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Original poster

I can't get hold of my elderly dad

155 replies

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 07:27

I live 4 hours away from my dad. He is 85 and lives alone. He is very fit and healthy for his age, and I don't have any health worries about him.

However, I have not been able to get hold of him for 2 days. We usually check in with each other every day, and I have called him loads of times, with no answer. My siblings haven't heard from him either. Unfortunately I don't know his neighbours so can't call anyone to go look.

I have to work today and tomorrow, and it is not something I can throw a sickie at easily. Of course, if I have not heard from him by the end of the day I am going up there.

Any suggestions? I am worried he has had a fall down the stairs or been in an accident.

OP posts:
Yankydoodledandy · 25/09/2022 09:29

@SuperSange most councils offer this service through a 3rd party.
Look on yr local council website under adult social care, there maybe info there or google .... red button telecare and yr town.

My dad's alarm is also linked to smoke alarms. Its so good, he's used iy alot and gives us peace of mind

Sswhinesthebest · 25/09/2022 09:30

I’d say this is classed as an emergency.

needsomepeace321 · 25/09/2022 09:30

I have to work today and tomorrow, and it is not something I can throw a sickie at easily. Of course, if I have not heard from him by the end of the day I am going up there.

Any suggestions? I am worried he has had a fall down the stairs or been in an accident.

If he has had a fall or an accident, he needs help now. This cannot wait until this evening, he could be in a really bad way by then. Call the police now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dementia & alzheimer's
GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 25/09/2022 09:30

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 07:40

Thx.

I am going to go to work in a minute and try calling him again. If I can't get through I will call the 101 number.

If and when I find him I am going to get the numbers of those around him. Also, moving forward my DH said to put an iTile on his key ring and perhaps something in his house that detects lack of motion.

I do have siblings, but they are men, and unfortunately I am going to have to deal with this myself.

I'm not ready to lose my dad, as well as my mum 😢

I'm sorry you're having to go through this worry.
Why does your siblings being men excuse them from helping/ supporting/ caring for your Dad?
I don't understand this expectation that men can't help. It's just the same as misogyny being excused as boys' talk. Men don't have to be shitty, and women and the rest of society should stop allowing it.
I hope you get in touch with your Dad soon.

Azandme · 25/09/2022 09:32

Definition welfare check, I hope he's ok OP.

As for those people here who are just posting judgy comments with no support, this isn't the time, nor is it AIBU. The op is scared - if you haven't got anything helpful or kind to say, say nothing. It doesn't help, it just hurts. What sort of a person are you, if you would post just to hurt someone already scared?

JuliaDorneys · 25/09/2022 09:33

It's all very well telling the OP to drive for 4 hours BUT how far away are her brothers?

Are they closer?

OP stop being so silly over not wanting to involve your brothers. Get on the phone to them, as well.

CherryGenoa · 25/09/2022 09:36

Oh gosh, definitely request a welfare check and if any closer siblings can check up on him, that’s great. But you may need to skip work today. Fingers crossed for you.

QualityStreetsmallertin2 · 25/09/2022 09:41

You are allowed time off work for emergencies related to your dependants, this means immediate family & includes parents, siblings, children, husband, wife, partner
It may be unpaid

The info is on www.gov.uk

Good luck

ThatWasThat · 25/09/2022 09:45

Call the local vicar. It doesn’t matter if you’re a church goer or not

MackenCheese · 25/09/2022 09:45

What QualityStreet said!

QualityStreetsmallertin2 · 25/09/2022 09:46

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

SuperSange · 25/09/2022 09:46

Thank you both; it's such a worry. OP, have you called 101 or your brothers yet?

MojoJojo71 · 25/09/2022 09:48

I do have siblings, but they are men, and unfortunately I am going to have to deal with this myself

You do realise this is ridiculous? Get one of your brothers to go round and check. Can’t believe they’d rather you send the police round than bother their arses to check themselves. Don’t enable this sexist nonsense!

dawngreen · 25/09/2022 09:50

I don't understand the brothers/men cannot help thing. And I would go there because family comes first.

Whatdayisittodayhelp · 25/09/2022 09:51

i pray your father is fine but this isn’t a job for police to go and check on your father as you and your other siblings live so far away..people complain when they don’t turn up for real crimes and this is why.

CoastalWave · 25/09/2022 09:51

Is this a joke?

You don't know any of the neighbours your own father has? And you have to go into work tomorrow?

Jesus. I despair.

I'm not even his daughter, and I would sack my work off to go and find out if he lived nearby.

Original poster
EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 09:53

Apologies for sexist remarks made in response to lack of sibling sense of emergency.

He has now answered his phone and he’s ok. He’s just been out for the last few days and busy.

I will be sorting out a better support network.

OP posts:
DirectionToPerfection · 25/09/2022 09:53

Whatdayisittodayhelp · 25/09/2022 09:51

i pray your father is fine but this isn’t a job for police to go and check on your father as you and your other siblings live so far away..people complain when they don’t turn up for real crimes and this is why.

That's actually quite dangerous advice.

Police absolutely can and regularly do conduct welfare checks in these kinds of situations. Why on earth do you think this type of work is not valuable? It's lifesaving.

BEAM123 · 25/09/2022 09:54

ThatWasThat · 25/09/2022 09:45

Call the local vicar. It doesn’t matter if you’re a church goer or not

It's a Sunday, the vicar is probably tied up...

MrsLargeEmbodied · 25/09/2022 09:54

oh good to hear
may this be the scare you need to sort things better

DirectionToPerfection · 25/09/2022 09:55

EveryLeafSpeaksBlissToMe · 25/09/2022 09:53

Apologies for sexist remarks made in response to lack of sibling sense of emergency.

He has now answered his phone and he’s ok. He’s just been out for the last few days and busy.

I will be sorting out a better support network.

That's great news, what a relief.

Yes, definitely get the numbers of his neighbours and friends at least.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 25/09/2022 09:55

my dm is only half an hour away however she is 87 and i do get concerned when she doesnt contact me as usual.

Chipsriceandgravy · 25/09/2022 09:56

Hope he is ok OP.

The thought of your poor Dad possibly lying hurt while you go to work is awful.

Bluebluey · 25/09/2022 09:56

Hope your dad is OK. We have a camera in my elderly mum's lounge just to do a quick check. It was useful yesterday as her phone was out of order and ringing out. A quick check on the camera and I could see she was OK and reported to BT. You can also speak over the camera so she knew what I was doing.

Etinoxaurus · 25/09/2022 09:56

Yay!!