Think I regret doing CPR.

[RegretfulFirstAider]

I wasn't sure whether to post this, in case it puts people off from doing CPR, when it can be a life saving thing to do.

Earlier this year our elderly neighbour came round to ask with help lifting her dh who had fallen. I went round to help. He was unresponsive, grey and not breathing. I phoned for an ambulance and they talked me through doing CPR. It was very traumatic.

Miraculously he survived and came out of hospital. But he wasn't the same afterwards, though he was struggling with falls beforehand. I think he wished I hadn't done CPR as he told me how awful life was afterwards.

Since then he had a huge and very rapid decline decline and has now gone into a carehome, no longer recognising people or where he is. His life is terrible and it is awful for his family to both witness and manage. I suspect he suffered brain damage as a result of what happened.

I feel so very very, guilty. I feel as though by resuscitating him, I turned his remaining life into hell. I know I couldn't have foreseen the future, but it doesn't feel as though it was a kind thing to do.

I think you did a wonderful thing op. Be proud of yourself, at least you have him a chance xx

You have also bought the family time to get affairs in order and to say goodbye, which they wouldn’t have had without your actions

I think this is the key thing - I've been a first aider for years but never had to do CPR. I did my renewal course last week and someone on the course had had to it - the person died 3 days later, so they didn't make it. But those three days gave their family time to say goodbye and start to come to terms with the fact the person wasn't going to make it.

CPR is brutal and people should really consider very carefully if they want it. My mum has had a DNR stuck on her fridge for years, although that wouldn't help if she was away from home.

You've received good advice here and I won't add anything by repeating it. But I will say this: I have watched two resuscitation attempts. I was ready to step in and help but the ambulance crews arrived before I was needed. Both attempts were successful, yet they stayed in my mind for a long time afterwards. Even now, a few years from both incidents, I can very easily put myself back in that place to relive how I felt at the time.

Given this, it's really not a big leap to say that counselling would benefit someone who actually performed CPR. Please do look into this if you can.

Aw bless you, you were doing what we have been told to do all our lives. You are actually a hero. I can imagine how this may weigh on you, but it's not your fault. You couldn't predict how it was going to turn out. Keep your chin up as you saved a life, and not many people can say that.

That’s literally their job. The call takers follow a script and are not clinicians. They are used to dealing with panicking people over the phone so develop a firm tone designed to give clear direction and get through to panicking people. You do not have to do anything you don’t want to do, though you do need to understand what the possible consequences are.

What else could you have done? You did not have a crystal ball. You could not wake him up and ask his wishes. You did the only possible thing.

Please do not feel bad about this. It will not help him. The laws of nature did this to him, not you.

@RegretfulFirstAider

Just to add. During lockdown I resuscitated my neighbour, performing CPR, who survived and is doing well now. Even though I have carried out resuscitation on literally hundreds of people in a professional capacity, I was significantly affected by doing it on my neighbour, to the point where I was still going over it in my head repeatedly six months later. I had counselling to help me work through it and that, and time, really helped. I would definitely urge you to look into that as an option.

If someone doesn’t want to be resuscitated they really need a DNR. Thankfully my dad had one as when he died I was told to start CPR, but he had been dying of a lung disease and wanted to go. A family friends brother was dying of cancer and had no DNR and they had to resuscitate him, only for him him to die again 2 days later. They are necessary in certain situations.

OP you have nothing to feel guilty about, you couldn’t have said no I am not doing CPR

OP, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You gave this man a chance. Please don't beat yourself up.

I’m a GP but was the first time ever this summer I had to do out-of-hospital CPR and it was quite traumatic, even with a good outcome.
I did the best I could at the time. I think you did too. 💐

Oh love, you absolutely did the right thing but how traumatising this has been for you. Definitely speak to someone about what you've been through.

I really think that you did the only thing that you could have done in the circumstances. You were very brave and I'm sorry that things haven't worked out well, but it's absolutely not your fault.

I just wanted to say that you did a really amazing thing. At the point of arrest, unless there are no "do not resuscitate" community orders in place, you have no idea of the outcomes for the patient and , if they do survive, their quality of life but you are giving them a chance of survival. If thinking about it you could instead try to congratulate yourself about how you managed to follow instructions really well under pressure.

I am sorry that you are currently feeling this way, unfortunately unless you have actually done this, others will never know how it feels. Not sure if it will help, but it is probable that your neighbour was probably on a downward trajectory with his health, the heart attack rather than your CPR might have exacerbated it but you are not responsible for the outcome. Whilst you may feel doubtful about his quality of life, his wife will not.

You do the best you can with the information available to you in the moment. That’s what you did. It was an amazing thing to do OP.

The same happened to me a few months ago after a chap had a cardiac arrest in the park. I performed CPR for almost 40 mins plus the help of a D-fib incredibly and he survived for 2 weeks
After the ambulance and police arrived it began to piece together quite how medically unwell he was and I , like you, think a lot about how undignified it was for him and that his last 2 weeks were in ICU

You have a milli second to choose what you're going to do and I think we just do what you think is the best at that time

If your neighbour was my mum or dad, id have wanted you to try if there was even s slim chance of recovery x

PTSD after CPR is quite a common thing, please seek some help.

To add OP, his life may have been heading in this direction, you did an amazing thing, you saved a life.

Go easy on yourself.

Years ago a woman told me about her daughter's symptoms. I think the daughter was in upper primary school.

I recognised the symptoms, having read them somewhere, and told her to take her daughter to the doctor immediately, describe the symptoms and say a friend had made her worried.

She did. Her daughter had a brain tumour. They operated and she survived. However, she was severely disabled and the woman has since then had to devote her life to caring. That's at least 20 years so far.

I should have kept my mouth shut and let nature take its course. But we have to do what we think is best at the time, and we can't know the future outcomes.

You helped a man in need, and his wife, OP. You did what was right at the time.

Do and get some counselling please. I did cpr on a family member 8 years ago and never got any. I still get flashbacks and can be reduced to tears of I think about it or talk about it in passing.
I was wearing a bracelet that I had to take off as the feel of it On my wrist brought back the memories. I put a bracelet on recently that had something dangling from it was found myself clawing at it to get it off as it was bringing back memories that I have tried to squash.

What I am trying to say is well done at doing it as it's not easy at all, don't beat yourself up with guilt, trust me, it gets you nowhere. Tell yourself that you did your best and he survived. You had no way of knowing what the future held for him. But please, do go talk it through with someone, don't make my mistake. Hugs

OP, do not think for a minute that you “saved” him on your own. CPR success is remarkably low, it doesn’t work in more than 95% of the cases even when the procedure is carried out by a crash team of a hospital with a defibrillator on hand.

If he survived it was because he was in a good enough condition for your efforts to work. So this was not something that you could have done on your own.

I agree however that some counselling may be advisable. I dealt with a suicide attempt some years ago and eventhough it was not as dramatic as what you experienced it left me so shaken that after a few days it started affecting me far far more than what I thought it would. Make sure you get some help so you can put this behind you 💐

@RegretfulFirstAider
How were you to know?
You instinctively did what you thought was for the best.
My lovely neighbour fell a few years ago in her Nineties.
I would have heard her had she called, as it was a hot summer and windows were open.

She had a mortal dread of going into a care home or going to live with her family.

She lay quietly for almost two days, and died in hospital shortly after admission.

Her adult child said “ Mum didn’t ring her alarm, or call- I think she wanted to “ Go”.

What a courageous woman to endure that time all alone.
Determined and stubborn til the end.

Sometimes DNR is better.
But how were you to have known that?

We should all make “ Living Wills” and pass our wishes onto any adult children so they know what we want to happen.

You did the right thing. You could not have possibly known what would happen in the future. If you hadn’t done it you’d no doubt have felt a lot worse. You sound like a kind, lovely person. Please don’t feel like any of what has happened now is in any way your responsibility xx

It wasn’t his time to go. Someone decided that, you happened to be the person who kept him going.
Whens it’s his his time to go he will.

You saved his life. Be thankful for that.

How horrid for you. I'm sorry. But it isn't your fault. You did what was asked of you by his wife and the 999 operator. You were not in a position to do otherwise. Imagine the guilt if you had somehow, weirdly, refused saying he is better off not surviving. How would you judge yourself then?

You were put in a terrible position. You did the only thing you could.

I agree with this. I wonder whether he'd been asked about DNR before - my dad had requested DNR but when he fell (and died) then my mum would have done anything to have had someone resuscitate him.