Terrible gifts for a middle aged, or older, woman.

[Aixellency]

Can we make a list?

I’ll start: (This is adult to adult gifts - no judgment regarding presents from children!)

Afternoon tea. Just - why? Not that I don’t like cake and afternoon G&T - but this suggestion is always wheeled out as such a treat, as if one is suddenly too old to get dressed up for a night out.

Mug with a single ‘posh’ teabag. In fact, anything someone else thinks I’ll consider posh - I’m middle aged, I’ve done posh.

Anything at all from Etsy or Not on The High Street. Anything craft-y or home made, unless specifically requested.

Anything ‘safe’ or ‘nice’.

(Please, just stick to Islay single malt, Hermes nail polish, and newly published volumes of art, cookery, fiction or poetry. Thank you.)

Why did I not know about these?
Just what I need.
Going on my Christmas list.

I always take tea bags to friends houses.

Oven gloves

Scented candles. I HATE them. And I don't do naked flames in my house anyway so that's a no.

Anything wool. I don't care how fine that cashmere is, it'll make me itch. Always has, always will. Yes, even merino, or angora. Stop tying to giftsplain my own skin to me!

No really a gift, but a friend died a while ago and her husband was clearing her things and gave me her unused thankfully Tena pads.

I’m with you OP. I have a preference for tan leather accessories and gadgets so I don’t even make it on the gifts for women lists of any age.

The afternoon tea one always puzzles me - I love afternoon tea but it’s been imo a pretty expensive treat (<€70 pp) and presumably you have to give a voucher for two people at least or you’re passing on an extra cost for them to invite someone along. Is it much cheaper in the UK? And if so, is it actually as fancy as it sounds on MN?

@TeenDivided expensive gag gift😆. Get a mint tin - eat mints, wash tin and be able to carry at least 6 T bags. After all, who goes for just one drink with friends???!

I keep asking for gift vouchers for a garden centre 🤷🏼‍♀️ and no one listens

Spa days instead I hate them!
But it could be worse one year I was given an iron

Thank you for articulating something that I hadn’t quite put my finger on.

I love WhatsApp because now wider family and friends simply exchange birthday wishes and I vastly prefer that to receiving gifts.

It’s lovely to be thought of, but that’s plenty for me.

I just had to google 'mint tin'. Yes, one of those would do even better. It has to be able to fit into a trouser pocket. Thank you

Candles are probably safe. as are chocolates or food gifts.

I wouldn't care for afternoon tea as I don't drink tea, except herbal. The last two afternoon teas I've been to weren't great either - it's usually a few sandwiches, a few petit fours and a scone. Too much bread based food in one sitting for me.

No gin or presecco themed gifts, or anything with slogans.

No present given to a woman in her forties that makes it clear you’ve lumped her into a category of “middle aged and older” is going to be that well-received, I’d think.

As others have said, it just goes to show there is no "generic middle aged woman" (or older woman).

From your list, the only thing I would want is the afternoon tea.

I'd look at you like if you bought me anything from your wishlist.

I like afternoon tea but don’t really like getting vouchers for it, would rather have someone book it and take me!
I don’t like the t & c’s that can come with vouchers and have ended up with them going out of date in the past.

No cookbooks thanks, If I want to try new recipes I can Google. No to any kind of ornaments, candles, spa days, massages, beauty treatments or vouchers, handbags, craft shit, skin care (apart from nice hand cream), and yes to meals out, (including afternoon tea) weekends away, chocolates and books (fiction).

worst present ever oven glove in an ugly aboriginal print....
Bath bubbles - I only have a shower
chocolates or an entire box of brownies I have type 2 diabetes
funny 'cat' things I used to have cat

I spend a lot of time shoving things into a bag for the charity shop.

I would go for tea to the Willow Tea Room in Glasgow but too ill to travel. Nobody thinks of a book token or a yarn token.

Anything remotely resembling a scarf or pashmina.
Gloves.
Scented candles, wax melts, whatever.
Vases.
Gardening gloves.
Dainty ornaments or other random trinkets.
Books pertaining to a hobby unless a specific title has been requested.
Bird table.
Twee jigsaw puzzles.

Anything at all from Etsy or Not on The High Street

That's a really weird statement. Plenty of very nice things in both websites. I make solid 14ct gold jewellery and sell on Etsy. It's not all tat.

I don't drink but I still get a lot of wine each year. It's too much to finish it by serving it so it's a bit of a waste really.

I do like some notothehighstreet and etsy stuff. Garden plants are also always welcome. I'm happiest when I don't get too much "stuff". I like space in my house and detest hoarding.

I just like cold hard cash, thank you.

Just like a coeliac won’t appreciate shortbread and probably not an afternoon tea (see both in earlier posts), someone who is vegetarian or vegan won’t want things containing silk.

Yes, some silk isn’t made by boiling up the cocoons with live silkworms still in them, but much is and generally the label sewn in a gift won’t specify which. No cosy silk vests for grandma, please.

I agree with the posters above who think that the best gift is probably time, either time spent together or used to make something for me. Jam, jewellery, gloves, whatever. Cards, perfect.

This older lady would like:
Gin
Earrings ( etsy is great)
Gardening stuff
Books
More gin
Ethical or green products
Theatre tickets

I would much rather receive a very small version of something really lovely than a great big packet of something shit.

Exactly this - I dont care if someone only spends a tenner or whatever if it's thoughtful or something I wouldn't usually buy myself.

It feels a bit wrong and against the spirit of gift-giving but unless something is really personal it's just more 'stuff' to take up room in my life and at nearly 50 - the definition of middle-aged surely - I cba with it any more.

This thread is a gift in itself!

(Including the weird people pretending I think I speak for everyone … )

Really pleased that at least one person has said it’s useful.

I don't want stuff, I like things that don't need to be stored or kept so flowers. tickets for cinema or theatre, audible credits, all things I will love and enjoy but will leave no trace afterwards. People who know me well get these things, I'm happy to regift any chocolates and booze I receive though.

I was given an afternoon tea voucher for Xmas before covid hit.
I put it away and completely forgot about it. I came across it a couple of weeks ago and it's expired ☹️