At what age did your children become responsible for their own laundry?

[WhoWants2Know]

My kids are 14 and almost 13. Up until now, I have washed and dried all the clothes, folded them and put them on a separate shelf for each child to put away. Which they forget. Until I remind them, then nag them, and eventually lose my temper and shout about it.

This summer, the piles have grown, and the kids dig through them and drag everything about. Then they can't find their clothes and get angry at me because they can't find what they want to wear. (Which is generally exactly where I said it would be.)

After the millionth argument about "me losing their clothes" when it's my responsibility to do the laundry, I decided I didn't want to do all the work and also be yelled at for it. So I gave them each a laundry basket and a peg hanger for their small bits to dry on.

They feel like I'm being mean and making life difficult, but is it really that much to ask of teens? I asked at work and one of my colleagues said her 20 something child still brings laundry home for her to wash!

Mine are 5 and 11. We have household laundry. When they take off dirty clothes, they put them into the right basket in the bathroom (dark, light etc). I decide when to put a load on, although in practice this might mean asking the 11yo to do it. Usually I hang it up but sometimes ask one/both children to help. When it's dry, I fold it and generally put away the 5yo's and leave 11yo's on his bed for him to put away (occasionally I get 5yo to put hers away too, just to practise).

I hope to continue like this until they move out (but with increasing delegation of putting it on or hanging it up) - I don't think I'd find it helpful if someone else was using the washing machine when I wanted it! And as we don't have a drier or any outside space, that's not just about the 2hrs the machine is running, it's about the several hours thereafter where the racks are full.

I responded to this earlier and explained how we do laundry.

Why does it bother you so much? It's weird that you're insisting we're either wrong or lying.

I use a lots of clothes in a week, I own a lots of clothes and I hardly wear white. Happy?

Mine were 9 and 12. Before that, I would wash and dry and everyone was supposed to put away their stuff, but they always claimed that they didn't know I'd washed it and left the clean laundry sitting in the kitchen for days, so I got everyone to do their own instead. The children tend to do theirs together to make up a load, and DH and I mostly only only ever wear darks.

and many have said you need to have a lot of clothes for that to work. I agree with that. If washing everyone's stuff a load is always absolutely full.

Lots of people do own lots of clothes.
I work full time and exercise most days. I also socialise lots ...... it's so easy to make up a full ( yes full!) load in a week.

Laundry in our house is that there is a laundry bin on the landing and everyone puts their dirty clothes in it. I separate the clothes, wash, dry and iron (where appropriate) Then I put into piles and deliver to their rooms for them to put away.

The person that finds "the system" most confusing (even though the only requirement for anyone else is to simply place dirty clothes in the laundry basket) is DH!
Kids are 12 and 16.

We have laundry baskets in each bedroom. Both of my kids (12 & 16) are more than capable of putting a load of laundry on and pegging it out.

I wouldn't expect each person do do their own washing, as that just increases the number of washes being done and seems counterproductive, but I do expect them to take a turn to put a wash on, peg it out and put their own washing away. My eldest ironed all his school shirts at the weekend.

I do occassionally ask kids to put on the washing machine or peg out washing during the holidays when I am working and they are at home.

Laundry was something I really struggled to stay on top of when I first left home, because I was used to my sahm doing it all for me. I wish I had been given more responsibility at an early age, so dd started taking responsibility for this when she was around 10/11. I still helped her a lot in the beginning, e.g. taking it out of the machine to hang it up to dry when she forgot. I still do that occasionally now, but she sees it as her responsibility and I think that will help her in the longer term. I have adhd and struggle with this kind of thing; I'm pretty sure that dd has it too.

DH does his laundry and I do mine.

It isn't inefficient at all. With coloured clothes, we just wait until we have enough to do a whole load. If we want to do a whites load and haven't got enough, we ask each other and share. No big deal.

@brookstar I think it's that some posters have been saying that if teens don't do their own then you are their servant, they are 'unable' to do laundry, what will they do when they leave home (shock horror).

When DS leaves home he will need more clothes to fill a load, otherwise he is fully capable of just getting on with it.

I don't do separate loads but kids have been hanging out laundry, bringing it in since they were 9 or 10 as it is an easy task that can't really be messed up!

We have a laundry basket in each bedroom. DS has been putting his loads in since 13. I tended to hang it up. Only rule was always a full load, football kit was always dumped in the machine immediately so it got done. DH actually likes folding laundry so when we both worked FT he wanted that as one of his jobs. One of his very distant ancestors on the poor side of his family was a laundress and he always jokes it’s in his blood.

Once DD got to 10 she was told (although a little less directly),

Clothes not in the laundry hamper? Tough they don't get washed
Clothes not put away? You look for the item you want because I won't be. If it was where it was supposed to be you'd find it.

I always gave her a 10 minute warning before I put a wash on and whether she heeded it or not I would stick to it.

We won't be able to afford to run the machine the extra times. And tbh, even if we could, I wouldn't as it's bad for the planet.

My DC are capable of doing laundry (from the knowing how pov), but they know that mothing gets washed unless it's in a basket, and that clean clothes will be dumped just inside their bedroom door, and that it's totally up to them to keep order in their room.

Might doing that, rather than folding and putting on a shelf be a way ahead for you - the effort of taking upstairs is way less than folding and piling?

Personally I think teens should be doing their own laundry. I don't think it's necessarily good enough to say that they know how to use a washing machine so it doesn't matter if they don't actually do it.
It's more than knowing how to press that button . It's understanding the mental load side of it..... knowing it's something you have to keep on top of, that there are stages (sorting, washing, drying,putting away) and knowing that if you need something to be clean you need to plan for that.

It's good to get into the habit early. That's my thoughts anyway..... and it was my Mil's too. DH has been doing his own washing since he was 14. I don't think he'd let me near it even if I wanted to!

@brookstar I don't see how it matters if they do washing for themselves and others, and other times others do some if theirs. Like cooking a night a week for a family rather than everyone cooking their own, or washing up and another dries rather than each doing their own. It's how I learnt and I left home perfectly able to know that I should put a wash on when I picked up my second last pair of pants.

That works as long as everyone genuinely pulls their weight.
I like it when people are given specific responsibility for tasks.... but that's how my brain works!

Totally agree with this. It was not the mechanics of using a washing machine that I struggled with as a young adult, but rather the organisational skills of keeping on top of my laundry and making sure that I had what I wanted to wear, when I wanted to wear it. That is something that I'm confident that dd will not struggle with when she flies the nest, because she has been doing it for years.

See, I learnt to not wear something I needed for another day, or else to wash it in time, as a teen living with my parents and doing communal washing. I'd put a load on if I needed something, gathering up clothes I could put in the same load from my parents and my siblings laundry to fill the machine.

You know it's okay for people to be different and do things differently yeah?
It's no big deal.

Absolutely, whatever works for them! You just get posters on these threads who think that all teens, not just their own teens, should do their own separate laundry, regardless of what works or doesn't work for other families.

Just trying to say you can achieve the same outcome (independent young adults) both ways

Same here. And that's what my kids do too. They don't just get to think about their own stuff.

If they need stuff washed they put a full load on. For us it's about teamwork.

Seeing as my teens are all excellent about waiting until their baskets are full at the end of each week, they all only do full washes. So no, that's not true.

Yes, of course.

I think there is a difference between "doing your own" {insert job of choice} and contributing to the household be doing some of the work.
I equate it to the fact my teens all used to cook one evening meal a week for the family. That makes sense to me. Each of them cooking their own evening meal, doesn't make sense to me. I think it is the same with washing.

When none of the dc were living here, and we were back to being just dh and I, then it takes a while to build up full loads. That is fine, because neither of us have occasion where we need to wear a certain set of clothes, so we can go a week or two weeks even before something comes back from the wash.

That didn't work for the dc though who needed school uniform for wearing each day....who needed their Scout shirt on Scout night..... who needed their football kit and training top on match day or their cricket whites for the match. It doesn't work if it is sitting in a basket waiting until there was a full load - and when there was, that none of the other family members were using the washing machine at that point. Then, of course they couldn't hang out washing at 10am like I could when I was at home.
That is why I think it is an inefficient use of resources - as in people's time, as much as energy cost.

I could put on a wash that might include 2 of each of the dcs' school jumpers, trousers, polos etc, but none of them had enough school jumpers to wait until they had 6 of each or whatever it takes to fill the machine.