Mum still in lockdown !!

[Kissingfrogs25]

I am getting so worried about my mum. She is in no way vulnerable, in good health and 72 years old, she lives with my dad, for context she smokes, but is a healthy weight no issues.

Mum has been in lockdown since early march 20 and has not been anywhere inside or outside since this date, she says she is too terrified she will die of covid. She has had all vaccines, its the only time she has been inside a building. She cuts her own hair, hasn't been to the dentist, doctor (will speak on phone if needed) in all that time.

She won't even eat a takeaway in case its contaminated

What on earth do I do? I managed to get her to call the dr, who put her on antidepressants and other medication, but this hasn't changed anything.

I have been meeting up with mum outside, but even then she looks nervous. My dad is not allowed to go anywhere either.

It is now getting colder, I didnt see her for eight months last winter because it was too cold to sit out. She won't even see her friends, the few she has left have to sit on a bench in the park.

Anyone else in this position? What can I do? The years are going by and I feel like I have lost my mum 😥

It sounds like in a lot of these cases, understandable anxiety and rational thought and have been replaced by a phobia - which are very real overwhelming and debilitating - but are also uncontrollable and irrational

The only way through would be counselling or therapy

I have discussed actual fears with her. She said it’s the idea of dying alone with hazmat suited doctors and wires gasping.
i explained no one wears hazmats anymore in hospitals. We have excellent treatments and cures. But she doesn’t believe me.
I had an operation and took
photos of the lovely nurses as proof, mum just said it’s different on the covid ward.
I can’t ask her to sit outside from October to March can I? She will get a terrible chill, so I soon won’t be able to see her again. I dread the winter now.

No it's not. It was important for people to behave with utmost caution while little was known about Covid and there was no treatment and no cure.

We have now thankfully moved on but there will always be people who can't, due to anxiety or mentalhealthissues. That is unfortunate but it doesn't mean the media is responsible or that people who behaved recklessly or selfishly can somehow claim vindication.

Perhaps you can explain that current covid isn't as bad as previous strains. We only found out MiL had covid as she had to be admitted to hospital for a fall. She had absolutely no symptoms even though she's 91 and has both dementia and a heart condition.

She knows our latest covid was just a cold. I would ring her every day and explain how well I felt! But she thinks it’s going to kill her.
When it comes to it, I am too afraid to insist in case on the very rare off chance she is right. It’s her decision.

OP l feel your pain. My sister is the same. Haven't seen her for 2 years ...only phone calls.

She kept receiving the NHS letters saying to isolate.... she's still doing it now.

Nothing we (family) can do. She won't discuss it with us.

It's so bloody sad.

I do think that working all the way through it, on covid wards, with covid patients actually helped me and DP.

We were much more mentally able to cope with it, had the facts at hand and also know that the precautions were largely useless as most people wear masks on their chins. When they formally were got rid of, I felt less inclined to mutter under my breath about morons with chin wimples!

When I see people walking around with masks on (usually on their chins) I want to tell them they are being fearful for nothing, in the main.

I have just got off the phone to my Aunt, who declined a chance to meet up this weekend.
I haven't seen her since December 2019, and I am her closest living relative.
I suggested we sat in the communal garden of her flat, or I sat outside her French doors. She didn't think either 'would work'.
She is 83, though in good health. I am not sure I will ever see her again.
It's very sad, but she seems relatively happy...

Ahh this is so sad , an effect of the pandemic you don’t really hear about but thinking about it I bet there are many people like this

perhaps your mum could speak to the doctor about getting some counselling ( can be done over the phone )

It was actually really hard for me to start living again until after I got Covid (June this year). Things suddenly felt normal.

I really sympathise with her, but it’s so sad and I hope she can move on.

DHs aunt is like this. She has developed a bad back as her reason for not leaving the house but won't see the gp about it and gets very nervous about uncle going out. He's only allowed out for a very restricted range of activities She finally allowed families in (with masks) a few months ago. She is over 90 and terrified of either of them dying.

Wow this is a new kind of mental health illness isn’t it? Very worrying for you and so strange to imagine when other parts of society seem completely back to normal now (like the school I work in).
Too much fear, it’s disproportionate to the risk. But I don’t have the answer to how to stop the fear ...You have my sympathies

I have a friend who is behaving like this and causing me to worry so much about her. She's 42, single parent to two kids (aged 15 and 11), and was so scared of Covid she's lost all her friends except for me and it takes a huge amount of effort to ever see her. She lost her job during covid and is surviving off an inheritance, and reluctantly let's her kids go to school but otherwise they stay at home. No interaction with anyone but themselves. It's only very recently that she's started letting me in her house, and she and the kids are so starved of outside interaction it's like being in a house with housebound puppies. They're all healthy. I'm so worried about them but they're scared of Covid still.

lady I hope you manage to see your aunt and she allows visitors again.
Why can’t the gov run a campaign of some kind to explain why we are safer, what’s changed and how far we have moved on? A documentary or similar. All the stats. There must be so many people still locked away, or living a half life

Thanks for starting this thread op, it felt like it was only my parents. They are fairly young which makes it all the more baffling.

They have lost their relationship with the grandkids they used to be in and out of their house several times a week. Now it is only in the garden, 12ft apart.

I’m so sorry that no consideration was taken for the vulnerability if people young and old during and after lockdown. Very sad. Could you perhaps ask her gp to help? I. Hope she feels safe soon x

It definitely seems to be more of a mental health issue now almost like those people who become afraid to leave the house at all but she has a reason to excuse it.
It's not a rational thing now to be behaving as you describe and I would be worried there is more going on?
Would she go and see her GP and perhaps try something for extreme anxiety?
It doesn't sound like she's even listening to your examples of reassurance. I work in nursing care and there have been so many very frail elderly residents that have had Covid since being vaccinated and been fine after a few days. Probably 100 times more frail than you describe your DM.
It's not proportionate to the risk now can you get her to downgrade a bit by explaining that the risk level has changed?
Maybe if she could lower the drawbridge and do one thing like come to yours for a meal or go out to the shops she might slowly come round. Still be cautious/sensible but enjoy life too?

I’m sorry to everybody he has family still too scared to see them. It sounds like the initial relatively rational fear many people had of covid during lockdown has now developed into an irrational fear and mental health issue for a number of people. I have a friend whose Mum is still in a self-imposed lockdown and she is so worried about her but I had no idea it was so common. It does sound almost like a form of agoraphobia. A lot of phobias, intrusive thoughts and overwhelming worries/ anxious thoughts and behaviours initially start from something rational but then begin to take over to the point it’s not rational any more. It’s sad because I imagine these people will slip through the cracks in terms of receiving any mental health support because they are otherwise functioning day to day but it must be a sad way to live for those who don’t even feel able to see friends and family. I hope that awareness of this issue is raised and help available for those struggling to get back to ‘normal’ at some point in the near future.

@DobbyTheHouseElk I know someone in their late 40s who won't go in to other people's houses, still only meets people outside. She is not vulnerable in any way. I also know a couple in their late 70s who still leave their shopping for days after having it delivered they disinfect it etc...only venture out for hospital appointments. They haven't moved in at all. Very very sad.

OP I am sorry you are going through this with your mum.

This is so sad for those kids who should be socialising with their peers and living their best lives as teenagers. Back in 2020 as soon as some restrictions were lifted my kids were out with their friends, I felt they'd already lost so much in those few months.

this is all so sad to hear. it has gone way beyond rational and is now a version of agrophobia.

would it help to point out other elderly people who are out & about in the media - even Charles & Camilla - going to meetings and not wearing masks etc. Point out that the doctors would not let them do anything dangerous. If they can do it, so can your mum.

I don't blame the media, as prior to vaccines, it was really important people understood the gravity of it. The problem is that some have been unable to return to normal. I'm healthy, have never, to my knowledge, had covid but it took me a while to get back to normal and I still feel uncomfortable if I'm in a busy enclosed space. OP, I think you should really push for your mum to have counselling, she could have it online

@Wanttobeanastronaut does she acknowledge that her problem is anxiety rather than covid? I think I'd have to contact the kids school - that is so unfair and damaging for them.

For context I was absolutely petrified of covid for longer than most BUT I never restricted my kids more than the rules said I had to.

With respect, do you not understand how vaccines work and how they've given the rest of us our lives back? Why is it different for you? Be thankful you haven't children to get to school every day etc and aren't forced to carry on living.
Deep down you know it's perfectly safe to go back to pre-covid life....

Do you think perhaps she doesn't fully understand how vaccines work? Or could it be a form of OCD setting in? Or something similar to that? I see why you're concerned, this is worrying behaviour.
My Mum isn't the same since COVID and was ridiculously paranoid about it. She's never taken my child out anywhere (has her regularly at her house and will take her for a dog walk in an open space, but that's it!) and when asked why, she blames it on COVID, even though my child is almost 8! Anyway, she's not as bad as your Mum OP and I'd be inclined to speak to Adult Social Services and see if there's anything you can do to get her seen by a medical professional. Just to be on the safe side