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Original poster

‘Beaten by a girl’. How offensive is this?

160 replies

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 07:49

DS (9) came home in tears from school yesterday having been given the worst punishment the school has (goes on his record)for saying this in a science class to a male classmate after a dexterity experiment in which said classmate was ‘beaten by a girl’. DS still has no idea why he shouldn’t have said it.
I’m a feminist. DH is extremely supportive. If this was said to me I’d feel triumphant. I’m struggling with the harshness of the punishment and that DS obviously hasn’t been given an age appropriate explanation. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Holly60 · 17/09/2022 09:39

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 07:57

No, but he’s pretty competitive, so if he’d won (or lost 😂) he would have made a fuss.
he’s been severely punished for something and he doesn’t even know why.

'Haha you were beaten by a GIRL!'

I'd find that extremely offensive because:

  1. He was laughing and crowing at another child's failure
  2. The implication is that to be beaten by a girl you have to be really bad.

OP its terrible I'm afraid and you need to explain to him why it's a huge problem.

Holly60 · 17/09/2022 09:42

Also - the danger is that other boy will now decide that he can NEVER lose to a girl again. He will not be humiliated by the shame of letting a girl be stronger/smarter/quicker/funnier than him.

That is the opposite of what we need for our men.

PassMeThePineapple · 17/09/2022 09:42

What was the punishment that is the most severe they have? Exclusion?

Happylittlethoughts · 17/09/2022 09:42

Well you've got some work to do then! Start by explaining to your son how offensive this remark is. Then a longer term plan on how not to raise a son who thinks women are inferior.

Sniffypete · 17/09/2022 09:43

Trainfromredhill · 17/09/2022 07:57

No, but he’s pretty competitive, so if he’d won (or lost 😂) he would have made a fuss.
he’s been severely punished for something and he doesn’t even know why.

Well then you explain why!

Firstly, teach him that no one likes a sore loser, and that competition means that someone always loses.

Secondly, and most importantly, you teach him that what he said is incredibly chauvinistic and that he should show respect for females.

Johnnysgirl · 17/09/2022 09:48

If this was said to me I’d feel triumphant. What does this mean?
Do you really not have an issue with your son sneering at someone that they were "beaten by a girl"?!

Despairingof · 17/09/2022 09:51

@Trainfromredhill clearly you can’t have brought your son up to reflect your supposed feminism, if he has such an attitude about losing to a girl.

FreddyHG · 17/09/2022 09:52

In an activity where biology has an advantage then what he said is absolutely fine. He would expect to always beat the girl because as Mumsnet knows biology matters. If a man lost to a woman in let's say tennis then again that same phrase is acceptable. They should always beat the female because of biological advantage. So dexterity test maybe a bit borderline and not ok. Most sports definitely ok.

BadlydoneHelen · 17/09/2022 09:58

I think the teacher should have taken the opportunity for a teaching moment about sexism in an age appropriate way rather than issued a punishment

howaboutchocolate · 17/09/2022 10:00

They should always beat the female because of biological advantage.

No. On average the boys will outperform the boys but it also comes down to technical ability and practise and natural talent. I'm pretty sure Serena Williams would beat my DH at tennis.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 17/09/2022 10:01

Doesn’t sound like you understand why it’s offensive OP.

FreddyHG · 17/09/2022 10:03

Lol this is one of the things that Mumsnet ties itself in knots about. Refuses to accept women are weaker than men at sport yet opposes trans men partaking in women's sport. It knows biology enough to exclude trans men but not enough to suggest women's sport just isn't at the same level as men's. So being beaten by a girl/woman is something that really shouldn't happen to a male on average assuming similar age ect and no obvious mismatch.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/09/2022 10:03

I don't get the punishment angle. I think as the teacher I'd have said "and that's the way it is kid, girls are better" (kind of jokingly) and then had a gentle chat and asked him to articulate why what he said was wrong. Maybe a punishment could have been finding the names and discoveries of three female scientists or something.

Hoppinggreen · 17/09/2022 10:04

FreddyHG · 17/09/2022 10:03

Lol this is one of the things that Mumsnet ties itself in knots about. Refuses to accept women are weaker than men at sport yet opposes trans men partaking in women's sport. It knows biology enough to exclude trans men but not enough to suggest women's sport just isn't at the same level as men's. So being beaten by a girl/woman is something that really shouldn't happen to a male on average assuming similar age ect and no obvious mismatch.

It wasn’t sport though

FinallyHere · 17/09/2022 10:04

Strugglingtodomybest · 17/09/2022 07:55

I can't believe that you are a feminist and can't see why this is offensive.

This ^

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 17/09/2022 10:05

The thing is, by making fun of someone beaten by xxx, you are stating xxx less than you, so it's silly to lose against xxx.
If you cannot see what's wrong with that, then you need to think a bit more.

Johnnysgirl · 17/09/2022 10:05

FreddyHG · 17/09/2022 10:03

Lol this is one of the things that Mumsnet ties itself in knots about. Refuses to accept women are weaker than men at sport yet opposes trans men partaking in women's sport. It knows biology enough to exclude trans men but not enough to suggest women's sport just isn't at the same level as men's. So being beaten by a girl/woman is something that really shouldn't happen to a male on average assuming similar age ect and no obvious mismatch.

It was a dexterity experiment? I wouldn't have thought physical size/strength played a part?

YetAnotherSpartacus · 17/09/2022 10:05

It was a dexterity test by the way and traditionally females have been thought to be better than males in this aspect.

Motnight · 17/09/2022 10:05

Are you sure that you are a feminist Op 🤔

bellac11 · 17/09/2022 10:07

Whats a dexterity test and would a girl/female be better at it generally?

If so, then the comment makes sense

If not, then the comment doesnt make sense and as others have said it makes it look as if he thinks girls are rubbish or not as good as boys generally so it was an insult

But this is a 9 year old, it would have been much better (and is generally better overall for society) to help him understand what his comment meant (if it was an insult) and why that is not ok. All 'punishments' do is close the mind

Notjustabrunette · 17/09/2022 10:07

There was a post the other day about male swimmers lashing out at female swimmers when they swam past them at the pool. Try to make the connection between these two scenarios.

SoupDragon · 17/09/2022 10:08

Lol this is one of the things that Mumsnet ties itself in knots about. Refuses to accept women are weaker than men at sport

That simply isn't true at all.

LondonQueen · 17/09/2022 10:08

I don't think the harsh punishment is necessary, but an age appropriate explanation of his sexism from the teacher would have sufficed!

londonlass71 · 17/09/2022 10:09

Maybe you should explain it to him then instead of posting here and moaning why he doesn't understand.

Onceuponatimethen · 17/09/2022 10:10

I dislike this a) as a feminist because it implies girls are weaker and b) as the mother of a gentle and non-sporty boy who has been on the receiving end of this as a way to shame him for his lack of alpha masculinity. At 6!!!!