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Original poster

Do children make you have a happier life?

197 replies

Sewingsusan · 22/09/2022 13:45

just that really. Love mine to bits and they’ve given me great sense of happiness and contentment.
what do others think?

OP posts:
Miajk · 22/09/2022 18:21

macthekwife · 22/09/2022 18:10

Without a tangible scientific measure for happiness, which is impossible, this is all completely fluff with absolutely no basis whatsoever in reality. All this research is bullshit, basically.

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You can measure perceived happiness though.

If you ask someone how happy they are (overall, on a daily basis, from a scale of 1-10 etc) and there's a large enough sample size surely you can draw some conclusions?

macthekwife · 22/09/2022 18:23

Miajk · 22/09/2022 18:21

You can measure perceived happiness though.

If you ask someone how happy they are (overall, on a daily basis, from a scale of 1-10 etc) and there's a large enough sample size surely you can draw some conclusions?

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No because happiness means different things to different people. So perceived happiness itself is not static and so cannot be measured in any meaningful way.

Miajk · 22/09/2022 18:49

macthekwife · 22/09/2022 18:23

No because happiness means different things to different people. So perceived happiness itself is not static and so cannot be measured in any meaningful way.

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You can measure how people feel though. It's a survey of opinion, the same way that surveys ask opinions on other topics and then conclude that "most of group x thought y".

Starfreeze · 22/09/2022 19:00

Anothernc1 · 22/09/2022 16:19

Personally, no. I've been fantasising about walking out or dying since baby was born 3 years ago.
If I could go back in time, I'd stop myself getting pregnant.
I'm never going to be happy again.

Flowers

I'm so sorry. I really hope things do get easier and you do find a way to find some happiness again.

Pebblebeach15 · 22/09/2022 19:02

@Sewingsusan thank you x

Namechange192727171 · 22/09/2022 19:20

I have a dd age 13 with ASD and a toddler aged 1.

A million times over the teenager is harder work, more worry etc. However i love both my children and wouldn't want to love without them.

macthekwife · 22/09/2022 21:32

Miajk · 22/09/2022 18:49

You can measure how people feel though. It's a survey of opinion, the same way that surveys ask opinions on other topics and then conclude that "most of group x thought y".

Show quote history

Sure, but what is "Y"? Define Y

Questions12 · 22/09/2022 21:39

I have bad anxiety over my child that doesn't make me happy but I adore him.

drpet49 · 22/09/2022 21:42

SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 13:47

They say the happiest people are those who are single and child free so no

all the single people I know are miserable

RedBea · 22/09/2022 21:42

My children have made me the happiest I’ve ever been. I’d be lost without them. I love them with all my heart, but sometimes I worry so much if anything bad happened I question whether this was the best for me. I wouldn’t change a thing though, they are incredible.

Queuesarasarah · 22/09/2022 21:43

No I don’t think, but also I knew I wanted kids always. So can’t imagine making any other choice.

Theundertaker · 22/09/2022 22:06

I'm fairly sure it would ruin my life to have kids. I'm never not relieved to get away from other people's. I know that if I did have them, I would love them but also resent them hugely for wanting so much from me, and I'd be terrified of them getting cancer/bullied/murdered/killed in a car crash etc. I have dogs though, and they definitely make my life better - even though I worry about them too!

pinkchampagne1 · 22/09/2022 22:06

No, it certainly hasn’t made me happier. My boys are 19 and 23 and the eldest has high functioning ASD. He is a very challenging character who doesn’t appear to care about any of his family and I feel I have failed as a mother.
My DH (his stepfather) is really stressed with his behaviour right now and they don’t seem to be getting on. I just feel really down and don’t see things getting any better. Obviously I love my boys and this makes everything even harder. If I could have had a crystal ball and seen exactly how tough parenthood would be for me before having the boys, I would have chosen a childless life.

GraveyardStick · 22/09/2022 22:10

drpet49 · 22/09/2022 21:42

all the single people I know are miserable

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It’s only the ‘by choice’ ones. So relationship free and childfree not people who are relationship less and childless. The people you know probably want to be in a relationship and are looking with no success for whatever reason.

Cameleongirl · 22/09/2022 22:58

IcedPurple · 22/09/2022 16:40

I agree with this.

These days, at least in countries like Britain, having or not having children is a free choice for most women. Like you, I have chosen to be childfree and am happy with that choice. I don't feel my life would be better if I had children, although of course there's no way for me to know that.

Women who have children, however, presumably made the choice to have them because it's something they wanted. Therefore it's not surprising if it usually makes them happier.

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Great post, I completely agree. I'm so grateful that I was able to choose to have children, and also choose how many! My great-granny died after having her sixth child - apparently the doctor warned her not to have any more, but contraception wasn't reliable back then.😔

Weepachu · 22/09/2022 23:12

SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 13:47

They say the happiest people are those who are single and child free so no

Yes I see so many articles on this and it’s a narrative which is pushed a lot. I think it’s propaganda.

VroomVrooom · 22/09/2022 23:15

How long is a piece of string?

If you have lovely children (because you wanted them), and have become part of a community because of them, then yes absolutely, you will have a much happier life.

If you have a high needs child or children, it can absolutely destroy your mental health, so no.

StillMedusa · 22/09/2022 23:39

My four are adults now..aged 25-30
Some years were very tough, 4 kids aged 5 and under!
The teen years were...testing... (one was horrendous)
But life without the amazing people they have grown up to be? Can't imagine it!

Realistically in some ways my life might have been 'better' without 4 children.. I might have had a career, might have earned a lot more, had better cars/house/holidays, but my life IS fullfilled because of my primary role as Mum.. watching four tiny humans become incredible , independent adults... the continuity of life... brilliant! (And one has special needs so will never be fully independent , but he's even more awesome for how much he has achieved)

And the ultimate happiness... is having a grandchild who toddles into my arms... unconditional love all over again and somehow even better!

My life is definitely happier for having children!

Quitelikeit · 22/09/2022 23:43

Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!

lemonyanus · 22/09/2022 23:48

SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 13:47

They say the happiest people are those who are single and child free so no

Who says that? Single and child free people by any chance?

lemonyanus · 22/09/2022 23:57

Anothernc1 · 22/09/2022 16:19

Personally, no. I've been fantasising about walking out or dying since baby was born 3 years ago.
If I could go back in time, I'd stop myself getting pregnant.
I'm never going to be happy again.

Aw Sad you should speak to a GP Flowers

adhdpunchbag · 22/09/2022 23:58

Not necessarily. So many variables affect the answer to your question.

If I had the choice I wouldn't do it again and have my neurodiverse genes end with me.

Hotdaisies22 · 23/09/2022 01:17

No. I was very happy before ( I had kids late and had a full happy life for many years without them). I love my DC immensely but there are lots of negatives and overall I'd say I'm less happy now.

Mojitoo · 23/09/2022 01:37

Yes. Having children unlocked a completely different level of happiness for me. I didn't necessarily expect that - I thought I was sorted, fine, totally happy being child-free, couldn't see how life could be improved by kids etc.

I was wrong, there was a happiness that I didn't know about, that I wouldn't have discovered if I hadn't became a parent. I'm much, much happier now.

Sunnytwobridges · 23/09/2022 02:00

Not for me. My dd was a pretty easy kid but I realize I didn’t enjoy parenting at all. I know I would’ve been exponentially happier with a partner, some dogs and childfree.