Do children make you have a happier life?

[Sewingsusan]

just that really. Love mine to bits and they’ve given me great sense of happiness and contentment.
what do others think?

You're absolutely right (when it comes to overall trends, and I think it refers specifically to women) but this seems to upset certain people for some reason.

I love mine to bits but selfishly, parenting has taken it's toll on me from giving birth (I still bear the scars from which I sadly will never recover and my youngest is 17) to the general burden of responsibility. That worry never leaves you completely even when they leave home and are fully functioning adults. I found I've developed a keen sense of knowing when something isn't quite right in their world and as a mother I can never put that worry back in the box, if they are unhappy or troubled in any way, I know it and it makes me feel the same. I find that unbearable sometimes.

I imagine the people who choose not to have children are happier without them than those who don't want them but end up with them. It's an individual thing really.

Yep you can already see some responses on this thread alone. How it's "propaganda" or you can't prove it.

I don't have financial worries, anxiety, stress, problems, a sick child, any restraints in my life - I'm unconditionally happy. I can go on amazing holidays. Travel. Instead of paying for kids, pay for flight upgrades or luxury resorts. Sleep well every night. Quit my job tomorrow if I wanted as I feel more secure taking risks. Leave my partner if he gave me a reason to, instead of thinking about the kids.

While parenthood must bring a lot of joy to people who wanted to be parents, it's no secret that there are downsides and day to day many parents probably aren't happy. Dealing with a sick child, busy life, stress at work multiplied by something at home. Wishing you had more time for yourself. Worrying about your teenage child. Why are we pretending like that's not the case?

The ones saying that they wouldn't have had infertility treatment if they thought they wouldn't enjoy being parents yet how do you guarantee that? People who experience infertility and IVF are more likely to experience PND. I have felt a lot of pressure (from myself) to feel I have to enjoy every minute because of the difficulties conceiving.

Horses for courses. If you're not particularly bothered about having DC then you'd be happier without. If you're very maternal, plenty of DC will be for you.

I love my children and I love seeing them grow and develop personalities etc. It is extremely rewarding however I wouldn't say that my life is happier for it (although I wouldn't change it for the world).

In all honesty I mainly find it fucking hard work. I have a 2 & 5 year old and they want every single piece of me. It feels like they want my blood some days. I find myself constantly cleaning, washing clothes, wiping arse, getting food, stressing every morning for the school run, stressing when they whinge at me 24/7 about every single thing. I get woken up 2-3 times a night. I go to work all day and attempt to do a good job but I'm just not "with it" any more. I don't think I could say that it's made me happier.

But there is just something so magical about it and I wouldn't have it any other way.

While parenthood must bring a lot of joy to people who wanted to be parents, it's no secret that there are downsides and day to day many parents probably aren't happy. Dealing with a sick child, busy life, stress at work multiplied by something at home. Wishing you had more time for yourself. Worrying about your teenage child. Why are we pretending like that's not the case?

I'm not sure anyone is, tbh. There are downside to every lifestyle, realistically. I lived the life you describe for decades pre-kids (I came to it all late), so I can absolutely see both sides.

Even with the bumps in the road you mention, I'm still much, much happier as a parent. I basically didn't know about this somewhat different kind of happiness before I had children. And I was happy before. Having enjoyed/enjoying both, I'm happier now, with all the little blips and annoyances.

The fabric of everyone's life is so varied. These threads always have a underlying tension about happiness levels/kids etc. It's always to good to hear other people are happy, whatever their life path. None of use should be trying to diminish each other's choices or scour away at what makes them happy.

I'm not pretending. I'm busy but that's work, not my teen. DS is very seldom sick, I would quite happily spend every evening and weekend with him and I have plenty of time to myself. He's no problem at all despite being a teen. I'm very lucky and wouldn't change a thing.

Life with DS around is infinitely preferable to life without. 😊

I get your point, but it's not always a straight "either/or situation. DH and DS are planning an amazing trip next year, for example. In our experience, the stressed/lack of sleep phase was pretty short (thank goodness!) and they're good company now. But we wanted them, of course.

Yes completely

Yes and no. I am glad I have my children but due to circumstances beyond me they are the source of all worries and stress.

Oh I feel like I’m in a new technicolour universe since having children. I’m far far happier far more often (and had a wonderful life pre kids as well). I’d no idea quite how magic the love would be.

I’m not sure having PND has much to do with whether you enjoy being the mother of an older child a couple of years later. By definition it is a temporary psychiatric disorder.

It would be interesting to ask women who live in cultures where having children is seen as a religious and cultural obligation, and so is not a totally free choice, how they feel.

There are various forums/sub forums where parents go for support/to vent about regretting having their children and the stories the women in the situations you mention are awful, both for them and for their children.

I think it might be more that children offer a sort of happiness that you don't get without them, rather than necessarily making parents happier per se.

*I don't have financial worries, anxiety, stress, problems, a sick child, any restraints in my life - I'm unconditionally happy. I can go on amazing holidays. Travel. Instead of paying for kids, pay for flight upgrades or luxury resorts. Sleep well every night. Quit my job tomorrow if I wanted as I feel more secure taking risks. Leave my partner if he gave me a reason to, instead of thinking about the kids.

While parenthood must bring a lot of joy to people who wanted to be parents, it's no secret that there are downsides and day to day many parents probably aren't happy. Dealing with a sick child, busy life, stress at work multiplied by something at home. Wishing you had more time for yourself. Worrying about your teenage child. Why are we pretending like that's not the case?*

@Miajk I don't think anyone is pretending that's not the case, I think what you have to ask yourself is why, given all of what you've said, do many parents still say that having children is the best thing they've ever done. I think research has shown that child free people might class themselves as happier, but that parents report more meaning and purpose in their lives. There is something magical about bringing up your children that nothing else comes close to. The sense of you actually mattering on this earth is amazing.

I know everyone is different but I wouldn't swap my children and the life I've had with them for the things you've listed above.

They are adults now with children of their own and they are my very best friends in the world. I'm so proud of my DS and DD. They know me better than anyone and we just get each other. The times we spend together are so precious. My grandchildren are literally the light of my life.

I think research has shown that child free people might class themselves as happier, but that parents report more meaning and purpose in their lives. There is something magical about bringing up your children that nothing else comes close to. The sense of you actually mattering on this earth is amazing.

I couldn’t have children. I don’t think my life lacks meaning or purpose and I don’t think I don’t actually matter on this earth. Your words are equally hurtful whether childfree my choice or not.

I'm really sorry I've hurt you. It wasn't my intention. It was maybe a bit clumsily worded.

Of course people find meaning in all sorts of important ways and having children is just one of those.

Yes!!! (Ages 17, 15, 10 and 9)

Not necessarily. Parents today are expected to give a hell of a lot and expect nothing in return. It can be quite demoralising to be such a punchbag / server of needs.

This is such a lovely way to put it!

I so vividly remember the first time I left the house without DS, he was maybe two weeks old and I had to visit the doctors. This sounds a bit daft written down, but I just couldn't get over how the world itself felt completely transformed. I was walking down my same old street to the same old doctors and I kept staring at everything in wonder, because I couldn't believe how much better the entire world was now that it contained DS. I couldn't believe how even though I wasn't with him, the very fact that he existed meant that reality had fundamentally altered to this beautiful, wonderful new reality that included him.

It doesn't strike me the way it did that first time, but I still feel this way about him, and to me this is what sums up the happiness that children have bought to my life. Although the rest of my life is objectively worse and definitely less enjoyable than it used to be, I experience the world and my own life as better for being a world and life with DS in it.

Thank you, that’s much appreciated!

I want to say yes, and there have been some joyful times and I love them to bits.
But there have also been some extremely stressful times and I think I have lost/ neglected myself a bit as its all consuming particularly if DC have problems ( i have 2 with sen) and combining with working full time, running a household etc. Life before DC was in many ways more carefree but that might have been because I was young!
I know if I never had children there would have been a hole in my life.
You can't run two parallel lives so no one knows for sure.
However I think statistically single ( and possibly child free) women live longer so i think having a family can take a disproportionate physical and emotional toll on women.