Do children make you have a happier life?

[Sewingsusan]

just that really. Love mine to bits and they’ve given me great sense of happiness and contentment.
what do others think?

I'm sorry you feel that way @Anothernc1 - what is it about having a child that makes you feel this way? For me it was the poor relationship with their dad and feeling isolated / tired all the time, and struggling to balance all the aspects of my life. I did find things got better and easier as DC got older though. I hope that they do for you as well.

I agree with this.

These days, at least in countries like Britain, having or not having children is a free choice for most women. Like you, I have chosen to be childfree and am happy with that choice. I don't feel my life would be better if I had children, although of course there's no way for me to know that.

Women who have children, however, presumably made the choice to have them because it's something they wanted. Therefore it's not surprising if it usually makes them happier.

They did for me!

Yes
On the whole but as I now have two teens in exam Years

Is a tricky time for us.

But this period will pass.

So yes I dont regret.

Honestly no but I have a high needs disabled child so I guess that makes me a big different. I wish I didn't belive the hype before having children that life wouldn't be complete without them it's a load of rubbish.

Yes they're the best thing that's happened to me. Even now when they're teens.

I don't have and don't want kids. Never have. Never planned/thought about how many, or baby names, or my own family.

I find happiness and contentment from:

• knowing my time is always my own
• not worrying about someone so much
• not being responsible for anyone else
• being able to get up and go anytime I want. I work remotely so I can pack up and go anywhere in the world to travel or live
• my money is my own and I'll be retiring early (40s) at the pace I'm able to save/invest
• I don't need much space so my home is always quiet, clean, tidy, cozy and peaceful
• I can take more risks (ex. more risky but rewarding career Vs stability)
• not being forever somehow tied to a man who might end up being a shit

I'd be miserable having children. I would genuinely hate my life.

But I can easily understand that for someone who wants kids, there would be no greater joy. That the hard work is all worth it, and it doesn't feel like much of a sacrifice.

So it probably totally depends on the person.

I was happy before I had a DC (now 21) and I am happy now ... I don't think my state of happiness actually depends on whether or not I have a DC. I never had that maternal longing for a DC that you so often hear about & was quite ambivalent about the situation when I became pregnant (unplanned) at 42. Lots of people seem to assume I was 'trying' for years to have a baby ... nothing could be further from the truth .

I mean, if you want kids, then presumably yes.

If you don't, then probably not?

It's not like it's a one size fits all thing

I reckon every dog owner would say their dog makes them happier, but somebody who doesn't like dogs wouldn't be happier if somebody gave them a puppy and it shat everywhere and chewed everything?

Absolutely this. When it goes really wrong for your children it is like being hit by a freight train.

They grow up and leave home too. My sister’s son was a problem baby, a relentless toddler and a lazy and ungrateful kid however he just scraped university, via an expensive private education, and that’s the last she saw or heard of him. Apart from the odd email demanding money.

She freely admits there was no point to having him and would happily have jumped on the first bus to the clinic if she had known. And she means it. Kids aren’t always a lovely bundle of joy.

I’ve heard a saying that ‘you are only as happy as your unhappiest child’ and I can absolutely relate to that. Ds2 has complex SEN and I can’t imagine him ever living independently. It brings a huge amount of worry as well as the day to day challenges of family life.

But when he is happy, I know I’m absolutely happier than if we hadn’t had him or Dc1.

What @Miajk said!

Exactly this.

Yes, absolutely. They all improve the happiness and contentment in my life. Mine are 15, 13 and 8 yrs.

Same here. I can't see any way in which my life would be improved by having children, and lots of ways in which it would be worse. So I chose not to have children.

But of course others have completely different priorities. So they chose to have children. And no doubt for most of them, they will consider that children enrich their lives. Just like people who enjoy travelling feel that travel is worthwhile, for all the expense and sometimes difficulties. Whereas those who don't enjoy travel don't book holidays and spend their time and money elsewhere.

For me - yes absolutely. I know it's not the case for everyone though.

I'm so sorry Pebblebeach. That must be hard. Huge hugs!!

Yes, my children make me very happy and I feel so grateful and privileged to have them..that's not to say you can't be happy without kids. I'm sure lots of people are.

Says who?
It's subjective isn't it ?
Mine mske me very happy ,I can't imagine my life without them and I'm glad I had them
I'm sure however there are plenty of people who are perfectly happy without children.

I read once that "having a child basically magnifies all sadness and all joy by a thousand"

Nothing could be more true.

Swings and roundabouts.

I could reel off pros and cons for both.

Ultimately though having my child come into my life at 35 has made me feel intensely lucky because being 40 with no children I think I would have turned around and gone 'hang on a minute, no one gives one tiny fuck about me' not really. Sure I have great friends, but absolutely nothing would tie me to this world once my parents died. Sure my friends love and would do anything for me, but at the end of the day their priority would be their own kids and families, not me, I'd be no one's priority, no one's mummy, no one's huge part of their life etc. etc. etc.

Of course what I've just said can be picked apart a thousand times over but that's just how I feel about it. Now I regret not settling down and having more.

Yes

Yes. Being a parent is hard work but my kids have made my life so much better in a million different ways. I could not imagine my life without them.

I think there has been a fair bit of research on this, one comes to mind specifically where the happiest group are childfree, single women. And the unhappiest were single men (I can't remember if childfree or not).

It's not surprising as it probably comes down to how much women put up with most of the time, whereas men often get an easy ride by having a partner.

To be fair while I can appreciate this is how you feel, it's quite a big burden and expectation to put on a child.

What if your child ends up estranged? Or very disabled? Or addicted to drugs? Or dies?

I think having kids with the idea that you'll have someone who cares about you is quite selfish, but also sadly you don't need to look far to see old people who have had kids but don't have someone who cares all that much anyway.

I'm not attacking you personally I just see this a lot, as well as the "who will look after you when you're old" and I think it's important to have the right expectations and intentions when making a huge life decision like having kids vs not.

Without a tangible scientific measure for happiness, which is impossible, this is all completely fluff with absolutely no basis whatsoever in reality. All this research is bullshit, basically.