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Original poster

Expected to give colleague a lift every day, not even asked first!

402 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 08:50

Hopefully you may have some advice on a tricky situation my dp has.

He currently has about a 20 minute commute to work.

His boss rang him the other day to let him know there was a new person starting work, as he lives close to us, dp should pick him up and drop him off every day going forward.

It is fair enough at the moment as dp’s car is in the garage, so work have been really kind and let him use the works van.

Dp doesn’t want to look like a dick and say he refuses to do the pick up/drop off, but he is really pissed off about it.

He doesn’t mind doing while he has the van, that is absolutely fair enough, but when he gets his car back he doesn’t want to get it messed up with dirty work clothes and boots in it (he always brushes himself down and changed boots before getting in).

He also really enjoys listening to music loudly, only time he does this is the commute.

This new person is nice enough, doesn’t drive. We live rurally so no buses.

He feels really miffed this person has been given a job, only way of getting to work is my dp, yet he wasn’t even asked first!

Any ideas how to handle the situation? We really don’t know how to handle it without upsetting the boss.

OP posts:
CactusBlossom · 09/10/2022 06:24

Workinghardeveryday · 07/10/2022 10:18

Thank you all.

The gym/shopping/dinner ideas are great, but all those things and friends and family are in our town, so he would still have to drive past the new persons house at the same time unfortunately.

I think this person was offended the job, boss will have said something along the lines of, don’t worry I will get xxx to give you a lift, he goes past anyway.

I said to dp about dropping in conversation to new person about him getting his car back, and breezily ask how he will be getting in…. Dp thinks as he will have given a lift for 2-3 weeks, it will just be expected going forward.

He didn’t do it today as boss needed him on-site in the opposite direction earlier, so boss drove through to pick him up. That will have put a good chunk of time on bosses morning, he won’t be doing that everyday, especially when dp is going past.

I think boss was out of order to assume dp would do it, but it is newbys problem to sort. He is only young and seems nice, so then I feel bad for him!

What a mess!!

But DH is not going past every day if he had to go in the opposite direction… The lifts are only possible if they are going in the same direction.

I would suggest saying he can give the lifts while he has the work van, but will have to stop when he gets his car back as he will not be covered by insurance (i.e. he would effectively be running a taxi service unlicensed). The boss made the offer of a job, the boss can give the new guy a lift.

ScruffMuffin · 09/10/2022 06:58

Why on earth should the DP have to look for a new job? The BOSS needs to sort this, not him.

Kittysummer · 09/10/2022 08:05

Turn music down while driving, totally irresponsible to have it blaring, how you concentrate on driving and hear what is going on around you.

Hotandbothereds · 09/10/2022 08:11

Kittysummer · 09/10/2022 08:05

Turn music down while driving, totally irresponsible to have it blaring, how you concentrate on driving and hear what is going on around you.

Just because you can’t concentrate with music on doesn’t mean nobody else can 😂you’re totally missing the point here!

batshitballs · 09/10/2022 08:44

It's a non problem. Just get on with it

danmthatonestakentryanotheer · 09/10/2022 09:25

Kittysummer · 09/10/2022 08:05

Turn music down while driving, totally irresponsible to have it blaring, how you concentrate on driving and hear what is going on around you.

You don't need to hear what's going on around you, you just need to be aware. If hearing was a legal requirement for a driving licence I wouldn't have one, being profoundly deaf.

Redebs · 09/10/2022 09:41

Vehicle sharing is a good idea generally and I don't think "I like my music loud" is a good enough reason to not give someone a lift home.
Sounds like the company were good enough to let the guy use the company van when his car was in the garage; how much would it have cost him to hire a car to get to work for that time?
The problem is, that if they don't finish at the same time on a regular basis, then he's not going to want to be waiting around for the other guy. Only counts though, if it's actually past his clocking-off time, not in the case of finishing early and could have gone home early if he'd been on his own.
Best solution would be to keep the company van and split fuel costs between them, but only if it doesn't mean staying past finishing time.

HelplessSoul · 09/10/2022 09:53

BlackberryCat · 09/10/2022 01:58

I think the problem is that he was offered the job on condition of the lifts, so there is no way of getting out of this without pissing off the boss.

I think his options are to suck it up or to look for a new job. I can’t see the boss taking “Sorry that doesn’t work for me” as an answer.

Whilst in principle I fully agree, but whats gonna happen when the OP's DH is on annual leave?

Or is sick?

Or he gets another job and leaves the company?

Depends how brave the OP's DH is to simply say its not in his job description to give lifts and he simply wont be doing it. I'd even go so far as to say, that if the boss is that bothered by the lift issue, he should bloody well do it!

The responsibility of getting to work is down to the new person. No one else.

Maryminx · 09/10/2022 10:34

The boss had no right to assume your partner would give this chap a lift.
in the past I have been in this situation and it didn’t go well.
A person who can’t get to work on time shouldn’t have been given job.
I like my own time getting to work and back. I play loud music too!
I also feel the non driver is taking the piss, expecting a lift. Partner should have a word with the boss first then the new chap.
Its not your partner’s fault but I would not be happy, accepting petrol money, if offered would not make up for the burden.

sue20 · 09/10/2022 10:36

Toddlerteaplease · 07/10/2022 08:56

Would it really kill him to be kind? Just ask the new person to change boots and clothes. Or put a cover on the car.

In a busy world it’s an invasion of personal space. I wouldn’t want this. What if DH doesn’t like him?

that said it is a bad thing we drive around solo in our little boxes. Car sharing was promoted in the 90s on the basis of environmental impact.

On balance I would suck it up and forgo the loud music. Doesn’t sound like a long drive they could become best buddies!

work should have asked DH first that’s just stupid

NewMummyToB3 · 09/10/2022 10:40

I think people are being really judgmental on here saying he’s not ‘kind’. When your DH leaves work, he is not required to do anything further for the company that employs him. It’s totally unfair and disrespectful of his employer to expect him to pick-up and drop off a work colleague as though it’s his child on the school run. Sorry but the new employee needs to figure out his own commute and that has nothing to do with you. I’d make it clear to his employer he’s happy to do this while he has the company van, but when he has his car back, he won’t be able to do this anymore. My commute home is my time to be alone and relax before I get home. If I want to listen to music, have a chat with family, or just be silent then I should be able to do that… Sounds like your DH feels the same. Not in working hours, his personal car, his personal time! It’s not like your DH offered or was even asked. Put your foot down on this one 100%.

LadyApplejack · 09/10/2022 10:47

I'm as kind as they come and I wouldn't want to commit to being responsible for a colleague I don't even know twice a day every day until one of us left.

The non-driver applied for a job they couldn't get to, the boss hired a non-driver. How has this become OP's DH's problem, and why should it? Maybe the boss can be kind and offer to pay the new guy's cab costs!

carchi · 09/10/2022 11:22

How big is the company ? Because there are different regulations and considerations based on the size. Only asking because if this becomes a HR issue it's good to know where your DH stands.

Nbo · 09/10/2022 11:27

No stupidly I didn’t! Sometimes I’m too soft for my own good!

Nbo · 09/10/2022 11:28

Johnnysgirl · 08/10/2022 20:45

Did you not say anything when she stopped paying?!

Show quote history

No stupidly I didn’t! Sometimes I’m too soft for my own good

WeepingSomnambulist · 09/10/2022 11:39

BlackberryCat · 09/10/2022 01:58

I think the problem is that he was offered the job on condition of the lifts, so there is no way of getting out of this without pissing off the boss.

I think his options are to suck it up or to look for a new job. I can’t see the boss taking “Sorry that doesn’t work for me” as an answer.

The OP's husband was not given this job on condition of giving someone else a lift. That condition was not attached to his employment.

The boy was given this job and the boss told the boy that he'd get a lift to and from work, so the boss has to sort that out.

He cant tell OP's husband to do it. Unless he wants to make it part of his job and start paying him for the commute time then he has no say or control over how OP's husband manages his own commute.

He can refuse this without causing any problems for his own job, unless his boss is awful and then it would be constructive dismissal and a payout.

WeepingSomnambulist · 09/10/2022 11:42

carchi · 09/10/2022 11:22

How big is the company ? Because there are different regulations and considerations based on the size. Only asking because if this becomes a HR issue it's good to know where your DH stands.

Could you quote the legislation, for any sized company, which says that employers can dictate who their employees must collect and drive to work in thei own private vehicle during their unpaid, not contracted hours commute?

alwayscheery · 09/10/2022 11:57

Construction Industry has historically used mini buses or works transport to get workers on site .
If your DH is concerned He can stipulate where the employee waits for his lift and at what time and/ or asks him to walk to your house.
DH can drop his colleague off somewhere convenient , stating he needs to be home to take children to a club or take over at home.
Set boundaries, state if colleague is not ready on time DH will leave and colleague must make his own way home.
DH could insist on using works transport but sounds like you don't want it as you don't have a parking space

WeepingSomnambulist · 09/10/2022 12:07

alwayscheery · 09/10/2022 11:57

Construction Industry has historically used mini buses or works transport to get workers on site .
If your DH is concerned He can stipulate where the employee waits for his lift and at what time and/ or asks him to walk to your house.
DH can drop his colleague off somewhere convenient , stating he needs to be home to take children to a club or take over at home.
Set boundaries, state if colleague is not ready on time DH will leave and colleague must make his own way home.
DH could insist on using works transport but sounds like you don't want it as you don't have a parking space

That transport usually goes from the yard to the site. Employees have to get themselves to the yard.

If the boss wants to lay on a minibus for all staff from their homes to the yard then he can go ahead and do that, but that's nothing to do with OP's husband.

He doesn't need to stipulate where he will collect or drop the kid off because he doesn't need to do it full stop.

Dreadingmybirthday · 09/10/2022 12:42

This sounds nuts, sorry it's probably been mentioned before now but what happens when DP is day off or on holiday, is he then still obligated?

I like the idea of car sharing but in my job that wouldn't work as we all work differing staggered times each week, as much as I would quite like to share a link knowing my place are recruiting, it would be irresponsible to offer lifts to non-drivers, knowing how the shifts patterns wouldn't match.

gemma9239 · 09/10/2022 13:06

Samcro · 07/10/2022 09:24

would it kill the other person to be kind and sort out their own transport.

Show quote history

Exactly. I hate it when people can't take responsibility for themselves and expect everyone else to sort stuff out for them. There's ways to do it, it's OK to ask each other for lifts and to help each other out but there needs to be a firm plan for the future and this isn't sustainable. Its cheeky in my opinion, I wouldn't expect a friend to put themselves out to this degree for me let alone a stranger!

ellyeth · 09/10/2022 13:15

In my first job, a young man in the office gave me a lift to work - about 6 miles (I can't remember if I got a lift back as well). I lived in a village and there was a bus service but the buses were few and far between. The lift was offered and I voluntarily paid some money towards petrol costs - in appreciation and as a matter of courtesy.

Obviously, if, for any reason, it was not convenient to the driver, I got the bus or made other arrangements.

I think it would be a bit mean to refuse to give him a lift since they are both going the same way. However, it should be made clear that on occasions when it was inconvenient, the passenger would have to make other arrangements. Also, I think your husband should have been asked, rather than ordered.

askmenow · 09/10/2022 14:05

CaronPoivre · 07/10/2022 08:51

Buy some seat covers, charge to expenses and be a bit kinder. Why would you not give a lift?

Because it's presumptuous and the boss has no right to request it!
Assuming the commuting time is unpaid, the boss has NO call over an employees own time outside of their paid hours.
Unless the business is willing to fund the fuel, the extra time and any insurance cover for taking that extra person.
It's tantamount to bullying behaviour.

Thinking2022 · 09/10/2022 14:21

this is a really interesting issue. Apparently it is really hard to recruit anyone into new roles especially in rural areas so perhaps long term the company will not survive unless your DP is able to assist in the way he is being asked. Suggesting that as there are two of them he continues to borrow the work van whilst the new person needs lifts is a really good idea but if that does not work I dont know what to suggest. I think the boss asking for this must have done it only with the best of intentions so an open chat with him about his thoughts as to how this may work moving forward would be good

Johnnysgirl · 09/10/2022 14:42

But surely anyone living / looking for work in a rural area makes sure they can drive?

If ferrying this guy to work would impact on the long term survival of the company, they need a better strategy. Maybe the boss should let him live in his spare bedroom so he can act as his chauffeur?!

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