Do children make you have a happier life?

[Sewingsusan]

just that really. Love mine to bits and they’ve given me great sense of happiness and contentment.
what do others think?

Or do you go around with a cats bum mouth most of the time?!

Of course I don't. What a silly comment. We don't all like the same things. There is more to life than having children. I wiped DD's nose, listened to her waffle etc, (and sat by her hospital cot for weeks) because I love her more than life itself. I just didn't want to do this several times over.

So you’re talking about happiness level and having more than one child?

This is actually a really interesting question.

I have a 9yo DD. I would have loved two but it has not been possible for us. I am resigned to this but it is a source of great sadness for me.

I adore DD and have a brilliant time with her and wouldn't change her for anything.

But I can't lie. I have been a bit grumpy (sometimes very grumpy) ever since she was born. Life is full on, I am tired, there is never enough of me and I have very little time to do anything for myself. I'm less anxious and self-obsessed than I was before she was born, but mainly because I don't have the time or energy. The love and joy and I get from her has replaced that, but I can't deny it!

Life has more depth and meaning now which I wouldn't change. But I'm not sure if I'm happier.

@Doingprettywellthanks what is your problem?

I'm not maternal and was ambivalent about having children in the first place. My happiness before and after having DD was and is the same.

Good grief no problem

a poster says they never wanted wanted, they don’t want to look after someone or be responsible for someone.

i asked why they had children and how did the cope?

No. Very few highs, weeks go by without anything great happening. But I am on my own and my younger teen has MH issues which probably colours my view.

thats great.

but not the same as the previous poster.

She wasn’t ambivalent

It's a no for me. I love my son with all my heart but I find parenting exhausting and get very little joy from it. However he has SEN and I suspect life would be much easier if he was neurotypical. Everything is a battle and I worry it will just get worse as he gets older. He's 5 right now. I miss my child free life terribly.

Not to mention childless women and women who have lost their child are also included in that.

I'm happier but there are a lot more ups and downs. I found life much easier and more settled without a child but also felt something was missing.

The love I feel for my 3yo dd is indescribable. She is so lovely and it just blows my mind every day. I didn’t have that with my own mother and it’s just amazing. When she is happy, it makes my life.
But day to day life is stressful. I worry constantly and I’m permanently tired. I have little to no time for myself and constant stuff to do. My life revolves around hers. I sort of feel like I don’t have anything to look forward to in my own life. But I had a perinatal major depressive episode that has only faded into mild/ moderate symptoms and won’t shift so that’s probably affecting my thinking.
In a profound sense she has brought me a happiness I never knew existed but day to day I would say I’m much less satisfied with my own life.
She’s little though so my answer may be different in a few years time.

I would say my children have made me grow up and I think I am happier but in a more nuanced way.

When in my 20s I'd think I was "happy" when I went out partying or on a city break to Dubrovnik with friends or whatever.

Now I'm happy when I see my son and how good he is at making friends, when I see my Dd and how creative and artist she is ...

And very content when I realise I've managed another week where (possibly with a couple of exceptions) everyone has gone to school on time in clean clothes with the right kit having eaten fairly nutritious foods most of the week - and they seem to have friends and be able to do ok at school and behave well there.

It's a source of a lot of satisfaction and happiness but not the same as a weekend with your mates in Amsterdam ...

As I mentioned upthread I could not have children. My “journey” in that regard ended 20 years ago when I was told I had premature ovarian failure, no point in pursuing IVF with my own eggs and did not want donor eggs or to adopt. However I have no way of knowing whether my life would have been better or happier had I had children. All I can do is be happy in this life that I have, which is not without its rewards and compensations, and not dwell on the life I don’t have. And I am.

Yes I am much happier! I was happy before but I really love being a mum. Mine are teens.

Yes that's how I feel, happily child free and don't want kids.

However I assume if suddenly I had to look after my nephew I'd not be miserable and I'd probably/hopefully like the situation afterwards while. Sane as if I was suddenly pregnant and I assume hormones would make me like having kids and be happy.

Anyway surely most people wouldn't admit they would prefer their kids to not exist!

I worried that I'd regret it. And babies lead to proper humans eventually. I also crave novelty, so first time was a new experience. That's what got me through it. And I was back in work 8 months later, so just had to survive.

2nd time was harder, because it was like:"here we go again", just as dc1 was getting to 2.

I found the baby and toddler years really hard. Especially as dc2 was v clingy. Sometimes I just wanted to scream:"stop touching me!" But I didn't.

I've loved every bit of independence they gain.

I assume hormones would make me like having kids and be happy.

Unfortunately hormones don’t work that way.

I can't see how it's possible to know. You either have them or you don't, and you can't change your mind once you've got them.

I think you can. I had 23 years of being a child free adult before I had DD. The sudden loss of freedom and the double whammy of having a high needs baby with medical issues was very very hard for me.

I wasn't expecting to have children having been told that it would be very unlikely, so getting pregnant at 41 out of the blue was a complete surprise.

I've said I think it probably did make me happier however thinking about it if I was transported back 40 years or so and didn't meet my husband I'd be a multi millionaire living the high life in sunny climes. On the other hand I could be a global leader changing the world. Or perhaps I'd have been travelling the world trying to fix it. Knowing my background though I'd probably sunk into despair and stuck with a basic job.

Who knows whether we'd be happier if at different times we'd taken different paths, just make the best of the choices you have made. I can't tell you if I'd have been happier without children, she'd have been a different version of me, I can say they did change my life in a way I don't regret.

Absolutely yes! I have 4 under 8. One with SEN.

They make me happy beyond words and I cannot imagine my life without them.