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Mum still in lockdown !!

269 replies

Kissingfrogs25 · 11/09/2022 18:20

I am getting so worried about my mum. She is in no way vulnerable, in good health and 72 years old, she lives with my dad, for context she smokes, but is a healthy weight no issues.

Mum has been in lockdown since early march 20 and has not been anywhere inside or outside since this date, she says she is too terrified she will die of covid. She has had all vaccines, its the only time she has been inside a building. She cuts her own hair, hasn't been to the dentist, doctor (will speak on phone if needed) in all that time.

She won't even eat a takeaway in case its contaminated

What on earth do I do? I managed to get her to call the dr, who put her on antidepressants and other medication, but this hasn't changed anything.

I have been meeting up with mum outside, but even then she looks nervous. My dad is not allowed to go anywhere either.

It is now getting colder, I didnt see her for eight months last winter because it was too cold to sit out. She won't even see her friends, the few she has left have to sit on a bench in the park.

Anyone else in this position? What can I do? The years are going by and I feel like I have lost my mum 😥

OP posts:
Waveifyouknowme · 11/09/2022 18:46

If it wasn't for the fact my parents are doing the same I wouldn't believe you.

Mine is driven by my father but it is exactly the same, still disinfect shopping, won't eat food that they haven't prepared (ie won't come round to the garden for a BBQ) given up everything they loved even outdoor activities like a walking group and they are not yet 70, not vulnerable.

No help but wanted you to know you are not alone.

MermaidEyes · 11/09/2022 19:05

My mum is similar. She will go to doctors or hospital appointments but very rarely anywhere else, occasionally I manage to get her out for a coffee as long as the coffee shop is quiet. I think at that age its a bit like being institutionalised - I'm not sure the genuine worry is always catching covid, it's just more about dealing with the outside world that can seem very scary when you've been 'locked up' for so long. And the longer they stay inside, the more the world moves on without them, the more frightening it seems.

MermaidEyes · 11/09/2022 19:06

Also, my mum is very wary about having some friends visit her, yet is happy for me and the kids to visit despite the fact they're probably the biggest risk being at school with 2000 other kids!

User129867588 · 11/09/2022 19:11

This is the saddest thread I’ve read in a long time. People have been brainwashed and scared shitless and it’s all thanks to the bloody media! It’s really just so sad and not a way to live - I’m sorry it’s happening to your mum 😞

Jumbojem · 11/09/2022 19:16

Oh this is so sad! My mother in law also hasn't left the house since covid. FIL took her to first vax appointment but it took him over an hour to get her out the front door to the car on the drive. All subsequent vax has been done at home by nurse visiting. It's not so much fear of covid for MIL as much as a the lack of moving about has affected her confidence mobility wise and she's aged considerably. FIL on the other hand is going here, there and everywhere as he's still very sprightly.
These lockdowns have had such an impact on the oldest and youngest in society.

VictoriaConcordiaCrescit · 11/09/2022 19:17

This is what the media have done to a section of our society

They've scared people so much that they won't venture from their own property

My mother was very anxious during covid and then her partner moved in and brainwashed her even more

Luckily she's now allowing me over to see her and will venture out but she's not 100%

It would be sad to think that people's parents live their final years like the above posters

The media will stop at nothing to sell a story

gatehouseoffleet · 11/09/2022 19:18

User129867588 · 11/09/2022 19:11

This is the saddest thread I’ve read in a long time. People have been brainwashed and scared shitless and it’s all thanks to the bloody media! It’s really just so sad and not a way to live - I’m sorry it’s happening to your mum 😞

I agree - this is terrible for the OP and the other posters who say their relatives are the same.

RaininSummer · 11/09/2022 19:34

I have also lost my mum in many ways to this fear. She never leaves the house now and I am have only been allowed in recently. Family members with young children are not allowed to visit unless they stay in the garden.

bellac11 · 11/09/2022 19:38

User129867588 · 11/09/2022 19:11

This is the saddest thread I’ve read in a long time. People have been brainwashed and scared shitless and it’s all thanks to the bloody media! It’s really just so sad and not a way to live - I’m sorry it’s happening to your mum 😞

Me too, Im quite shocked, but feel a bit naive as Im sure there are people living like this

I think the worst bit is OP your father is being effectively forced to be the same, does he feel the same and being sort of held hostage. What would happen if he just went out, would she just have to manage this or would it make her worse?

I dont have any helpful advice other than clearly there are others in the same situation

StopStartStop · 11/09/2022 19:41

My dad is similar, but 90. He's been out twice since lockdown - once to his brother's funeral and once to get his hair cut in advance of the funeral. I think he likes being looked after - I do his housework and shopping.

I'm affected in a small way... I used to go to concerts a lot but I don't want to go any more. All those people in one room, breathing germs. Urgh!

BCBird · 11/09/2022 19:46

I understand what your mom.is experiencing. I am 52, but feel like Covid has robbed me of my life.
I go to work but apart from.that shun interaction with others, even though I know that's what I want and need.
The thing is when you have got into this routine it is hard to get out. People refer to post pandemic but in my mind, and no doubt your mom's, it hasn't gone.
If I.meet with friends we all do a test. Could you do that? It might make your mom.feel a bit more secure.

Bluevelvetsofa · 11/09/2022 19:53

The anxiety took over the lives of lots of people, but when you’re older, you’re bound to feel that you’d be more likely to be very ill or die from covid.

The sad thing is, that in trying to prolong their lives, they’re actually reducing them. It’s no life to be isolated all the time.

EmmaH2022 · 11/09/2022 19:57

I'm really sorry to hear this OP
mum had some friends like this till about a month ago

they go out now but shout a lot about how angry they are that restrictions have gone

people mention media but all that was driven by govt and if your mum trusts them, then it's going to be hard to undo.

would it help to show her some stats or is she beyond that?

I know the daughter of mum's friends eventually told them "get busy living or get busy dying". She saw her parents through a window for two years plus.

Mariposista · 11/09/2022 20:07

I feel so so sorry for you. You are grieving the loss of your mum (and dad really), yet they are not dead. I can’t offer advice, just a handhold.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 11/09/2022 20:17

My parents in law are the same. Mid 70s. They won't see my dc because of fear of infection. We live 4 hours drive away. We sometimes drive to meet them for a flask of tea on their village green. Then drive home again.

DM - same age - started chemo in January, finished now, far better than she has been for years, and is living her life to the full!

Kissingfrogs25 · 11/09/2022 20:20

Thank you for all of your kind messages. I am sorry so many are suffering the same. It is so awful for them, and for us 😞

I can’t believe we are still in this position, she is too old to waste her last years, and yet I can’t get through to my mum. She saw those awful scenes of people in intensive care gasping and she’s never recovered.
I asked her if she would consider seeing us after the next jab but she didn’t answer, so that’s a no I think. only outside.

its very hard to continue any kind of relationship like this with mum. We are outside and can’t go anywhere or do anything. She wouldn’t even eat the cake I had made for her birthday - I could see her looking at it and she forced herself to eat a mouthful and put it away for ‘later’

i am at a loss

OP posts:
NoEffingWay · 11/09/2022 20:25

The fear I see on some peoples faces in shops, as they scuttle about wearing masks and gloves does not bring me joy jn any way.

The only thing, which is unpleasant, is to stop enabling this behaviour by not doing the shopping, and by being firm with the facts, but you might have to accept that she isn't going to change her mind anytime soon.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 11/09/2022 20:31

I personally know so many people like this. I last went inside my friends house pre covid. We chat for hours in the doorstep but she won’t let me inside. She comes in mine quickly. Another friend I haven’t seen, only text since covid. She isolated 100%. We text loads and I’ve waved at her windows. These are women in their 40’s. They are really worried still.

Kissingfrogs25 · 11/09/2022 20:32

I stopped doing the shopping and she now has it delivered. I used to have gifts delivered to cheer her up - but that’s slowed down as I don’t want to encourage it.

I was very ill with covid although not needing hospital treatment but I couldn’t catch my breath and couldn’t get out of bed for a week, I tried to cover it up but she found out via dh that I wasn’t great. I don’t think that helped

I tried to get a counsellor but she wouldn’t speak to them. The dr said she was getting depressed but couldn’t offer any further help.

I have resigned myself to having lost mum. I can’t reach her any longer

OP posts:
Kissingfrogs25 · 11/09/2022 20:36

DobbyTheHouseElk · 11/09/2022 20:31

I personally know so many people like this. I last went inside my friends house pre covid. We chat for hours in the doorstep but she won’t let me inside. She comes in mine quickly. Another friend I haven’t seen, only text since covid. She isolated 100%. We text loads and I’ve waved at her windows. These are women in their 40’s. They are really worried still.

Your message has really shocked me.
Healthy people in their 40s??!
It is making me cry thinking about all of these silent prisoners in their homes.

OP posts:
MermaidEyes · 11/09/2022 20:40

I think those who are able to stay isolated and away from people are feeding their own fears. Those of us who have to go to work or have kids mixing with hundreds of other kids every day have moved on and accepted life now with its risks, because we've had to

Xiaoxiong · 11/09/2022 20:47

I agree - my friends without kids and jobs that allowed them to WFH seemed to take far, far longer to come out of self-imposed lockdowns, insisting on masks and outdoor socialising for much longer. Whereas the DCs school managed to bring some kids back to school for a few weeks in June and July 2020 at the end of the first lockdown, all through the 2020-21 academic year apart from the second lockdown, etc. And after that any covid precautions seemed a bit academic as they were mixing with other kids daily.

I feel quite lucky my parents never stopped getting out and about during the pandemic, mainly driven by wanting to see new grandchildren. They did two weeks in a hotel quarantine in Asia, and they said even by the end of that they were feeling a bit institutionalised.

EmmaH2022 · 11/09/2022 20:47

OP "She saw those awful scenes of people in intensive care gasping and she’s never recovered."

once again, I wonder if tough love might help. I've seen more death than is right really, but I am puzzled what she thinks death is like with any other illness? I did find a lot of people had no idea what death can be like till they saw stuff like that on the TV.

It seems like there's no risk of spoiling the relationship more so maybe ask those questions?

Kissingfrogs25 · 11/09/2022 20:49

I don’t think the risks are that high for most of us. I have had covid 3 times now and it’s got much milder each time.
There is a value to a life well lived.

OP posts:
Bluebottl · 11/09/2022 20:50

I understand OP as sadly in a similar position. My parents live less than a mile from us and are not even 60 yet but haven’t seen us or my primary school aged children since pre pandemic. The way they behave is like my children are lepers and will make them drop down dead (perfectly healthy). It’s something I’ve struggled with and our relationship has completely broken down so now only talk every few months to thank for a birthday card or something. My daughter had to have counselling from school as only little and took it hard. It really is a pandemic of the mind😔

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