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Original poster

I can't get hold of my elderly dad

155 replies

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 07:27

I live 4 hours away from my dad. He is 85 and lives alone. He is very fit and healthy for his age, and I don't have any health worries about him.

However, I have not been able to get hold of him for 2 days. We usually check in with each other every day, and I have called him loads of times, with no answer. My siblings haven't heard from him either. Unfortunately I don't know his neighbours so can't call anyone to go look.

I have to work today and tomorrow, and it is not something I can throw a sickie at easily. Of course, if I have not heard from him by the end of the day I am going up there.

Any suggestions? I am worried he has had a fall down the stairs or been in an accident.

OP posts:
Threadkillacilla · 25/09/2022 08:11

Just call for a welfare check, if your brother's haven't been arsed to go themselves they aren't much use.
Hope it's just a phone on silent and not an emergency.

gamechangling · 25/09/2022 08:16

Police & or also start driving there -

This happened in our family and sadly they were not well when found by police.

Hope all is ok.

Flowers
Ihatecocomelon · 25/09/2022 08:16

Welfare check by police. Hope your dad is well x

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cookiecreammmpie · 25/09/2022 08:18

I think you definitely should phone the police. Hope everything is OK.

Airymanning · 25/09/2022 08:19

What is your manager like? Maybe explain x

BuzzyBusyBee · 25/09/2022 08:22

Definitely police welfare check - that is what the system is in place for

TimeForMeToF1y · 25/09/2022 08:24

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 07:40

Thx.

I am going to go to work in a minute and try calling him again. If I can't get through I will call the 101 number.

If and when I find him I am going to get the numbers of those around him. Also, moving forward my DH said to put an iTile on his key ring and perhaps something in his house that detects lack of motion.

I do have siblings, but they are men, and unfortunately I am going to have to deal with this myself.

I'm not ready to lose my dad, as well as my mum 😢

Also get one of the alarms he can wear round his neck in case of any kind of emergency

YoSofi · 25/09/2022 08:24

Ring the police.

I hope your dad is ok x

TidyDancer · 25/09/2022 08:27

This is definitely one for a welfare check.

Fingers crossed everything is okay.

gogohmm · 25/09/2022 08:28

Just a thought, if it's a landline, check for outtages, you can do it online

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 25/09/2022 08:29

It's horrible for you that you can't rely on your brothers to help. I hope your dad is okay and it's something as simple as a misplaced phone.

WimbyAce · 25/09/2022 08:35

If you have not heard from him for 2 days I would not be leaving it any longer. Wishing you all the best xx

Daisycrown · 25/09/2022 08:42

I really wouldn't have sat on this to be honest after 1 day I would have called the police to request a welfare check. I would also have informed work of the situation and taken emergency leave, no need for sickies, he's technically a dependent.

ARoyalSubject · 25/09/2022 08:42

Is there no one at all - family, friends, neighbours - in his town who you could call and ask to go round?
If not, you will have to phone the police on 101.
But in future, you urgently need to get a support network in place where he lives, a couple of people with a spare key who you can call on in an emergency.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 25/09/2022 08:44

does he have friends?
assuming all is ok, no news is good news, ask him for any contact details of friends/neighbours since he lives so far away
and get your brothers on side

Noteverybodylives · 25/09/2022 08:45

I’d ring for a welfare check asap and if there’s still no update then I’d drive down straight after work and ring in sick tomorrow.

SnoopyNoseTits · 25/09/2022 08:49

Hopefully everything is ok with your dad.

we used to love next door to an elderly gent who lived far away from his family. His son had my number, and they gave us a call if they suspected anything was wrong. Does your dad have a friendly neighbour who you could have their number for future contact?

Stopsnowing · 25/09/2022 08:49

This sounds like an emergency for which work should allow you to have unpaid leave. Don’t do something you might regret. Maybe ask a local cab company to go pick him up and bring to you?

Emus · 25/09/2022 08:52

Could your DH drive and check on him whilst you are at work?

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 25/09/2022 08:52

Where abouts is he? If he is anywhere near SE london, I am happy to jump on a train or bus and go check on him?

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 25/09/2022 08:53

Whatever the outcome (and I hope it’s something very simple) maybe time for him to get a falls alarm (careline) or an alexa if he balks at that and has broadband; also a keysafe. Fingers crossed for you.

StopStartStop · 25/09/2022 08:53

Don't leave it a minute longer.
Last year my then89-year old dad fell in the night, and couldn't get himself up. Was there till morning.
In the last few weeks he's been ill, probably a stomach bug, but could not walk with it,
a small illness now can have a devastating effect.

BlueRidge · 25/09/2022 08:56

I really hope you get reassuring news from him soon.
Assuming you do, perhaps this can prompt a conversation with your dad and brothers about the way forward. 85 is (probably past) the age where you need back-up plans because his health and living situation is going to deteriorate from now.
How often are you realistically able to visit to check out how he's coping? My brother used to drop in every month or two and go out for lunch with my dad and report that he was fine. Of course he was- he was psyched up for a social event and put effort in. My brother didn't see what my sister and I were seeing daily (sis)/ weekends (me) that he was so exhausted and frail that he couldn't lift his legs into bed at night and was getting confused and stressed at simple everyday tasks. We were lucky in that my sister was very local and did masses to help and support on a daily basis but we still relied heavily on paid care to help with personal care/cleaning/gardening/meal provision.

Please do let us know how he is, when you find out.

BirmaBrite · 25/09/2022 08:58

Another check you could make is with the local hospital, if he has had an accident outside the home, he might be there.

Second the police welfare check, they would be happy to do this given the circumstances.

Keeping my fingers crossed you find him, safe and well Flowers

TwoBlondes · 25/09/2022 09:00

Police did a welfare check for me within a couple of hours of calling when vulnerable exDH went missing and post was stacked up on the doorstep. They tracked him down to hospital but could only tell me they knew where he was and that he was alive.

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