Terrible gifts for a middle aged, or older, woman.

[Aixellency]

Can we make a list?

I’ll start: (This is adult to adult gifts - no judgment regarding presents from children!)

Afternoon tea. Just - why? Not that I don’t like cake and afternoon G&T - but this suggestion is always wheeled out as such a treat, as if one is suddenly too old to get dressed up for a night out.

Mug with a single ‘posh’ teabag. In fact, anything someone else thinks I’ll consider posh - I’m middle aged, I’ve done posh.

Anything at all from Etsy or Not on The High Street. Anything craft-y or home made, unless specifically requested.

Anything ‘safe’ or ‘nice’.

(Please, just stick to Islay single malt, Hermes nail polish, and newly published volumes of art, cookery, fiction or poetry. Thank you.)

A packet of Tena pads. Might come in useful, but...

Can confirm - very useful to act as giant throwaway sponges for boat bilges and that kicked over can of oil/paint when stumbling around in the garage in the dark because the lightbulb has blown.
admittedly very rare scenarios .. 😂

I find receiving gifts stressful as I can’t help thinking what a pointless waste of money it is. With the exception of the occasional genius idea from my husband, almost everything I get is either not nearly as nice (in my taste) as if I’d chosen it myself or completely unwanted, sitting guiltily in a drawer for a year before sending it to a charity shop. I find it really difficult to think of things to ask for - just give me money if you have to so I can buy what I like.
So not only do I hate receiving presents, I also can’t help assuming that the presents I buy for other people are likewise unappreciated. Just feels like a giant consumerist con.

That's why my family and I do wish lists. We write a list of what we want and the others buy from it. Simple! No thinking of what to get and you get what you actually want and use.

Not RTFT, but here's a list of things I don't wish to receive:
Toiletries (hand cream/body lotion/bubble bath etc. Gift vouchers for Boots or somewhere would be great)
Scented Candles
A pen
Wash bag
Towels
Clothing (esp not in the wrong size)
The latest booker prize winner book
Cookery book (unless requested)
Picture frame
Photo album
Family organiser diary or calendar
A handbag, wallet or purse
An ornament
Cheese with bits in
Scarf & gloves (unless Hermes or something)
Anything home cooked
Glasses, cocktails set, fondue set
Kitchen things (apron, mug, teapot, gadget... unless specifically requested)
Flowers (as the gift)
Anthying big that someone has gone to a lot of trouble to make (e.g handmade quilt or hand knitted throw)
A voucher for afternoon tea or spa treatments
Anything that shows that the giver has not put the tiniest bit of thought into
A diet book
Anything regifted that's a few years old and can't be returned

No candles, lavender products or silk scarves, thank you very much!

Any ‘stuff’ of the type that’s going to need dusting.

Any clothes or jewellery that I haven’t chosen myself.
Ditto kitchen equipment.

Most toiletries. I have loads to use up already.
Probably many things I can’t think of at the moment.

I love rose and violet cream chocs too!

In winter, a bottle of Amontillado sherry goes down well, too.

(Please, just stick to Islay single malt, Hermes nail polish, and newly published volumes of art, cookery, fiction or poetry. Thank you.)

I'm in your described demographic and would not want any of this save for the fiction book. I think presents might need to be more individualised than you are acknowledging. I'd love an afternoon tea voucher!

What would you like to receive? 😆

I hate getting scarves . I don’t wear scarves but I get given them a lot . They all go to the charity shop . It makes me a little sad that my friends don’t know me better

I'm not middle aged, but I would never buy my mum warm slippers or shower gel/lotion etc. set. I'm not that fond of skincare as a gift too.

I am 50 and have been for afternoon tea twice. I certainly would not like it as a gift, However, are we all so bloody well spoiled that we would not appreaicate the good intention?

I think back to when I was in my 20's, first mortgage and broke. And if someone had bought me a voucher for afternoon tea, I probably would have been delighted. Different people, different tastes, different financial situations.

I hate all that crappy cheap tat that has your name on it. Like a personalised gin glass set. But I like gin. I love candles but I hate cheap vanilla candles.
The best present i ever ever received as a middle aged woman was a voucher to the most beautiful spa in Dublin from my very very good friend who know me so well. We spent the day at it and then she paid for me to have my hair washed and blowdried afterwards. We then went for dinner and lots of wine. That was probably my favourite present ever.

No perfume please.

For me:

Terrible gift - pretty much everything. I don't want a gift! Honestly. If I do want something I will just buy exactly what I want when I want it. Yes, please to being remembered - wish me happy birthday etc but more importantly let's spend some time together (on the assumption we actually like each other). I don't want to have to say thank you for a gift that is actually just hassle (taking it down charity shop etc) and then obligation to reciprocate.

Ok, if you must: flowers, wine/gin, chocolate.

The message I have taken away from this thread, is that most of us don't really want anything.
It seems that the things people are saying they would be happy with are just that: 'If you must buy me something, I'd prefer something like (whatever) but I could do without it'.

We give our adult children cash in this family, unless there is something they particularly want and have asked for, then we'll either buy it or give money towards it if it's expensive.

Best present ever was a friend buying me a big bag of groceries when I was skint. I try to pay it forward when I can.

I do think that gift giving as a cultural expectation is just consumerism gone wrong.

me too, i love an afternoon tea.
@Aixellency why do you assume every middle age woman has the same taste as you. Never understood this type of post on MN, just seems so selfcentred and lacking in imagination.

I do think that gift giving as a cultural expectation is just consumerism gone wrong.
Very true.

This isn't really at all middle aged women, is it I mean we all have different tastes as individuals!
I've only read the first page and already things I love like candles and afternoon tea and glittery shit are being mentioned 😭🤣
Send them all my way lol

Yankee Candles always get such a reaction on MN. I got given one a week ago, and I’m really enjoying the smell of it wafting through the house! 😂

Cuddly toys
Anything with cats on - I love cats, I’ve got one, I don’t need icons or effigies
CHEAP anything. Buy me a small quantity of ruinously expensive chocolate or toiletries
Ornaments that don’t do anything but gather dust
Signage for the home with witticisms on. I’ll have a drink when I like, I don’t need to be told it’s Wine O’clock

Things I do like:
expensive toiletries: think Fragonard, Ortigia, Penhaligon’s
handmade chocolates
plants and flowers
Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee

My lovely aunt always sends me £30 in an envelope for my birthday (even though I'm now in my 50s) and I always think it's one of my best presents because she's saying "here you go, treat yourself" and I enjoy doing so because there's zero guilt in spending it.

What? I think of it more like a guide. It's quite obvious that not everyone is going to like the same things.

I hate scented candles and perfumey stuff in general. But most of my nearest and dearest know this. Plus we have a kamikaze cat who would burnt the house down if there were lit candles on any surface!

Photo frames with "our familee ❤️" or "live laugh love" type slogans on them are going straight to the charity shop.

I never wear silk scarves. I think you're either a born scarf-wearer or not. My SIL rocks her scarf collection but on me I look like I'm in fancy dress...

I actually like an afternoon tea, as long as it's somewhere nice and not too pretentious.
Garden Centre gift cards and Amazon gift cards always welcome.
My DSis has amazing taste for finding perfect unique gifts e.g. jewellery, art items which I love and would never have found for myself. She's never bought me a present I didn't love. I love homemade gifts too.
Obviously anything donated with love by my DDs will always be praised even if it's not quite to my taste!

As a child i gave my menopausal mother Chinese worry balls as a gift 🤣🤣🤣 nearly 30 years later she is still deeply offended 🙈🙈

Well I'm well and truly middle-aged (53) and love afternoon tea.

Hate whiskey and nail varnish and have no interest in poetry.

Mad isn't it how us middle aged women don't all like the same things...