‘Beaten by a girl’. How offensive is this?

[Trainfromredhill]

DS (9) came home in tears from school yesterday having been given the worst punishment the school has (goes on his record)for saying this in a science class to a male classmate after a dexterity experiment in which said classmate was ‘beaten by a girl’. DS still has no idea why he shouldn’t have said it.
I’m a feminist. DH is extremely supportive. If this was said to me I’d feel triumphant. I’m struggling with the harshness of the punishment and that DS obviously hasn’t been given an age appropriate explanation. Thoughts?

Not your fault either you can’t see anyone else’s point of view and live in an imaginary bubble. Me hurt so bad? What, by a comment on the Internet? You have quite an imagination. I’d lay off the Mills and Boon if I were you! Next time try some logic rather than abuse, little girl! 😀

Calling it making a fuss, when someone points out women and girls have been bought and all as part of slavery, the doing the ‘bit what about boys’ is misogynistic. It’s centering males on a conversation that was about female slaves.

I totally agree with this.

I'm not sure what kind of feminist you are OP. A strange one by my reckoning otherwise I'm sure it's be pretty bloody obvious why this is offensive. As PPs have suggested change the word girl to something else like Muslim or Chinese or Asian or something and see how shit it sounds.

As PPs have suggested change the word girl to something else like Muslim or Chinese or Asian or something and see how shit it sounds.

but you can use that argument about how Mumsnet users talk about men. They wouldn't be allowed to say half the things said about men if they were talking about the group's listed above.

Exactly!

MNers are oblivious to the volume of generalisations about men, and misandrist posts on here. Simply changing the word men to women would make them shocking, never mind changing it to a nationality or race.

I’m struggling with the harshness of the punishment and that DS obviously hasn’t been given an age appropriate explanation. Thoughts?

The school’s harsh punishments are ineffective behaviour management, and in this case, led to tears and anxiety about the situation, since they failed to give age appropriate education about misogyny.

Your nine year old son did not need harsh punishments so that he could learn to behave correctly.

The teacher could have explained , with age appropriate examples, why such a comment was offensive, and could have supported your son to learn many alternative responses that show respect to women and girls.

ReSsure your son with plenty of examples of how to show support to girls and how important it is to use respectful language to show respect. Tell DS that if he can provide examples of respectful replies in the same classroom situation, then he is on the right path.

It is great that the teacher got onto it quickly, but a less reactive and more proactive approach would more effectively teach the desired behaviour.

I disagree with comments above about MNers discussion about men. MN should always be a safe place for women to discuss the situations they find themselves in , and it is often appropriate to call it out that there are large groups of men behaving badly

Posts aren't always made about 'large groups of men' though. Often it's just 'men'

And are you equally happy for men to have spaces where they can generalise about 'women'? Or for people to have sage spaces to generalise about 'Muslims'?

If a nine year old can be severely punished for a negative generalisation about girls, are you okay with a 9 year old girl being severely punished for a negative generalisation about boys?

Some things dc should be learning at home before they become a problem in school. Parents have more responsibility to teach their individual child their values than the school does. I would be shocked and disappointed with myself that at 9 years old my child had no clue why this was inappropriate.

It is also probable at 9 they have already had some education on diversity and inclusion. So from learning at school and from home he should know enough to at least guess why comment was offensive once he was pulled up and punished. Are you really going to accept his plea of absolute ignorance?

I would expect the punishment also reflected the tone, how public his comment was and his response when corrected by the teacher.

Seems like you don't either. He was putting girls down, in his mind they are less good at science. As a feminist I'd have though you could explain why this could cause upset.