that I now need to change my flexible hour to match his workday because how on Earth is he going to go to work??? Apparently, walking 10 minutes to a bus stop is too much for him to bear so he needs me to drive him every day for a token amount for petrol.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/10/2022 11:43

The new starter needs to get a bike or an e-bike so that they can get to and from work themselves (if they can't drive).
If they can, then they need to get a car (or use the company van) and drive themselves to and from work themselves.

It is not your job, nor is it your DH's job to sort out the transportation requirements of an employee.

Your husband needs to schedule a chat with his boss (so that they aren't disturbed) where they can both run through the options available to the new starter but don't involve your DH.

Your DH's mental health is important, and he needs to have his 'me time' on his commute.
Perhaps if your DH started singing at the top of his lungs on the commute in to work or listening to a religious radio station and answering the prayers as he was driving, the other colleague would decide that the no longer wants to join your DH on his journey 😇 😆

diddl · 07/10/2022 11:43

I would have thought that car share only really works when both are drivers.

If one can't for whatever reason then the other isn't stuck!

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 11:45

BigglyBee · 07/10/2022 10:29

OP, I think my husband (now retired) used to do a similar sort of work to your DP. There was a central yard where everyone met up in the morning, and materials, plant etc was stored, and then jobs were assigned and everyone went off to their respective sites. So people could be in very different areas from one day to the next. When my husband was working, he would have been very irritated by having to return to the yard every day, when otherwise he would have been able to go straight home at least on some days. I understand your partner's concerns about his car- concrete dust is a proper bastard! (Long, long experience!).

If it is a similar setup, this is never going to work out without the new guy learning to drive (I'm assuming that any medical condition which prevents driving would also affect working at height, so seems less likely). Is the new person in a particularly sought after trade (plumber, for example, which might explain the boss being so keen to fix this problem for him)? I've known builders who don't drive, but they always took responsibility for their own transport (one cycled 10 miles to work and back, because we live in the Western Isles and buses are more theoretical than actual). One got a moped which he could drive on his provisional licence. One moved to a smaller and much less nice house which was in walking distance of the yard.

I think one way round it might be to insist that the new guy pays towards petrol (because the company isn't responsible for getting him to work, he is), and to say that the car leaves the yard at x time, no exceptions. If he isn't ready on time in the morning, or he is late getting back to the yard after work, then that's tough. I sympathise with the problems faced by non drivers (I was one until relatively late in life), but as long as other people let this problem be pushed onto them, there is no incentive for him to do anything to change his circumstances.

I understand that nobody (or almost nobody, my husband would have loved it) wants to be seen as awkward, but the alternative is to get a reputation as a pushover and to live with the resentment until it boils over.

This post explains perfectly the situation!

I hadn’t even considered a moped. That is a good idea 😁. it means there is a way he could get to work without replying on other people.

He is a young lad, first job. I very much doubt he has considered he is putting dp out, just told he will be picked up dropped off.

I think dp should go with the, what are you going to do when I get my car back and play dumb idea.

Only problem then is we need an excuse ready when boss says something… It is so awful because I honestly don’t think the boss would think dp would mind as he is going past. It’s a really awkward situation, no one is in the wrong really.

OP posts:
stemthetide · 07/10/2022 11:46

your husband simply needs to say. I'll drive by the end of the estate at whatever time if you are there I'll pick you up?

Exactly. I sympathise as the boss had no right to offer someone else's services, but driving through the estate is ridiculous.
I used to give a colleague a lift, but if she wasn't at the end of the road I didn't stop.

FirstFallopians · 07/10/2022 11:46

I used to work in HR for a construction firm.

This wasn’t an unusual arrangement, BUT the lads would make their own way to the firm’s yard and then share a work van down to the site, and the same on return. It was also only done for staff who wanted to lift-share- no one was forced.

If it was a long journey or taking someone out of their way, they’d be paid for their travel time as well- the bosses didn’t think it was grabby at all when someone made the request for travel pay.

notafruit · 07/10/2022 11:48

My DH used to have to give someone a lift. He would come home in a bad mood nearly every night. Some mornings the guy wouldn't be ready so he had to wait. A few times in the school holidays I'd take our dc's somewhere and ask him to pick us up on the way home and the other guy would pull faces and complain as it would make him later home (like 5-10 minutes). It was so much better once the guy left.
He's been asked recently by management to give someone a lift, 15 minutes in the other direction, and he just said "Nope, not doing it" and nothing more was said

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