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Original poster

Expected to give colleague a lift every day, not even asked first!

402 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 08:50

Hopefully you may have some advice on a tricky situation my dp has.

He currently has about a 20 minute commute to work.

His boss rang him the other day to let him know there was a new person starting work, as he lives close to us, dp should pick him up and drop him off every day going forward.

It is fair enough at the moment as dp’s car is in the garage, so work have been really kind and let him use the works van.

Dp doesn’t want to look like a dick and say he refuses to do the pick up/drop off, but he is really pissed off about it.

He doesn’t mind doing while he has the van, that is absolutely fair enough, but when he gets his car back he doesn’t want to get it messed up with dirty work clothes and boots in it (he always brushes himself down and changed boots before getting in).

He also really enjoys listening to music loudly, only time he does this is the commute.

This new person is nice enough, doesn’t drive. We live rurally so no buses.

He feels really miffed this person has been given a job, only way of getting to work is my dp, yet he wasn’t even asked first!

Any ideas how to handle the situation? We really don’t know how to handle it without upsetting the boss.

OP posts:
Highfivemum · 07/10/2022 09:58

it is nice to help out others but it should be your DH choice not someone to decide for him. If he doesn’t want to he needs to say something. Maybe that he goes to shops on way home or picks up DC.

MeowMeowPowerRangers · 07/10/2022 10:00

I would simply say to the boss "that's fine, but when I hand the van back when my cars fixed unfortunately I won't be able to do lifts." Nip it in the bud now.

tranquiltortoise · 07/10/2022 10:01

Megifer · 07/10/2022 09:05

"Ah sorry, i often need to go xyz straight after work so hed have to sort his own transport out anyway"

Or what I said in this very situation "well this will make me sound odd but its pretty much the only time I get to myself and listen to my audio books, sorry but hope he sorts something out!"

Yep. He should just tell the truth. Commute time is down time for him to decompress, which is important. It's his own time which he is not being paid for, so he has no obligation.

The other person shouldn't have been offered a job on the basis that a colleague would give a lift. Appalling management.

Horizons83 · 07/10/2022 10:01

Absolutely do not do it, even if they offer petrol money etc. It takes away your flexibility, no option to go somewhere else other than home after work etc. My husband had an identical request and got quite worried about it thinking he looked like a dick for saying no, but fundamentally did not want to be roped in to a long term commitment. It was fine, the employee found another solution. You can offer ad hoc lifts instead.

womaninatightspot · 07/10/2022 10:01

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 07/10/2022 09:29

Using the works van for 'home to workplace' journeys and back will definitely have a bik tax implication. Only if they are driving to their non usual workplace will it not.

Show quote history

Well as op said there would be a parking issue then my original idea of leaving at at the new guys stands he’d still save a bit on petrol and it’d save getting dirt in the car.

I always thought BIK were laxer for van users, maybe not any more?

cutthelawn · 07/10/2022 10:02

If you come to an arrangement about costs with the new person, then it'll save you money. I feel like this is a win

it's not just about the money though, it's because it's a commitment that stands in your way if you want to go elsewhere.

Oliverfunyuns · 07/10/2022 10:04

Nope. Don't be kind. 🙄🙃

The only way out of it is to talk to someone, at some point. He can speak to his boss now, or he can wait until the day or two before he gets his car back and tell the new colleague and/or the boss then. This won't magically resolve itself without him standing up for himself, unfortunately, but he's not unreasonable to resent having this responsibility foisted upon him without so much as a request.

Vegetablesupreme · 07/10/2022 10:06

Can the new bloke drive? If so, once car is ready he can drive the van to and from work.
If not, well it's not your dh's problem. The boss can use his own transport and time to ferry new bloke about. As others have said, invent reasons for needing to go elsewhere after work...supermarket, gym, early dinner date. Maybe even before work too....gym session, taking you somewhere etc. Your dh should not have had this sprung on him like this.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 07/10/2022 10:07

While he has work van, he can do that. Then once he doesn't need work van anymore, the new person can use it.

MissMarplesGoddaughter · 07/10/2022 10:08

Maybe the boss should be the chauffeur for his new member of staff?

rwalker · 07/10/2022 10:11

just tell him he doesn’t go straight home most days
shopping ,gym call in o. Friends on way home

JustKittenAround · 07/10/2022 10:11

Goldbar · 07/10/2022 09:45

Is there a gym nearby that your DP could go to or could he do your weekly food shop on the way home or meet you for dinner? If your DP isn't brave enough to confront this directly, delaying the other guy getting home by a couple of hours a night or being unavailable for lifts should sort the problem fairly quickly.

If your husband can’t address his very valid need to control his schedule outside of work (these mandatory pick ups and drop offs are infringing on his out of work time) then I agree with the above.

either make things tedious until it’s fixed or just lie and gave him say he’s got some sort of sick relative or whatever to tend to straight away after work or right before it.

it’s mad to make him a driver like this

DameHelena · 07/10/2022 10:12

Did he mean just while your DP is using the work van? That's fair enough, IMO. If he meant once your DP is back to his own car, then no.

Eatmycake3333 · 07/10/2022 10:12

My partner has a works van, he usually picks other employees up. Usually an apprentice. Fair enough part of his job, He has the works van. I don’t know how he’d feel about getting told he would have to give another employee a lift every day in his own car. I wouldn’t be happy if it was me. I’m sure my partner also gets travelling time, from when he leaves the house. So maybe that’s why he does it.

CoastalWave · 07/10/2022 10:12

Nip it in the bud now.

Say, ahh that's great no worries, I've obviously got the work van at the minute! What's he going to do though when I hand the van back?

If they say, oh well you're going to be bringing him =- just say, sorry I can't I generally have commitments straight after work.

100% sounds like they've given the guy the job on the basis of you getting him there.

My husband is in similar industry and actually him and a work mate share lifts. Works out great as we've halved our fuel. But no way would I be happy if he was simply giving someone else a lift for free. Why should you pay to get to work and other guy gets free lifts in daily?!

OM82 · 07/10/2022 10:16

Hotandbothereds · 07/10/2022 08:57

No buses whatsoever? How does anyone without cars get anywhere?

I know rural transport isn’t great but how would this person have got to work had your DP not lived close?

I’d not want to be tied to giving a lift every single day, what if he wants to nip somewhere on his way home?

Can this person use the work van?

Have you ever lived rurally? I'm in a small village with no bus, no local taxi (localish one was a family firm but owner died of COVID and they closed). 7 miles to closest place on a bus route - which has a bus every two hours to the next small city. This bus takes 90 minutes to do a 25 minute car drive.

And I'm less than an hour from Glasgow!

PlutoCritter · 07/10/2022 10:16

this is mental.

your DH needs to explain that he has no intention of continuing this beyond the goodwill he's shown during having a work van.

he needs to say no now, because it will be a bigger nightmare later.

he might as well rip the plaster off now.

What will happen in holidays? What will happen if your DP wants to go somewhere else after work? What if he needs to leave absolutely in time and the work colleague dawdles, both to or from work.

exactly.

he has had his free personal time and costs for work volunteered by his employer!

that's not their gift to give, unless they pay for his time and the van is permanently his - and his commute is DURING work hours.

if your DH has a half day, or a dentist appointment, or wants to nip to a shop.. he's basically got a limpet colleague that he'll need to work around, in his free time, for no extra money.

nuts.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 07/10/2022 10:17

I would only do it whilst i had the works van, and any days after that only if both were working on the same site, i wouldn't be going out of my way to give him a lift but if both at same place and heading to same area home then i would ask for 50% of petrol costs

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 07/10/2022 10:17

Rural buses - takes me 20 mins to drive into town but bus takes an hour because it goes all round the villages, and finishes at 6pm so not much good for either commuting or nights out. Everyone has a car or relies on someone who does. There are school buses and free help scheme for e.g hospital appointments but that's charitable. So basically you can't rely on public transport. I lived in a town with loads of buses, and there's no comparison. In the OP's case, the colleague needs to move, or learn to drive.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 10:18

Thank you all.

The gym/shopping/dinner ideas are great, but all those things and friends and family are in our town, so he would still have to drive past the new persons house at the same time unfortunately.

I think this person was offended the job, boss will have said something along the lines of, don’t worry I will get xxx to give you a lift, he goes past anyway.

I said to dp about dropping in conversation to new person about him getting his car back, and breezily ask how he will be getting in…. Dp thinks as he will have given a lift for 2-3 weeks, it will just be expected going forward.

He didn’t do it today as boss needed him on-site in the opposite direction earlier, so boss drove through to pick him up. That will have put a good chunk of time on bosses morning, he won’t be doing that everyday, especially when dp is going past.

I think boss was out of order to assume dp would do it, but it is newbys problem to sort. He is only young and seems nice, so then I feel bad for him!

What a mess!!

OP posts:
Sophieleigh26 · 07/10/2022 10:19

So what if he gets the work van? He needs to be paid for his time!!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/10/2022 10:22

Why can your DP not talk to his boss about this?

TheGoodFighter · 07/10/2022 10:23

I see the #bekind nutters are all over this already! As if you lot would drive someone to work and back every day of your life, without even be asked nicely.

His boss can't order him to be a taxi driver for a new hire. He has no obligation to do it, and there are all kinds of issues. What will the fella do when the DH has a sick day, or a holiday, or a late start? It's ridiculous, he needs to say no

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 10:24

The other thing I find a bit cheeky is, dp picks this person up and drops them to their front door.

They live on an estate, so dp has to drive into and around estate to do this. If I was newby I would stand and wait for pick up and get dropped at side of road!!

OP posts:
XmasElf10 · 07/10/2022 10:24

You say "I'm really sorry boss but my normal routine is to go to gym / shop / grandma's before work and have other commitments after work on a very frequent basis. If I know I'm going to be free I'll let colleague know and would be ok to give a lift but he shouldn't rely on my normally as I won't be available".

If boss queries this he can say he hasn't been doing such in work van so as not to add mileage unnecessarily but will be going back to normal once van is returned.

Your work colleagues commute is never your problem to solve!