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Original poster

Expected to give colleague a lift every day, not even asked first!

402 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 08:50

Hopefully you may have some advice on a tricky situation my dp has.

He currently has about a 20 minute commute to work.

His boss rang him the other day to let him know there was a new person starting work, as he lives close to us, dp should pick him up and drop him off every day going forward.

It is fair enough at the moment as dp’s car is in the garage, so work have been really kind and let him use the works van.

Dp doesn’t want to look like a dick and say he refuses to do the pick up/drop off, but he is really pissed off about it.

He doesn’t mind doing while he has the van, that is absolutely fair enough, but when he gets his car back he doesn’t want to get it messed up with dirty work clothes and boots in it (he always brushes himself down and changed boots before getting in).

He also really enjoys listening to music loudly, only time he does this is the commute.

This new person is nice enough, doesn’t drive. We live rurally so no buses.

He feels really miffed this person has been given a job, only way of getting to work is my dp, yet he wasn’t even asked first!

Any ideas how to handle the situation? We really don’t know how to handle it without upsetting the boss.

OP posts:
Moonatics · 07/10/2022 10:26

KosherDill · 07/10/2022 09:26

When your vehicle is returned, can the new employee use the works van?

Would be entirely illegal as new person cannot drive. It says so in the OP

Lovelyricepudding · 07/10/2022 10:28

If the boss is requiring him to do this then it is part if his job so should either be within work hours or paid overtime. This chaps house would therefore be the place he starts his employment so all fuel should be paid from there and back to there.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 07/10/2022 10:28

I have no idea on this but could this affect your DPs insurance?

BigglyBee · 07/10/2022 10:29

OP, I think my husband (now retired) used to do a similar sort of work to your DP. There was a central yard where everyone met up in the morning, and materials, plant etc was stored, and then jobs were assigned and everyone went off to their respective sites. So people could be in very different areas from one day to the next. When my husband was working, he would have been very irritated by having to return to the yard every day, when otherwise he would have been able to go straight home at least on some days. I understand your partner's concerns about his car- concrete dust is a proper bastard! (Long, long experience!).

If it is a similar setup, this is never going to work out without the new guy learning to drive (I'm assuming that any medical condition which prevents driving would also affect working at height, so seems less likely). Is the new person in a particularly sought after trade (plumber, for example, which might explain the boss being so keen to fix this problem for him)? I've known builders who don't drive, but they always took responsibility for their own transport (one cycled 10 miles to work and back, because we live in the Western Isles and buses are more theoretical than actual). One got a moped which he could drive on his provisional licence. One moved to a smaller and much less nice house which was in walking distance of the yard.

I think one way round it might be to insist that the new guy pays towards petrol (because the company isn't responsible for getting him to work, he is), and to say that the car leaves the yard at x time, no exceptions. If he isn't ready on time in the morning, or he is late getting back to the yard after work, then that's tough. I sympathise with the problems faced by non drivers (I was one until relatively late in life), but as long as other people let this problem be pushed onto them, there is no incentive for him to do anything to change his circumstances.

I understand that nobody (or almost nobody, my husband would have loved it) wants to be seen as awkward, but the alternative is to get a reputation as a pushover and to live with the resentment until it boils over.

Megifer · 07/10/2022 10:31

Ok so "I have to start going to xyx family members home some nights in opposite direction to check in on them, ill start that from November to give you time to sort something out "

Rentaroom33 · 07/10/2022 10:32

If I were your dp I would say that I could collect him and bring him to the yard but that getting home he would need to be on time or he won’t be able to bring him home as he is not waiting around…

Queenofalltheskyfairies · 07/10/2022 10:33

@DameHelena

Did he mean just while your DP is using the work van? That's fair enough, IMO. If he meant once your DP is back to his own car, then no.

I agree.

Your DH isn't responsible for others' transport arrangements.

And whatever you do don't allow your DH to be swayed by the 'paying petrol money' lark.
If you DH accepts money he is then 'using his car for hire or reward' and unless he has that covered on the insurance it could cause a load of problems in the event of an accident.

WeepingSomnambulist · 07/10/2022 10:33

"I cant. I have commitments after work with poorly relative and I dont go straight home. I'll for it for a couple weeks so he can sort himself out but after that, I'm needed by family."

In other words, just lie.

ShineOnYouLikeMorningStar · 07/10/2022 10:36

I don't have a car, never have. This is why I've only ever looked at jobs & housing with decent public transport nearby. It's people like this that give non drivers a bad name as they tar everyone else with the CF brush through their own lack of forward planning.

OP - your DH needs to speak to the boss. He should ask him what the plan is for when DH has an appointment, sick day, the car needs servicing, he's on holiday, etc. Not grabby, not unreasonable, just practical & highly likely to happen at some point.

SantaOnFanta · 07/10/2022 10:42

Just say no it doesn't work for me.

ICanHideButICantRun · 07/10/2022 10:45

I would really hate that. I wouldn't pick him up at his house - he's not a taxi driver. The guy should get to your house in the morning and be dropped off there at night.

Emotionalsupportviper · 07/10/2022 10:49

Hotandbothereds · 07/10/2022 08:57

No buses whatsoever? How does anyone without cars get anywhere?

I know rural transport isn’t great but how would this person have got to work had your DP not lived close?

I’d not want to be tied to giving a lift every single day, what if he wants to nip somewhere on his way home?

Can this person use the work van?

Absolutely!

What made him even apply for a job for which he needed transport he doesn't have?

What made the boss even offers him a job when he has no transport?

This is very cheeky.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 07/10/2022 10:49

CaronPoivre · 07/10/2022 08:51

Buy some seat covers, charge to expenses and be a bit kinder. Why would you not give a lift?

Rot. What if he values the time before the day's work and prefers to spend it alone? A favour is a favour, and should not be taken for granted just because someone's chosen to ask. As a one-off, when it's someone's first day in a new job, well fine. But I wouldn't expect someone else to be making any long-term arrangements on my behalf.

Unreasonable, OP. Your partner's boss, that is, not you.

Cathod · 07/10/2022 10:50

There are insurance implications and you could be charged with illegal taxi-ing or some malarkey if you accept petrol money.

TheGoodFighter · 07/10/2022 10:51

Cathod · 07/10/2022 10:50

There are insurance implications and you could be charged with illegal taxi-ing or some malarkey if you accept petrol money.

People don't half trot out some shit on here! No, you absolutely cannot be charged with illegal taxi-ing for taking petrol money for lifts.

SarahSissions · 07/10/2022 10:52

Tell them he can’t do it as he doesn’t pass that way on the way home as he travels in the other direction to visit a relative or go to the gym or something

Floydthebarber · 07/10/2022 10:52

If it is not out of his way then it would be a kind thing to.

However I don't drive (am learning now!) and would not take a job if I could not get to it. And what happens when your dp is on holiday, or sick, or needs to leave at a different time or his colleague needs to leave or start early? It's an unworkable arrangement even if your dp is happy to do it.

Noteverybodylives · 07/10/2022 10:53

I’m a very nice person and will often go out of my way to help someone.

But I would absolute hate this!

I need time by myself with my music on to prepare and deal with the day.

I’m actually classed as autistic and that alone time makes a massive difference to how I cope throughout the day.

I wouldn’t mind doing it every now and then as a favour but I’d have massive anxiety over it, not just because of the alone time but also about picking him up on time, what happens if I’m ill one day, what happens if I need to leave early to pick up my DC etc.
Having someone rely on me like that would cause extra stress.

Fleabagandthehotpriest · 07/10/2022 10:53

What happens if dp isn’t going the usual way home or coming from another place early in the morning? Is he expected to drop this person first?

QuitWhileAhead · 07/10/2022 10:53

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 10:24

The other thing I find a bit cheeky is, dp picks this person up and drops them to their front door.

They live on an estate, so dp has to drive into and around estate to do this. If I was newby I would stand and wait for pick up and get dropped at side of road!!

That's a silly thingy I be pissed off about - your husband simply needs to say. I'll drive by the end of the estate at whatever time if you are there I'll pick you up?

Same for the trip home- I'm leaving at XXX or I'll let you know when im leaving and if you are ready (and changed) I can give you a lift.

If the guy wants a lift he will be there

Dotjones · 07/10/2022 10:55

Moonatics · 07/10/2022 10:26

Would be entirely illegal as new person cannot drive. It says so in the OP

Show quote history

No, it says the new person doesn't drive, not that they can't.

I can drive legally but I don't because I can't afford to buy and run a car at the moment. If someone gave me a car or van I might be able to drive it.

cushioncovers · 07/10/2022 10:56

Your dp needs to speak to his boss or the new employee and explain that this isn't a convenient long term arrangement. There's no getting around it.

Cheerybigbottom · 07/10/2022 10:57

What a ridiculous situation, if your DP is on holiday or sick or has an appointment or whatever reason it's not going to work then this colleague isn't going either.

Absolutely out of order for the workplace to accept an employee who cannot get to this workplace. I say this as a non-driver who has chosen my career in an area of excellent public transport, because I rely on it.

Asparagoose · 07/10/2022 10:58

My DH was in that situation. He said no, sorry I can’t do lifts because I don’t go straight to work in the morning and I don’t go straight home after work. He lied and said he takes the kids to school in the morning and after work he either goes to football or picks the kids up and takes them to see their grandparents.

I don’t blame him for saying no, it’s an absolute pain and an imposition. He would have to stick to a rigid schedule to facilitate this other person and it’s not his problem.

Beamur · 07/10/2022 11:07

cushioncovers · 07/10/2022 10:56

Your dp needs to speak to his boss or the new employee and explain that this isn't a convenient long term arrangement. There's no getting around it.

This.
He's not a taxi service.
My friend has an excellent tactic. She has to make a regular journey to drop her DD off.in the morning. She has another family that she will drop off at the same spot. The deal is simple, if the kids are waiting by her car before she sets off, she'll give them a lift. There's no texting or arranging. She also doesn't wait.
No lifts home are on offer.
If your DH is feeling generous OP, he could offer a similar arrangement. Taking the lad to work is on the way - get him to wait in an easier spot if that suits. Say lifts home aren't convenient once he's back in his own car. Give the lad a few days notice to make other arrangements.