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Original poster

I can't get hold of my elderly dad

155 replies

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 07:27

I live 4 hours away from my dad. He is 85 and lives alone. He is very fit and healthy for his age, and I don't have any health worries about him.

However, I have not been able to get hold of him for 2 days. We usually check in with each other every day, and I have called him loads of times, with no answer. My siblings haven't heard from him either. Unfortunately I don't know his neighbours so can't call anyone to go look.

I have to work today and tomorrow, and it is not something I can throw a sickie at easily. Of course, if I have not heard from him by the end of the day I am going up there.

Any suggestions? I am worried he has had a fall down the stairs or been in an accident.

OP posts:
Bemyclementine · 25/09/2022 09:04

I hope the police go out promptly OP, best wishes fir your dad.

Yankydoodledandy · 25/09/2022 09:06

My dad fell outside going to the dustbin.
Was on the grown from 10am until 9pm.

Lives on own. Rang himat 6pm for a chat and no answer kept ringing him.
Got in car and drove over found him.

He now has a red button bracelet, it contacts to a call centre and they are amazin if hurt the call an ambulance etc. Even works outside. Costs £2.50 per week.

Hope your Dad's ok xxx

Quartz2208 · 25/09/2022 09:07

Yes you need to get them to do a welfare check and straight away

And if it is ok sort out a plan and an alarm for such circumstances

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OnaBegonia · 25/09/2022 09:08

I do have siblings, but they are men, and unfortunately I am going to have to deal with this myself.
Can none of these men use a phone or drive? They could be pro active whilst you get to work.

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 25/09/2022 09:08

I would definitely be asking for a welfare check if this was out of character for my father and I was unable to check myself.

FinallyHere · 25/09/2022 09:10

Lots of technology solutions

When DM was still alive she had an alarm round her neck but never seemed to be wearing it any time she fell

Nowadays, it's be tempted to put an 'Alexa' type speaker in the key rooms and get them used to using the drop in function across speakers in your household and theirs.

Etinoxaurus · 25/09/2022 09:10

Welfare check now
Going forward and for other posters with vulnerable relatives (living alone, age)
Set up a daily check in, have neighbour’s phone number, and someone local to them have keys.
Flowers I hope he’s ok @EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe

Unescorted · 25/09/2022 09:10

If it is a small community/ area where everyone knows each other you could put an ask onto the local Facebook page for someone to knock on. We get quite a few requests on ours because we are in an area people retire to while they are still active so have a lot of elderly people without family close by. The best way is to put a general ask without his full address, just his name.... You don't want to flag to everyone in the world that he is vulnerable and exactly where he is.

Long term your brothers need to step up and put a plan in place that works for all of you. It is unreasonable to rely on other people to keep checking on your family each time he doesn't answer the phone.

DirectionToPerfection · 25/09/2022 09:13

Please OP call the local police to get a welfare check now!

Work is not your priority right now. If you go in, explain what's happened and make sure you keep your phone on you.

SuperSange · 25/09/2022 09:14

Yankydoodledandy · 25/09/2022 09:06

My dad fell outside going to the dustbin.
Was on the grown from 10am until 9pm.

Lives on own. Rang himat 6pm for a chat and no answer kept ringing him.
Got in car and drove over found him.

He now has a red button bracelet, it contacts to a call centre and they are amazin if hurt the call an ambulance etc. Even works outside. Costs £2.50 per week.

Hope your Dad's ok xxx

@Yankydoodledandy Could I please ask which company you use for it? We're looking for similar for my FIL. X

Frazzled2207 · 25/09/2022 09:16

Hi OP this is a good reason to ask for leave from your employer. Hope all is well.

DoYouRememberDiedreBarlow · 25/09/2022 09:20

Agree tell work and try and go.

FindingMeno · 25/09/2022 09:23

Phone for a welfare check and also go.
A decent employer will understand and care.
I hope all is well.

daisychain01 · 25/09/2022 09:24

Writing off your father's other children because they're men is shocking. Have you given them any information about your concerns or sense of urgency so they have the opportunity to get involved and pay their father a visit? I'd do that, they should be on the hook just as much as you are.

JuliaDorneys · 25/09/2022 09:24

I hope he's okay OP.

But, for the future, you need to:

1 Get him sorted with an emergency alarm he can use (the sort you wear on your wrist- such as Telecare.) This will alert the care team. He will get a keypad fitted outside the house so emergency services can let themselves in.

2 Make contact with his neighbours, give them your phone nos, and also maybe- if you trust them- give them a key?

Waterfallgirl · 25/09/2022 09:25

I am a way from my dad who is a similar age, it’s worrying.
We don’t know your work OP but this is a situation where anyone with any humanity would allow their employee emergency leave surely?

Hope all is well with your dad.

DirectionToPerfection · 25/09/2022 09:25

While it's perfectly reasonable for OP to take leave and go, she's four hours away so it's still really important to get that welfare check.

OP if something has happened, you don't want your dad being left in pain for hours on end. Do call the police ASAP.

Mopitgood · 25/09/2022 09:26

Is there a local Facebook page for your dad's area? You could post on there and see if there's anyone who lives close to him who could knock the door?

CaptainSamCarter · 25/09/2022 09:26

Hope he is OK OP.

Adult Social Services can help arrange a call pendant system.

JuliaDorneys · 25/09/2022 09:26

I do have siblings, but they are men, and unfortunately I am going to have to deal with this myself.

Sorry but when did men have an excuse not to care for their elderly parents?

You are being mad to allow this to continue.

How far away are your brothers?

CALL THEM

Pava22 · 25/09/2022 09:27

Stuff work I would either explain or pull a sickie and would be round to check on my dad. You are worried he has had a fall but waiting. So he could potentially have fallen and been in that position for 2 days. With no access to food, water or the toilet. Also because your siblings are men is a poor excuse. Call them too. And get an sos bracelet, necklace for him.

These things boggle my mind sometimes. You are worried. What are you waiting for?

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 25/09/2022 09:27

Oh OP that’s very worrying, I hope there’s a good outcome. Fingers crossed the police will get round there asap x

CasaDelSoot · 25/09/2022 09:27

@SuperSange the community alarm is often through the local council. You pay a small amount weekly towards the monitoring.
Contact your FIL's council and ask them

RampantIvy · 25/09/2022 09:28

Sorry but when did men have an excuse not to care for their elderly parents?

DH did more for his mum when she was ailing than his sister ever did. She lived 11 miles away from her and we lived 150 miles away.

Debsdonein · 25/09/2022 09:28

Work or your dads welfare??

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