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Original poster

I can't get hold of my elderly dad

155 replies

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 07:27

I live 4 hours away from my dad. He is 85 and lives alone. He is very fit and healthy for his age, and I don't have any health worries about him.

However, I have not been able to get hold of him for 2 days. We usually check in with each other every day, and I have called him loads of times, with no answer. My siblings haven't heard from him either. Unfortunately I don't know his neighbours so can't call anyone to go look.

I have to work today and tomorrow, and it is not something I can throw a sickie at easily. Of course, if I have not heard from him by the end of the day I am going up there.

Any suggestions? I am worried he has had a fall down the stairs or been in an accident.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 25/09/2022 09:57

Oh @EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe I really hope your Father is OK.
My elderly neighbour {92} absolutely refused to let anyone except her equally elderly friends down the road have a key to her house, not even her carer that called twice a week.

She was relatively fit and well {as a 92 yr old could be} and her daughter arranged for her to have one of those ''Alarms'' to wear around her neck on a cord.

Neighbour did fall, and lay there for nearly two days, the 'Alarm' had twisted around where neighbour couldn't reach it.

Had neighbour called out, I'd have heard her.

But she didn't. :(

I really hope your dad is ok, it's such a worry when vulnerable people are not contactable.

Hopefully he had just lost his phone?

Get police to do a check now, though, as if your Dad has fallen, he will need help.

CasaDelSoot · 25/09/2022 09:58

So glad to hear he's ok.
It's such a worry when they're not nearby.

CherryGenoa · 25/09/2022 10:01

Great, what a relief!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dementia & alzheimer's
oakleaffy · 25/09/2022 10:03

@ARoyalSubject Thank Goodness he's ok!
I remember with my elderly neighbour once, her daughter phoned me to say ''Mum isn't answering her phone, can you check on her?''
I was in town and rushed back asap, to find that that neighbour had fallen asleep in the garden and left her phone indoors.

A huge relief, but the fear and anxiety if that journey back was not something I'll forget in a hurry, and it wasn't even my relation.

Your dad really should let you know if he's going to go AWOL ..Just so you don't worry.

Neighbour's numbers are crucial in situations like these.

MrJi · 25/09/2022 10:03

I had to ask the police to check on an elderly relative. She was fine, and a bit cross at being woken up by the police, but the police were great.
My Mum was unable to move after a fall and luckily a neighbour called us as Mum hadn’t taken in something on her doorstep all day and wasn’t answering her doorbell or phone. She had broke her hip and was very unwell when found but thanks to her neighbour she lived a few more years after that.
I hope your Dad is ok OP, the police should be able to get there before you.

MossGrowsFat · 25/09/2022 10:03

BEAM123 · 25/09/2022 09:54

It's a Sunday, the vicar is probably tied up...

Show quote history

snort

MrJi · 25/09/2022 10:04

Sorry I missed you update post somehow . Great news OP.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 25/09/2022 10:05

Glad he's OK, OP.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 25/09/2022 10:05

Most local authorities offer a Telecare type service

wheredidIleavemystyle · 25/09/2022 10:06

I will be sorting out a better support network

This is a great idea. My gran seemed fit and healthy, was fiercely independent and lived alone, about 4 hours away.

When we'd not heard from her for a couple of days we tried not to worry and kept trying to phone.

She'd had a stroke and was lying on the floor unable to move. She bore 2 or 3 cold nights on the floor before she managed to alert someone who knocked on the door. She later died in hospital.

Please, please don't delay to check on your loved ones if they don't answer.

Stopsnowing · 25/09/2022 10:07

Phew!

Original poster
EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 10:12

may this be the scare you need to sort things better

Yes, and I am going to talk to my siblings about implementing some things so we know if there is a problem.

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 25/09/2022 10:13

CoastalWave · 25/09/2022 09:51

Is this a joke?

You don't know any of the neighbours your own father has? And you have to go into work tomorrow?

Jesus. I despair.

I'm not even his daughter, and I would sack my work off to go and find out if he lived nearby.

But he isn't nearby, he's 4 hours away.

OP I am glad he is okay. Perhaps you can persuade him to get an emergency button. Mum is 83 and has one.

Freddiefan · 25/09/2022 10:14

I’m pleased all is well.

our neighbour who is well into his 80s fell into a bush in his garden and couldn’t get out. He called out but nobody heard him. I tried to persuade him to keep his mobile in his pocket with our numbers in but no, there is a piece of paper next to his landline with our numbers.

We have his key so could easily help and call his family if necessary.

EmmaH2022 · 25/09/2022 10:14

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 10:12

may this be the scare you need to sort things better

Yes, and I am going to talk to my siblings about implementing some things so we know if there is a problem.

Cross post
def do this. I thought maybe they were NC or something. But if they can help, ask them.

Trumpton · 25/09/2022 10:17

When mil was living alone we installed cameras. One in the sunroom and one in the living room. Even if she was out of sight we could hear her pootling around.
They ran off her broadband and were a great comfort to us before she needed more care. We did, of course, tell her and left notices for her carer who came in a couple of times a week.
We didn’t find the care alarm particularly useful as it was very clunky but it was another level of care.
Also a key safe on the outer door.
So pleased to hear your update.

diddl · 25/09/2022 10:20

Glad he's Ok Op.

If your brothers are closer they should surely go before calling police?

Why do you think they would do nothing when you need to work?

Alonglongway · 25/09/2022 10:28

so glad he's ok.

We used telecare with my parents. Not cameras but motion detectors dotted around and a smart plug on the kettle that raised an alarm on family members' phones if the kettle had not been used by a certain time. That worked really well and alerted us to mum getting sick. Also at a period when she was on her own I could keep an eye and call her and say good morning when I saw she'd used the kettle. That all helped to keep things going.

JuliaDorneys · 25/09/2022 10:31

OP pleased he is safe.

As a family you need a care plan in place.

Telecare is a good start but it needs the names and contact details of two people who live within 15 minutes as a key holder, or a key safe on the wall. This can be neighbours or family or friends.

If you have two or more brothers, then between all of you, come up with a plan as to who will visit your dad firs, if you are worried for him.

You also need to try if possible to create a relationship with his neighbours so they can at least maybe look through his windows if they see things like curtains closed all day, no sign of him out and about, etc.

My mum is much older than your dad and an equal distance from me.
I have a sibling close at hand , but they work full time. My mum has telecare, and she has at least 3 neighbours who keep an eye on her and would call her if they notice anything worrying.

Trinidading3 · 25/09/2022 10:36

I would google the local shops and phone them explain the situation is and I am sure someone can pop by for you , otherwise send an Uber to check or the local church .... otherwise just go and before you leave make sure you have direct neighbours contact details for future good luck I am sure he is in ok ...local hospital community people can check also ...but truely the police will go straight around buzz them that's what you pay your taxes for......

JuliaDorneys · 25/09/2022 10:39

@Trinidading3 OP has updated today- he's safe and well.

InThatCaseCanIHaveARaise · 25/09/2022 10:47

Regardless of whether it’s you or your brothers dropping everything this was a family emergency and work is secondary. Thankfully he’s fine and it’s good you’re getting something in place hopefully involving your brothers too. None of you wouldn’t be pleased that you prioritised going to work if when you got there, he’d had a fall and had spent two days on the kitchen floor in pain.

Fleetheart · 25/09/2022 11:11

glad he’s ok
🙂

Azandme · 25/09/2022 11:19

Whatdayisittodayhelp · 25/09/2022 09:51

i pray your father is fine but this isn’t a job for police to go and check on your father as you and your other siblings live so far away..people complain when they don’t turn up for real crimes and this is why.

Welfare checks are literally part of their remit. Opinion is not fact.

Halli2020 · 25/09/2022 11:22

Yes OP you should leave work as soon as possible to see your dad, call the police as they will do a welfare check ASAP for you.
Something similar happened to my nan, she had a chargeable land-line phone, no mobile and had left the phone off charge so the battery died. She was absolutely fine. Scaremongering on this thread is going to stress the OP out even more please bare this in mind. She is trying her best here.