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Original poster

‘Beaten by a girl’. How offensive is this?

160 replies

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 07:49

DS (9) came home in tears from school yesterday having been given the worst punishment the school has (goes on his record)for saying this in a science class to a male classmate after a dexterity experiment in which said classmate was ‘beaten by a girl’. DS still has no idea why he shouldn’t have said it.
I’m a feminist. DH is extremely supportive. If this was said to me I’d feel triumphant. I’m struggling with the harshness of the punishment and that DS obviously hasn’t been given an age appropriate explanation. Thoughts?

OP posts:

JustoneQuickquestion · 17/09/2022 07:52

Would he have said ‘beaten by a boy’?

Nothingbuttheglory · 17/09/2022 07:54

The obvious implication is that the speaker believes boys are superior to girls and should always outperform them 🙄

Threelittlelambs · 17/09/2022 07:54

Or beaten by a black boy?
or beaten by a Chinese girl
or beaten by ….

oh come on ….. people are good at different things, to suggest he was beaten by a girl means the girls are weak and he’s weaker than a girl. Very offensive.

howaboutchocolate · 17/09/2022 07:55

The punishment seems harsh but the phrase is very misogynistic. It's used as an insult. Being beaten by a girl is more humiliating because girls are obviously less good at things than boys and boys should beat them 🙄
There was no need for him to reduce it to gender.

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/09/2022 07:55

I can't believe that you are a feminist and can't see why this is offensive.

Newuser82 · 17/09/2022 07:55

That seems like a very harsh punishment. Although I can see why it was an inappropriate thing to say I think to record it at age 9 is ridiculous.

Original poster

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 07:57

No, but he’s pretty competitive, so if he’d won (or lost 😂) he would have made a fuss.
he’s been severely punished for something and he doesn’t even know why.

OP posts:

ElizabethBest · 17/09/2022 07:57

I think you should be worrying more about why he thinks he is better than girls than the punishment….

MyLovelyPen · 17/09/2022 07:57

As a teacher I wouldn’t have given him such a harsh punishment but I would definitely pointed out his appalling sexism. I’m very surprised that you don’t see it.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/09/2022 07:58

Ask him why he said 'a girl'. Does he think boys should be better?

Quveas · 17/09/2022 07:59

I am not sure that a punishment rather than a good (and possibly stern) explanation is appropriate at that age. But I am struggling to understand why you would have been triumphant if somebody said it to you - it is clearly an insult even in writing, without the intonation that clearly went along with it. It implies that a boy / man is "weak" because "even a girl" could beat him.

Hoppinggreen · 17/09/2022 07:59

It might be a harsh punishment but it was an awful thing to say and I am surprised you can’t see that

Terriblethirtytwos · 17/09/2022 07:59

If you would be triumphant hearing this I suspect you are less feminist than you believe, which is fine. I would be so disappointed if this was my child.

Andromachehadabadday · 17/09/2022 08:00

You really can’t work it out?

He didn’t just make an observation did he?

The implication that the boys loss is worse because he lost to a girl. There’s expectation that boys should win against girls as the default. That losing to a girl is somehow worse than losing to a boy.

I think it’s even worse, that having had it pointed out, he still doesn’t get it.

Countingdowntodecember · 17/09/2022 08:00

I think phrases like that absolutely need to be stamped out and children should be taught they are unacceptable.

There’s no other way to read it other than a belief that boys are superior to girls and it’s therefore embarrassing to be beaten by them.

nameychange · 17/09/2022 08:01

Good on the school I say. The punishment actually fits since neither you nor him can see why what he said was extremely offensive. He’s had to stop and think about his behaviour which can only be a good thing. Casual everyday sexism is why so many girls don’t think they can do things and as a result give up. It’s why there was a huge campaign to reclaim the phrase ‘run like a girl’

bodie1890 · 17/09/2022 08:01

I also can’t understand how you can be a feminist and think that this would be a compliment.

If someone says ‘beaten by a girl!’ it implies that girls would always be expected to lose normally, so it’s embarrassing for him to be beaten by one.

Ask your son why he thinks it should be embarrassing to be beaten by a girl? Girls are just as capable as boys and he’s got the punishment because what he said was very sexist.

The teacher who gave the punishment should also be explaining this. It should be being reinforced from all directions and don’t downplay it - this stuff is important.

Onceinnever · 17/09/2022 08:01

What was the punishment ?

You need to explain to him why he shouldn't have said it, if he doesn't understand.

You might feel triumphant at someone saying this to you. A 9 year old girl would not.

girlmom21 · 17/09/2022 08:03

The fault is not in the punishment. The fault is in not explaining to him what he's done wrong. What's the point in that?

You're also not a feminist if you'd feel triumphant that a man thinks he should be better than you and his friends are mocking him because he's not.

Boomboom22 · 17/09/2022 08:03

I think if you were a feminist you would have blown your top at him saying this, I have been known to go mental at mine for this sort of sexism, it's insidious. What you are really saying is he should have been better at science and he is fine to be upset that a mere artsy girl beat him. He actually said that out loud in class!! Replace girl with black and you see the issue?

SoupDragon · 17/09/2022 08:04

DS still has no idea why he shouldn’t have said it.

Have you not explained to it to him then?

Original poster

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 08:05

I think it’s even worse, that having had it pointed out, he still doesn’t get it
im not sure it was pointed out, well at least not in an age appropriate way.

OP posts:

IceStationZebra · 17/09/2022 08:05

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 08:05

I think it’s even worse, that having had it pointed out, he still doesn’t get it
im not sure it was pointed out, well at least not in an age appropriate way.

You need to explain it to him now.

doninga · 17/09/2022 08:06

If boys and girls are equal then ‘Beaten by a girl!’ shouldn’t even be a thing people say at all.

Would you say ‘Beaten by a blonde-haired person!’, ‘Beaten by a Muslim!’ etc, of course not.

That’s why it’s problematic.

Andromachehadabadday · 17/09/2022 08:07

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 08:05

I think it’s even worse, that having had it pointed out, he still doesn’t get it
im not sure it was pointed out, well at least not in an age appropriate way.

And you couldn’t tell him?

I am guessing it was explained.

How does a feminist not understand that statements that put women as the automatic lesser party, is sexist?

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