Think I regret doing CPR.

[RegretfulFirstAider]

I wasn't sure whether to post this, in case it puts people off from doing CPR, when it can be a life saving thing to do.

Earlier this year our elderly neighbour came round to ask with help lifting her dh who had fallen. I went round to help. He was unresponsive, grey and not breathing. I phoned for an ambulance and they talked me through doing CPR. It was very traumatic.

Miraculously he survived and came out of hospital. But he wasn't the same afterwards, though he was struggling with falls beforehand. I think he wished I hadn't done CPR as he told me how awful life was afterwards.

Since then he had a huge and very rapid decline decline and has now gone into a carehome, no longer recognising people or where he is. His life is terrible and it is awful for his family to both witness and manage. I suspect he suffered brain damage as a result of what happened.

I feel so very very, guilty. I feel as though by resuscitating him, I turned his remaining life into hell. I know I couldn't have foreseen the future, but it doesn't feel as though it was a kind thing to do.

Last year my mum was resuscitated whilst in hospital, after she came home she was never the same again either, barely eating, falls and frequent hospital admissions. I often wonder if it would have been kinder that the hospital had not resuscitated her because for her the last 14 months were purely existing not living.

Whatever the outcome as sad as it is, his death wasn't a decision for you to make..

This.
I can imagine it being very difficult doing CPR on a stranger-Where one has to have physical contact with their mouth in such a close way-
Professionals I think have a device, rather than having to physically blow air into a person’s lungs with one’s own breath.
Doing such a thing on a “ Resuscitation Annie” is bound to be very different to doing it on a real human.

You made a decision at a point of crisis, and tried to save this man. You did it in his best interests at the time. If he was going to die, then he would have died there and then regardless of your intervention. I am sure you know the CPR positive outcomes are low, even in qualified hands, and these are lower in the elderly. You did a remarkable job and you should be proud of yourself. The fact this man has now declined probably started before your intervention. After all, you mention falls and other aspects of decline pre-dating the cardiac event. Dying is a slow process for some people. The outcomes of CPR are uncertain. If you did nothing upon discovery of the man, you would have felt bad about that too and wondered if events could have turned out differently.

OP you did what most people would do, in an emergency situation your instinct was to try to save a life. Could you have stood by and done nothing? And if you had, and he had passed away, I would imagine you would be feeling much worse than you are now. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I completely understand. My sister is a support worker and refused to do cpr on a man she found who died infront of her when she called 999. He'd told her many, many times he didn't want to live anymore. He was very lonely and had a very sad life. Even though she knew his wishes she still wonders if she should of so had you not of done it I think you'd still be wondering what if. Its such a hard situation you were put in and in that moment obviously you didn't know how things would turn out and just wanted to help.

You can only base decisions based on the information you had. He needed help and you were brave and stepped up and you saved his life. You should feel proud you did all you could - you couldn’t have foreseen the outcome and I’m sure his family are very grateful for your efforts regardless of the end result

OP I agree with the others- you did the best you could and made a good decision at the time.

Imagine the same scanario but you decided to do nothing and your neighbour died- you may carry a burden of guilt there too.
You are not responsible for the long term outcome.

You did a very courageous and kind thing.

I would also suggest counselling to help you move past this.

You did the right thing- an amazing thing.
In hospital he might have had a DNR notice given his age and condition, but as members of the public we can't go round playing god with strangers.

@PlasticsFantastic @MedPara It does make me feel better that you both found it hard too, even with a good outcome. Thank you for sharing that. It's not just me being some sort of wimp then. At the time, I just got on with it. I've done first aid training a few times and it kicked in automatically. It's always after an emergency that I fall apart.

I absolutely and totally believe that the call handler did exactly as they were supposed to do, without hesitation. It's their job and it must be a very hard part of it.

I will seek counselling, you are all right that I should do. Time hasn't healed it and I think while I see his wife suffer, there's probably no chance of that. I've hugged her a few times recently as she's cried about the state of her dh while talking to me about him.

Gosh, typing that paragraph out was a bit of a revelation. It's no wonder I'm finding it tough, if I'm trying to comfort her while inwardly wondering if I'm the partly the cause. Definitely need to sort that one out with some counselling.

You did not have a choice. Even with the benefit of hindsight, at that juncture in time, you would have been damned if you do and damned if you don't. I don't know if it easier to frame it as something that was out of your hands anyway.

My heart goes out to you, OP. You did absolutely the right thing, a heroic thing really. That his life has rapidly deteriorated could not have been known and even if it had been known, the correct action still would have been CPR.

Please be kind to yourself

I don't know whether this will help, OP, but in case it does, an I hope you take my post in the way I'm intending it.

My dad died in December. He had a cardiac arrest outside hospital, was resuscitated with a defibrillator, but died a week later because his heart was not strong enough to withstand the operation he needed to save his life. He died peacefully after having eventually slipped into unconsciousness after a week of increasing confusion and pain. The only good thing that came from his resuscitation was that the rest of my family and I were able to see him and be with him as he was dying. That was the thing I kept telling myself and everyone else - at least he was not alone.

Although I have often wondered whether, from his point of view, it would have been better to have died when his heart stopped outside hospital, I also am still so grateful to the people who did everything they could to help give him a chance of survival. How were they to know how things would turn out for him. They made the humane choice, the only moral choice in that moment, and so did you. You did the right thing and I'm sorry you're struggling but you could not have done anything else. x

You are amazing.
You were also in an impossible situation- when that adrenaline kicks in and the paramedics are talking you through CPR, it would be so difficult to refuse, and as others have said you'd be asking yourself what if.

If he was DNR his Mrs would have let you know this.
You did what you could, it helped at the time & nothing that has come after is your fault.
Life has a way of throwing curve balls at us & good deeds don’t always have happy completely endings.

Do what you can to support your neighbour & remind yourself that although what they are living through now is not nice they could have buried their family member & not have him around at all.
You literally weren’t to know this would be the outcome of your help & it is not your fault.

It sounds like your in between a rock and hard place.
You weren’t to know the outcome, but also
if you didn’t attempt to resuscitate then you’d have felt helpless.
My dm was DNR as she had far too many health conditions and if they’d have to resuscitate then she’d have had no quality of life after.
Maybe seek some counselling about how you feel.

Agree with the other posters. I was nursing 40 plus years,on so many cardiac arrests, only one man survived,and that was a hospital situation, we were legally required,and would be expected to do so,if the situation arose anywhere else. Rescue breathing was stopped many years ago,it was only recommend in babies, children,or close relatives. Only one really upset me,a person younger than me,who suddenly arrested. At the end of the day,a none breathing,pulseless person is dead,and will stay dead if you do nothing. Councilling is so difficult to come by these days, maybe a chaplain,(I'm not religious, live very close to a suicide spot, they're lovely) Samaritan office, even a phone chat. Be kind to yourself,we were trained to do what we did. It's physically exhausting. I cried my eyes out over this guy,but he was very unwell,lots of unknown underlying health issues.

You had no choice OP. Had to been reluctant the ambulance service would have kept asking you to do it. You did a good thing.

You gave the absolute best help you could when it was needed. You gave him the very best possibility of recovery. That was all you could do.

You did the right thing OP.

The retrospectoscope is a useless instrument. Looking back in time and changing selected decisions and imagining how things would be different is natural and we all do it. But the thing is, you don’t get to choose the outcomes- just like you didn’t get to choose the outcome of what actually did happen, you have no idea of knowing the outcome if you’d made different decisions. You can imagine what they would be and your brain is choosing more desirable results, but there are so many other possibilities that you haven’t imagined. It may have been better or worse or the same, you just don’t know.

I really feel for you OP. CPR is pretty brutal at the best of times to be honest. You did your best with the information you had at the time, you were brave and you were kind.

You did the best you could at the time. Imagine if you didn't do it and they died on the spot.. then you'd feel really bad. Don't beat yourself up, I know it may seem hard right now though.

I think that if over a hundred people are telling me that I had no choice and that I couldn't have known what would have happened, had I done things differently then I should probably take that as I had no choice.

Thank you so much, I think until I started the thread I hadn't really aknowledged to myself how hard I was finding it and how harsh I was being on myself. Also that it's ok to find it hard. I really value everyone's kind words and wisdom.

You had no option at the time. What were you going to do when the ambulance service told you to try CPR? You could hardly refuse. No action is ever taken with the benefit of hindsight unfortunately. Be kind to yourself you did absolutely the right thing.

I do want to reassure people, that although you learn rescue breaths in first aid, the call handler only asked me to do chest compressions. I'm not sure if that's a post covid thing, but that aspect is at least easier.

What else could you have done OP? Turn on your heel, walk out the door and leave a little old lady with her dying husband.

You did what you had to do. At the very least you answered an old lady's call for help and showed her that you cared enough to help.

That's a great reassurance in todays society