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Original poster

If you were at SAHM and the kids now go to school....

154 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 06/10/2022 21:06

What are you?

My youngest go to school January, and I'm just thinking when people do the "so what do you do?" question, can I reasonably say SAHM without looking like I'm taking the p given they'll be in school 9-3 five days a week?

Lady of leisure? Ha I wish
Student? I'm only studying part time so doesn't seem reasonable
Economically inactive? Well I like to SPEND it!!

So do I just say "nothing, sent the kids to school, don't have a job"

OP posts:
chopc · 09/10/2022 10:46

@TeenDivided

What are you?

My youngest go to school January, and I'm just thinking when people do the "so what do you do?" question, can I reasonably say SAHM without looking like I'm taking the p given they'll be in school 9-3 five days a week?

Lady of leisure? Ha I wish
Student? I'm only studying part time so doesn't seem reasonable
Economically inactive? Well I like to SPEND it!!

So do I just say "nothing, sent the kids to school, don't have a job"

That's not the impression I got from the OP but happy to agree to disagree

chopc · 09/10/2022 10:47

I mean it's obvious she is staying at home but not due to her parental duties

TeenDivided · 09/10/2022 10:51

@chopc I'm a SAHP.
When DD stops needing me to the extent she does then I'll be retired.

At the moment my DD's needs impact my life such that I can't plan much ahead and have to cancel things at short notice. When that stops I'll be retired.

I could say I'm a carer I suppose but I think SAHP is better in our specific situation.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Ithoughtthiswastherehearsal · 09/10/2022 11:01

I usually answer “housewife” or sometimes “I don’t work”. It amuses me that with the latter answer, half the people asking assume I’m terribly posh, and the other half assume I’m on the dole.

chopc · 09/10/2022 12:43

@TeenDivided I was just copying the OPs post 🙈 eg not asking anyone specifically

We moved countries and as I was getting settled and settling the kids, when I was asked the question I answered "unemployed".

Which one of my friends thought he should justify. However the reason I wasn't bothered about saying that was because I was confident of my choices

I wasn't strictly unemployed as I wasn't looking for work at that point ......

I think my point is if you are confident and happy about your choices, you shouldn't feel the need to justify it to someone else

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 09/10/2022 19:47

chopc · 09/10/2022 09:32

@SleepingStandingUp what I meant by housewife is because that was what was used to describe non working married women. However if you are telling me that you would be able to make the same choice if you didn't have someone else supporting your life financially - then hats off to you as it would be good to know how

No I meant he'd still do it without a wedding certificate because we're a family, we love each other and he's not an arsehole.

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 09/10/2022 19:48

chopc · 09/10/2022 10:47

I mean it's obvious she is staying at home but not due to her parental duties

Tbf I'd put that in the drip feed later on because I didn't overly think the reason I'd stayed home was important

OP posts:
Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 09/10/2022 19:50

Ithoughtthiswastherehearsal · 09/10/2022 11:01

I usually answer “housewife” or sometimes “I don’t work”. It amuses me that with the latter answer, half the people asking assume I’m terribly posh, and the other half assume I’m on the dole.

Yes it def depends who you're saying it to, and where. Here it would be assumed dole, we're a WC family in a WC town.

OP posts:
Weller123 · 19/01/2023 19:41

Historically women have come together and worked hard to give us all the choice to either go to work or to stay at home with our children. Reading this thread, it seems that some women want to use these hard earned choices to bring each other down. Possibly due to our own insecurities about the choice we made, because let’s be honest, either decision has come with an element of guilt and sacrifice. We need to come together and celebrate that we are free to make our own choices. The element of guilt and sacrifice is not felt so strongly, or at times not even understood by men. We need to recognise this and and support each other as women. No woman is less because when she gave birth she chose to stay at home, or because she chose to go back to work!

IneedanewTV · 19/01/2023 19:44

CloudPop · 06/10/2022 21:48

Yawn - here we go again

"I'm so lucky to be able to not work"
"I can't imagine being a housewife"

.... and on it goes, over and over again.

Yep.

HoneyDragon · 19/01/2023 19:49

I’m currently economically inactive, although I do work I don’t get paid. When the bank etc ask what my profession is I say “freelance freeloader”. Stops them trying to put house wife.

Thesonglastslonger · 19/01/2023 20:07

I say housewife. “Sahm” is too long to bother saying snyway.

My richer friends, if asked, smile and say condescendingly “Oh, I don’t work.”

chopc · 20/01/2023 06:49

How about "I am a lady of leisure?"

chopc · 20/01/2023 06:53

I forgot why you don't work ..... I think most people when they ask what do you do, means what do you do for work. So I guess you can start off with "I don't have a paid job" and take it from there

Whatifthegrassisblue · 20/01/2023 06:56

Before children I had a year off, and used to say I was a lady of leisure.
Otherwise SAHM and student.
Or an executive housewife like my aunt 🙃

2023bebetter · 20/01/2023 06:58

I was a sahm for several year's before each started school and it was so much easier I work part time now but I don't know how I would have even done that still without DH working from home since COVID.
We've been inundated with hospital appts for both DC for various things! On top you have general illness, theirs and ours and general life issues eg car suddenly breaks down etc.

He's covered me so many times! He couldn't have had he not worked from home and I cover him when he had meetings.

Being a sahm make's life so so much easier! It's a valid choice!
People who do it just need to be sure they are getting financial security still from partner's and are not putting themselves at financial risk

2023bebetter · 20/01/2023 07:02

My job is flexible as well and reasonably accommodating but there has been so much in recent years without DH I probably would have had to give it up.

Op there is nothing wrong with devoting yourself to young DC at all!
It's really sad that you /women that do it feel they have to explain themselves. It's the norm now to work after 9 month's.

Ember90 · 20/01/2023 07:02

Unemployed

RudsyFarmer · 20/01/2023 07:06

Just say ‘independently wealthy’. That’ll piss them off 😎

neverendinglauaundry · 20/01/2023 07:10

I did this for a few years and it was brilliant. I was around for all the cute primary school things, did a masters degree, had time after school most days to hang out in the park etc. In reality, there will be quite a few others at the school gate doing the same and they'll probably all go on about how busy they are (e.g. worried about your question of justifying their choice), but really it's noones business what you do! Also most people do not care. If asked I just used to say id been watching homes under the hammer all day to see the reaction 🤣
Here are some job titles for you:
Matriarch
Name, of house name, mother of dragons, wrangler of book bags
Student
Layabout
Drudge
Fun employed
Housewife
Fake small business on Etsy
Part of an mlm (if you want everyone to give you a wide birth)
Stay at home mum
Full time mum (to enrage those mners who have jobs)

Have fun!

glassesgalore · 20/01/2023 07:26

What is there to tie yourself in knots about? It's really not that complicated.
Unless your children are in boarding school or 18+ then you are a SAHM. Your children being at 'big school' for most of the day is irrelevant.

Housewife is whether you have children or not.

If you are studying part time then you are a student whether you mention part time or not is up to you. I hardly ever hear someone say I'm a part time doctor or nurse. They just say I'm a nurse or doctor.

glassesgalore · 20/01/2023 07:28

Sorry, I meant you can say housewife whether or not you have children regardless of age as long as you are married and not in paid employment.

Lady of leisure is such a wankerish term. That's if you have no child responsibilities ie no children or 18+ children and no responsibilities at all, house is taken care of, no elderly parents to look after, spend all day at leisure without a worry for money or doing chores. That's a very very rare lifestyle.

Shinyandnew1 · 20/01/2023 07:34

I don’t think I have ever heard anyone say the words stay at home mum out loud-only ever written down.

I’d say I have looked after the kids for a few years and now they’re all at school, in mostly a housewife, but also studying part time,

WimpoleHat · 20/01/2023 07:45

It's really not necessary to categorise yourself to satisfy anyone else.

This. 100%.

glassesgalore · 20/01/2023 07:55

I have said stay at home mum and have heard it. I'm in London.