If you were at SAHM and the kids now go to school....

[SleepingStandingUp]

What are you?

My youngest go to school January, and I'm just thinking when people do the "so what do you do?" question, can I reasonably say SAHM without looking like I'm taking the p given they'll be in school 9-3 five days a week?

Lady of leisure? Ha I wish
Student? I'm only studying part time so doesn't seem reasonable
Economically inactive? Well I like to SPEND it!!

So do I just say "nothing, sent the kids to school, don't have a job"

I think it just feels odd after 7.5 years to think my primary purpose of the day isn't actual childcare

sure, so you’re not a SAHM you just don’t work. Pretty simple

So what do you do for work then?
I don't work

It just feels so glib...?? And as someone else said really its a, qn we ask to find out stuff about people. So is the important bit about me that I just don't have a paid job?

Housewife and part time student? You are looking after the house, meals, admin, you’re at home for when your children return and when they’re sick. You’re also studying. If you feel you still have some hours to fill you can do some voluntary work so then you’re a housewife, student and helping the most vulnerable in your neighbourhood.

I always associate the term ‘unemployed’ with those that are seeking work and claiming job seeking benefits. It also has a stigma to it. I don’t like it especially if you’re choosing not to work because you don’t need to, and are filling up your time with jobs that need doing despite being unpaid.

Just say you’re studying part time around the kids. Why complicate it. A SAHM is someone doing childcare all day surely.

My kids are in school so if I had to say I was anything im a housewife

You sound like someone for whom bitterness rankles.
Let it go.

Random people ask because someone's job often sparks an interesting line of conversation, not because they really care what you do all day.

Bearing that in mind I'd probably talk about my study in that situation, unless I suspected I was talking to a fellow SAHM. Or any of the normal conversation tricks of flipping it back on them/changing the subject if you don't have much to say.

And that's why I want to live there.

I've actually invented a fake working from home job to strangers/people I don't know very well because I'm embarrassed that my kids are at school and I don't work!!

I'm lucky? that I dont have to and can do everything while my husband works but I'm also embarrassed that I get to have all of this free time while there are Mums at school who are exhausted.

I never had a career just did admin work and now the thought of going back into an office genuinely scares me to death because I wouldn't have a clue.

I don't think @CloudPop was being bitter. I think they were pointing out that these kinds of posts never end well. Usually they end with both SAHPs and those who have to work out of the home feeling pretty shitty about what other people think of them.

OP- just keep it simple. "I'm back to studying at the moment" should suffice. When people who have a job answer this question they generally don't go into too much detail about how many hours they do, so why should you?

SAHM

I don't work primarily because of parenting responsibility. DS has some additional needs, but "carer" sounds a bit heavy for his level of needs.
I interpret "unemployed" as someone seeking employment which I am not in the immediate future.
I don't feel "economically inactive" either and nor does my bank account!

As my parenting responsibility changes, I may become avaliable to work again so "retired" is premature and I'm not quite at "lady of leisure" and there's not a local culture of that, certainly not "ladies what lunch".

I've worked FT, PT and SAHM. None of those options are right or wrong and in my family's circumstances, SAHM is best for our situation. I'm still a useful member of society. If mums who work full time out of the home are still mums while in the workplace, I'm no less of a mum when my children are at school. Just as well because they've had a rough term of absences that no employer would appreciate

If the truth sounds ‘glib’ i.e I don’t work, then what is something interesting you can say about yourself? Like ‘I don’t work but I have a great interest in.., I volunteer in…, my hobbies are…etc etc.

If you’re literally just pootling around the house all day then no amount of dressing that up will make you sound interesting so either own it or do something!

If mums who work full time out of the home are still mums while in the workplace, I'm no less of a mum when my children are at school

no, but there’s not a term for mums that work. Like there’s not one for Dads that work. Or people without kids that work. It’s just they work. You just don’t work. Your having a child doesn’t come into it.

Not sure what your really asking here, but you've got parents who work and those who don't.
Those who work dons for money and /or career and that's fine

Those SAHP have a different goal. It's ok to not have career aspirations and want to be a home maker and parent. It happens! Not everyone is blessed with the resources, time, education or want ... that's fine

I think if it were me I’d say I’m studying, or that I’m a housewife. That’s how my mother described herself so it has no negative connotations for me (despite always having worked outside the home).

It depends who I’m talking to. Feeling arsey and I usually say “Housewife” but I give no fucks really. Feeling less contentious and I say I work for myself.

I usually say I don't, I'm not a housewife and don't have a partner . I do get carers allowance but wouldn't say carer

Isn't it homemaker on the drop downs? Except my son is disabled so I'm more or carer / crisis manager. I'm looking full time for a SEN secondary for him while having a side hassle of mental break down.

I figure that there not point in going back to work right now if it results in him never being employed. I worked hard, made cash, that still supports me so feel no shame really.

If this country had better education for kids with SEN maybe I'd feel guilty, but it's a full time in it's own right

Genuinely; is this a personal identity crisis?
I ask, because I didn't really understand the question, until I tried to imagine the situation.

It's really not necessary to categorise yourself to satisfy anyone else.
You have no less value than anyone else.
I know you didn't ask that, but I think it's easy to apply value to specific roles. Then the judgement kicks in. In reality, it's a bit nonsensical.

People generally ask these questions just to start a conversation. You can steer it however you wish.

If you're happy, just tell them that you are happy.

The details are not the business of anyone else.

I would say you are a student I have also stayed home with my kids after my twins were born 8 years reasons being I have no family nearby to help moved far away to where my now husband lives and he works really long hours and weekends, his family also live a good bit away. I was childminding other kids along with my daughter before my twins came along then I could no longer do that so gave it up to stay home and look after them, my sister in law suggested I get a job and put the kids into childcare just because she's a teacher and did that with her kids which is fine her choice but it made me feel judged for my choices. I did I feel down about myself for not working and earning money but I wanted to raise my kids myself and it was and still is lonely and hard , when they got a bit older I started making selling handmade items on Etsy still do and now they are all in school I'm also studying to run a club teaching art to kids so if people ask I say that's what I am doing studying around my kids as I also collect them from school.

Why do you need to say anything?

If anyone asks, just say you don't work at present. The only time people would judge you is if it were a lifestyle choice and you were supported by benefits. If you're not working because your DH earns sufficiently well to support your family then I don't see that anyone would have an issue with that or even care.

I know loads of mums at church and from school in your position and I just think it's nice for them and their choice that suits their family. The only one who is a bit irritating is the one who does the whole flappy "I'm the busiest person in the world" thing with her hobbies/church groups/dog walks/ ferrying her kids to their sport clubs.

One of my friends doesn't work & dc are in school. She just said she doesn't work when we met & that was it, conversation moved on. What's wrong with saying that or saying you are studying?

MN is always snarky about SAHMS.

Personally I think it’s fine to say you’re a SAHM. School hours aren’t particularly easy to find, even if you work in a school. And you are studying so could add that.

up to you what you do but I am a mum and a single one and do all of that with a full time job. So stay at home all you want but don’t pretend it’s a job choice. In answer to the original question I would say ‘I don’t work’. Being a mum hasn’t got much to do with it has it?

Women supporting women. Tis a beautiful thing to behold...

I work part time. For three days a week I do not have to think about breakfast, lunch or dinner - or snacks beyond giving my DS a banana after nursery. I don’t have to stress about naps, entertainment, get the motivation to do something crafty …

I absolutely adore my DS and how days off together but it’s not like I’m doing all the above and working as well, if you work, you pay someone to do that.

The OP has twins. It probably wouldn’t have been very cost effective to have gone back to work. It would cost me £1200 to have two in nursery and I earn £1600 a month. Then with an older one needed wraparound care that remaining £400 has vanished. I don’t mind working for a small profit but I’m not working for a loss and I wouldn’t tell any man or woman to.