Do children make you have a happier life?

[Sewingsusan]

just that really. Love mine to bits and they’ve given me great sense of happiness and contentment.
what do others think?

I think once you have a child ,you.can't imagine life without your child/ren in it and for anyone who has ever lost a child that must be the worst pain .
But you can't miss what you have never had ( if you are childless by choice )its all so subjective iand how do you measure happiness?

Oh I feel like I’m in a new technicolour universe since having children. I’m far far happier far more often (and had a wonderful life pre kids as well). I’d no idea quite how magic the love would be

I like this. Yes, going into Technicolour is a good way of describing it.

I think research has shown that child free people might class themselves as happier, but that parents report more meaning and purpose in their lives. There is something magical about bringing up your children that nothing else comes close to. The sense of you actually mattering on this earth is amazing.

I don't actually know where that research comes from, but I very much doubt it is just based on individual subjective opinions. Probably, more likely, analysing some kind of self reported happiness scale?

I don't think childfree single women argue that we are happier than parents. We tend to say that we are happier for not being parents ourselves. I, personally, made the decision to not have children at a very young age and I've never wavered from that.
However, after many years of being divorced and unsatisfactory relationships since, I am, at the age of 48, starting to wish I had a loving partner. It's not the be all and end all of my life, but something that would make me happier.

I also think that surveys like this depend on life stage too.

Some of us don't think that bringing up children is magical. I have had many magical moments in my life, most of which have involved experiences like climbing mountains or, more recently, watching my beloved dog recover from a serious illness. That's where I get my magic. Parents get it from their children. Fair dos.

I've also never felt the need to matter to the world once I've died. I have no desire to leave a legacy. I'm happy just to be. Me and my amazing dog. And hopefully a lovely man to join us. That's my happiness.

Oh but my life has a lot of purpose and meaning. It's just different to that of parents.

I also think that surveys like this depend on life stage too.

Surveys simply reflect the people you ask, you can probably find a survey to confirm your view whatever it is
Single people are happier
Married people are happier
Dog owners are happier than cat owners
Cat owners are happier than dog owners
There'll be a survey out there that will confirm it.

@BigFatLiar exactly that. It suits a certain narrative about women having the burden of childcare and housework to say that women without husbands/partners and children are happier.

The truth is more nuanced.

Exactly, @thesurrealist and there seems to be a stereotype that childfree people are fulfilled and do amazing things, whereas all parents are sleep deprived, broke, and never experience exciting travel, for example. 😂

Truthfully, everyone is different. DH and I are the only ones in our family who've had children. Some of our siblings do lead happy, interesting lives; others do very little and appear to be lonely/unhappy. Everyone's different!

'Some of us don't think that bringing up children is magical. I have had many magical moments in my life, most of which have involved experiences like climbing mountains or, more recently, watching my beloved dog recover from a serious illness. That's where I get my magic. Parents get it from their children. Fair dos.'

You don't just get magical moments from your kids though. You don't replace mountain climbing and pet ownership with parenthood. As a parent you get your magic from your child but you also get it from other parts of life. Parents usually have a whole life as well outside of being a parent. You can climb mountains and have children. I totally agree with your more general point though. Life without kids isn't somehow meaningless or devoid of magic and love. What a bizarre thought.

Yes until the teenaged years.

Absolutely, statistics etc prove whatever you want them to prove.

I am not maternal in the slightest.
I have had happy times and unhappy times. My children figure in both.
Dh has not been the dad I thought he would be, so children have caused a lot of problems in our marriage. Not aa babies, but as children. Dh is 70s authoritarian twat. I read reaearch and have actual experience.

I have made some great friends through the dc.

@lemonyanus I've never understand the stark divide that some people place between parents and childfree adults. It's as if they assume that parents never do anything but parent and childfree adults never interact with children.😂

Kids aren't the be all and end all of people's lives, it's abit sad if they are, tbh.

When you say “I am not maternal in the slightest” what do you mean? How does this manifest itself?

I've never liked babies. Have no interest in children. Don't like looking after things or people. Don't like being needed.

I loved my pre kid life and was always travelling. But jeez I love my DS who is 6 months. He makes me so happy. I wouldn’t change it for the world even though sitting in a hammock on a tropical island, sipping a beer, after scuba diving all morning was a pretty amazing life too!
so yes, absolutely!

So so true!

The lows can be really bad.

The sense of you actually mattering on this earth is amazing.

So now childfree women don't actually matter to the entire earth?

Same here. I agree with the comment that the highs are higher and the lows are lower.

DD had life saving surgery at 9 weeks, and was in and out of hospital until she was 4. She then was horribly bullied at school at 14 which has had long lasting consequences.

She is 22 now and has CFS. I find that I have a constant niggling worry about her.

So my answer is that I love her to bits, but my life isn't better or worse for having her, just different.

Yes, without a doubt I'm happier with mine.

The sense of you actually mattering on this earth is amazing

What a silly comment. I don't define my worth by being a parent. Life is just as fulfilling without children.

I'm not maternal in the slightest either @Doingprettywellthanks. I don't understand what you don't get about that. I love my DD, but having lots of children is not my idea of bliss. I prefer a quiet, ordered life, not the chaos a large family brings. And I like my sleep.

Honestly, why did you have children? Genuinely interested.

and how did you cope when they were sick, upset etc?

im fascinated because polar opposite to me, which I suspect is why I do adore being a parent so much. I can’t imagine wiping snotty noses, clearing up sick, listening to waffle about schoolyard slights etc if I wasn’t “maternal”! Do you have to “fake” it?

So do you fake it? Or do you go around with a cats bum mouth most of the time?!

5yo and 2yo. I miss having money and time to myself. Feel like a mum robot sometimes (did I used to have a personality and be funny?) I love my DC very much but I also frequently wonder what life would be like if I hadn't had them.

Well statistically no

Childless people are often happier when this issue is studied.

And women, especially who are married with children are often the least happy people after 35 too (and this will be down to the kids, as women in the same age groups with a partner but no kids aren't less happy than single, childless women)