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Original poster

If you were at SAHM and the kids now go to school....

154 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 06/10/2022 21:06

What are you?

My youngest go to school January, and I'm just thinking when people do the "so what do you do?" question, can I reasonably say SAHM without looking like I'm taking the p given they'll be in school 9-3 five days a week?

Lady of leisure? Ha I wish
Student? I'm only studying part time so doesn't seem reasonable
Economically inactive? Well I like to SPEND it!!

So do I just say "nothing, sent the kids to school, don't have a job"

OP posts:
TheRubyRedshoes · 07/10/2022 07:18

Op I work and my DC have had a spate of illness and appointments.
I can only manage because DH work is flexible and mine is fairly flexible.
Life would be much easier if one of us could be on call to do these extras.
I can only get on top of proper sorting out and deeper cleaning in holidays if we stay at home.

randomsabreuse · 07/10/2022 07:25

I'm looking at part time roles now, in a similar position to you, my youngest has his funded hours (Scotland so not work dependent) and I was like of course I'll get a job.

Very good job I didn't initially as there's no way I'd have kept it without a lot of flexibility as I've probably had 4 weeks in the last 2 terms where both kids have attended all their planned sessions due to illness and injuries. Schools are now being less careful about hand washing meaning the return of the vomiting bugs as well as colds!

BogRollBOGOF · 07/10/2022 07:29

Chanttotheprince · 06/10/2022 23:37

If mums who work full time out of the home are still mums while in the workplace, I'm no less of a mum when my children are at school

no, but there’s not a term for mums that work. Like there’s not one for Dads that work. Or people without kids that work. It’s just they work. You just don’t work. Your having a child doesn’t come into it.

It entirely comes into it in a world where there isn't childcare for a 12 year old child with additional needs, and the cleaning load is like that of a toddler, where he has to be brought home from school because it's taking a long time to train him up to travel independently. Where he just needs the quiet of his home to recover from school (and reminding to eat and drink).

My child is the entire reason why it became impractical to continue working and meet his needs.
He is entirely relevant.
I am not in paid employment because of the load of motherhood, in our circumstances. I didn't stop working just because I fancied it in a vacuum of other factors. I had found work viable through the nursery years, but it was the practicalities of school and wrap around care when that became untenable. I thought it might be a temporary issue that DS would mature out of, but his additional needs became more apparent with time.

SAHM is the simplest short-hand description of what I do. I'll sometimes refer to my old profession and add that I'm now a SAHM if that feels relevant to context. Sometimes I might refer to myself in terms of my voluntary roles or hobbies if they happen to be relevant.

Some job titles can be pretty suprious, but I don't go around correcting people about their "correct" job title. Economic renumeration isn't always a great indicator about the value of a job in society either.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Silverbirch2 · 07/10/2022 07:36

Unemployed, you don't have paid work at the moment. Not SAHM as children all in school. My friend is same position.

bellsbuss · 07/10/2022 07:38

I just say housewife if anyone asks me

sheepdogdelight · 07/10/2022 07:48

I think it depends what message you want to get across.
In your position I'd probably say something like "I'm studying round juggling the children".
My SIL is what I would call a SAHP but she describes herself as doing the job she only does for 2 hours a week, when asked.

ExplodingCarrots · 07/10/2022 07:51

I used to have tremendous guilt and feelings of shame when asked if I worked . I think I was afraid I'd be judged . Sounds silly .

I also study and volunteer so when asked 'are you working yet ? ' I just say im focussing on my degree and volunteer work .

CaptainMum · 07/10/2022 07:56

You're a housewife and PT student. Nothing at all to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Say it proudly with a smile and ask if they have weekend plans. You're not defined by a job or lack of. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy to introduce to the conversation?

Adeleskirts · 07/10/2022 07:58

I find these conversations weird. Everyone knows what a housewife is. About one in ten women are. It really doesn’t matter what you call yourself. It’s of no importance. Because anyone you speak to knows what you are, you stay home and do the chores and look after the kids. So call it sahm, student, housewife whatever. It makes no difference at all.

Doubledenimrocks · 07/10/2022 08:00

I went back to uni part-time when my smallest started nursery. From there I started working part-time in TA type jobs. Youngest is now 9 and I work FT in the Criminal Justice system. My job is quite flexible so I can work from home a couple of days per week. My DH is also now FT wfh which facilitates this. If it wasn't for this I would not be able to work outside of school hours.

MintyGreenDreams · 07/10/2022 08:02

Lunchtime supervisor in a primary.Its only £250 a month but it fits in well with my lifestyle and means I'm contributing to the family pot

Decafflatteplease · 07/10/2022 08:03

I'm a SAHM and carer for my disabled DC, even though they be are at school now there's so much to do behind the scenes, meetings, appointments, phonecalls, paperwork. And yes I use the day to sleep and go the gym etc.

MintyGreenDreams · 07/10/2022 08:03

Sorry I thought you were looking for jobs after being a sahm.Ignore.

Decafflatteplease · 07/10/2022 08:04

If it's just in passing though I'll say housewife to save a big explanation. Eg if someone in a shop says are you off work today I'll just say I'm a housewife

Nizanb · 07/10/2022 08:14

SAHM.

You're a mum and you stay at home.

Working mums are working mums, or working parent or working dad, whatever the set-up is.

pinkegg11 · 07/10/2022 08:18

Tell them you’re an heiress 😄

ShoeTheDoor · 07/10/2022 08:20

Long term SAHM here. If you say I don't work then people start telling you about jobs they have seen especially school ones like lunch time assistant. If you say SAHM then it implies you are not looking for work. You are not unemployed as that suggests not working but actively looking for and wanting work. It doesn't matter how many times you tell people you are not looking for work people seem to think you should be doing something. I don't want to tell some randoms from the playground that I have a disability and so can't work.

For you, SAHM covers it or tell them you are a student.

LivesinLondon2000 · 07/10/2022 08:22

Housekeeper? That’s a legitimate full time job that many people pay for.
The fact that many working parents have to shoehorn housekeeping into the spare hours around their other job doesn’t it make it less of a legitimate role

Spanielsarepainless · 07/10/2022 08:24

Domestic manager?

FamilyTreeBuilder · 07/10/2022 08:28

You don't have to say you "are" anything. I am similar to you, my kids are all teenagers and I haven't gone out to work since I was pregnant with my first 20 years ago!

I am simultaneously a SAHM, part-time MSc student, freelance worker, charity shop volunteer, archival volunteer. But no one of things is my eternity if you know what I mean.

Foxglovers · 07/10/2022 08:44

Taking a career break and studying?

Heysnuggee · 07/10/2022 08:47

SleepingStandingUp · 06/10/2022 22:38

I thought officially I had to want a job to be unemployed.

Show quote history

Why? It's just a descriptor rather than illustrating any sort of aspiration or whatever. I'd say you were unemployed and nothing wrong with that as long as it works for you and your family. People often attach emotion or whatever else unnecessarily to labels.

Emeraldgreenjewel · 07/10/2022 08:49

@SleepingStandingUp posters want you to say you are unemployed for the same reason the puritans wanted Hester Prynne to wear the scarlet letter. They want you to feel a sense of shame about not working.

I am sure you are too smart for that but for the avoidance of doubt, don’t. If I had twins I’d quit faster than you can say Fucking Twats.

CrystalCoco · 07/10/2022 08:50

PPs have suggested that when someone asks it's really just an opener for conversation, which I agree, however the judgement does seem to come if you say you don't work.

I spent a few years not working (before I retrained in another field) and I did find the 'what do you do' question awkward.

In your shoes I'd just say you were enjoying studying part-time now that the kids are at school - it's the conversation opener they're looking for as you can then talk about what you're studying and any future plans or more studies.

33goingon64 · 07/10/2022 08:55

I work part time which fills the hours the kids are at school. The rest of the time I'm ferrying them to clubs, cooking, doing laundry, life admin, etc. I consider my role to be as valuable as DH's full time office job. If you're studying you're a student. You're not nothing. Society programmes us to rate paid full time work (and with a family with young DC that's usually the man) above a week filled with part time work, study and domestic work. It's another way of telling women they're less valuable than men.