Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I wasn’t in the wrong and haven’t received an apology but need to try and ‘make up’ with MIL- how do i go about it ?

137 replies

CreatedaProblem · 17/09/2022 21:31

Had an argument with MIL- well…… sort of. She had a go at me basically. Not my fault at all but was quite an explosive rant.

It’s been weeks now and we haven’t spoken . Dh has had minimal contact by text. It’s awkward we used to get on ok.

I know she was in the wrong and I don’t want to back down but I’d rather everyone got along again but no idea how to approach the situation at all.

OP posts:
Cynderella · 17/09/2022 21:42

Honestly, I would just think of an excuse to call in - dropping off something or whatever. Just break the ice. I'd like to think I would say, I feel quite upset that I've not seen you for a while. Hope we can get back to where we were. But I would be more likely to pretend it hadn't happened - whatever, someone has to make the first move, and it's always good to be the bigger person. You don't have to apologise, just be ready to move on.

Eupraxia · 17/09/2022 21:44

Break the ice, don't mention the issue and attempt to move forward.

Original poster
CreatedaProblem · 17/09/2022 21:45

Cynderella · 17/09/2022 21:42

Honestly, I would just think of an excuse to call in - dropping off something or whatever. Just break the ice. I'd like to think I would say, I feel quite upset that I've not seen you for a while. Hope we can get back to where we were. But I would be more likely to pretend it hadn't happened - whatever, someone has to make the first move, and it's always good to be the bigger person. You don't have to apologise, just be ready to move on.

I just feel for Dh and the dc sale that it needs to be sorted out but it’s difficult I can’t work out if she just doesn’t want to talk to me again after what she said or if she said it in anger and didn’t mean it and is now embarrassed? I just don’t know how to work it out I could try to think of something to drop off maybe that would be the first move

OP posts:
2isontheway · 17/09/2022 21:47

I've been in a similar position before...invited them round for tea and that seemed to clear the air...not sure what I would have done if they'd have turned down the offer mind!

Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2022 21:48

What did she say? That's very relevant here. Some things there are no going back from.

HotSauceCommittee · 17/09/2022 21:51

What does your DH think?? Is he supportive of you?

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 17/09/2022 21:54

Invite them for a family walk. There should be enough around you to talk about without referring to the row.If it all goes wrong you can leave in different directions.

Original poster
CreatedaProblem · 17/09/2022 22:00

Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2022 21:48

What did she say? That's very relevant here. Some things there are no going back from.

She phoned us one aft and said she needed dh to go round immediately to help her with something then drop her off to the shops. We were actually about 30 mins away at an appointment then we’re going straight on to school pick up and when we said we couldn’t help her she lost her temper spectacularly and accused me of ‘winning’ that I finally had ‘what I wanted - her son ‘ and how her Beaty couldn’t take it that she wants him to remember that she’s his family but he only cares about his family unit with me and the children. She was furious. She then text me to go and f myself and she would never speak to me again

OP posts:
Original poster
CreatedaProblem · 17/09/2022 22:01

Beaty- heart !!!!. Bizarre autocorrect!

OP posts:
Original poster
CreatedaProblem · 17/09/2022 22:01

I should add - it was massively out of character for her . We usually get on fine so it was really a shock

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 17/09/2022 22:03

She must have other stuff going on.

Travis1 · 17/09/2022 22:03

fuck that I’d let her hing as she grows and get on with my own family.

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 17/09/2022 22:04

Well I’m not surprised no one’s spoken for a while!

rosiebl · 17/09/2022 22:05

Sorry OP but based on your update with the actual incident, there's no way I would be breaking the ice. She's made her bed. Absolve yourself of any responsibility to move past it, she needs to approach you and apologise.

Phineyj · 17/09/2022 22:06

Hmm, she's rather shown her hand there, hasn't she?! I wouldn't dive in too fast if I were you.

I mean, I was ranted at many times by MIL but it was nearly always political stuff so I didn't need to take it too personally (although I did find it upsetting and DH and DFIL did eventually tell her to back off).

Having someone openly declare they've jealous of you is a bit more of a poser!

AndAllOurYesterdays · 17/09/2022 22:07

If this was out of the blue she must have other stuff going on. I'd get someone neutral in the family to check all.is ok with her.

J0y · 17/09/2022 22:07

Wow. I''d just do nothing. I mean, you don't have to do a full on no contact. Card on her birthday, if you cross paths, talk about the weather...

But I wouldn't be working on repairing a relationship with somebody who told me to go fuck myself. I'd be reminding myself to protect my self from more the same.

LookItsMeAgain · 17/09/2022 22:09

Based on what she said and under the circumstances, I'd leave her to her own devices. She has a voice and knows where you live and your contact info, leave it up to her to apologise.

Don't make the first move here. That has to come from her.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 17/09/2022 22:10

Given your latest update, it would be a real mistake for you to make the first move. If you do she will happily forget all about it and think she can treat you like shit next time as well. She has to realise that the reason no one is talking to her is because of what she's done.

UniversalTruth · 17/09/2022 22:10

Hmmm if it's out of character, I would think about an olive branch, maybe via DH to say that eg. "what you said was unacceptable, but we want to check you're ok, because maybe something is bothering you."

Original poster
CreatedaProblem · 17/09/2022 22:11

It was very out of the blue and very very explosive . We sort of sat there after thinking wtf just happened ???? But I feel awful for dh and dc as suddenly she’s just not around anymore and I’m thinking ahead of Xmas etc and worrying it’s Going to be unpleasant and even though it wasn’t me I feel like should I try at least to get everyone talking again or should I wait for an apology

OP posts:
Original poster
CreatedaProblem · 17/09/2022 22:13

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 17/09/2022 22:10

Given your latest update, it would be a real mistake for you to make the first move. If you do she will happily forget all about it and think she can treat you like shit next time as well. She has to realise that the reason no one is talking to her is because of what she's done.

I did think about that . I dont want to set myself up as her punchbag

OP posts:
SeaToSki · 17/09/2022 22:13

UniversalTruth · 17/09/2022 22:10

Hmmm if it's out of character, I would think about an olive branch, maybe via DH to say that eg. "what you said was unacceptable, but we want to check you're ok, because maybe something is bothering you."

This

EVHead · 17/09/2022 22:13

Fuck that. Let DH deal with her. Don’t break the ice - she’s the one in the wrong, and majorly so!!!

Stichintimesavesstapling · 17/09/2022 22:13

The rant, ok out of character. The text though, she had time to think and she rattled it off anyway. I wouldn't be going cap in hand to that.

At this point she now is playing a power game. You apologise (she wins), you don't and she can say she was right all along and her son has been snatched aay by the evil harpie. I would ask your dh to sort this, say she's welcome over if she apologises.