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Original poster

Dh reacts so weirdly to gifts - I find it quite hurtful.

126 replies

Wisteriabloom · 22/08/2022 19:31

A few examples -

We have a mutual friend, Rob, (not his real name)! He's a talented artist, his work is fairly well-known locally. For dh's recent birthday I showed Rob a photo of the holiday home in Cornwall dh's family own. They've owned it since dh's childhood, and it holds special memories. I asked if Rob could paint it, for the normal price he'd charge a customer. He did! It's beautiful, so I got it framed and gave it to dh for his birthday present. When he opened it he just laughed, and said 'Oh is this one of Rob's?', and put it to one side. 🤔 He has at least put it on the wall, without me asking, so that's something but I was miffed at his total non-reaction.

Similar to a framed print (I don't always give pictures, these are the only times I've given them as presents, but I won't again)!! This print was tg

OP posts:
Original poster
Wisteriabloom · 22/08/2022 19:35

Sorry, got cut off! This print was the first verse of the song we had our first dance to (Silver Wedding present). He looked at it, chuckled and put it to one side. 🤔
I asked if he'd even realised what it was, he said 'Of course, I CAN read'! Said thank you, but didn't comment further.

He shows more enthusiasm for a box of his favourite beers, than a present that's had thought and money put into it!

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 22/08/2022 19:38

Mine is similar. Doesn't really comment. He's generally a bit lacking in charm mind you. Is yours the same - charmless - or just about gifts?

DinosaurOfFire · 22/08/2022 19:39

It sounds like he doesn't see artwork for your house as a gift he enjoys, have you thought about asking him what kind of thing he would like to recieve? My DH loves getting chocolate and whisky for example, whereas a piece of art he would not really care about but would see it as clutter.

SameToo · 22/08/2022 19:40

Maybe his idea of a good present is not your idea of a good present. My husband buys me clothes I don’t like or would ever wear and seems flummoxed when I’m not bowled over buy it. What I see is someone not knowing me at all reflected in a gift.

ParsleyPesto · 22/08/2022 19:42

I get that you are trying to be thoughtful but if he is happier with a box of beer then why not get him that? Gifts are for the recipient, not the giver.

ChaToilLeam · 22/08/2022 19:43

I have to be really honest and say that I don’t like it when people give me artworks or decorative things as gifts, if it’s something I wouldn’t have chosen for myself. Though I hope I could deal with it a bit more gracefully than your DH. I would much prefer a bottle of good whisky.

ShirleyPhallus · 22/08/2022 19:45

That second gift sounds absolutely hideous, I would much prefer a crate of beer than that.

Gifts are meant to be about the recipient.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/08/2022 19:45

Is he uncomfortable about feelings generally? It might be the items themselves or that they’re sentimental - not a bad thing at all! - and that makes him awkward.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 22/08/2022 19:47

Maybe that’s because he would rather have beer than a copy of the lyrics of your first dance?

He’s enthusiasm for the gift is because that’s what he wants and likes. The present is meant to be for him, not you!

GiltEdges · 22/08/2022 19:49

Some people just struggle with gifts. I absolutely hate receiving “thoughtful” gifts that people are obviously convinced I’ll love and want to watch me open. Invariably they aren’t to my taste and I have no ability to fake a favourable reaction, so the moment is always awkward for everyone involved. Give me a bottle of wine, some chocolates or a candle any day and I’ll be genuinely happy and grateful. If he likes beer, just stick to buying him beer in future.

Hbh17 · 22/08/2022 19:52

I think the song lyric gift would be something many of us would absolutely hate, so it would be difficult to show any enthusiasm. Are you sure you're giving your husband things HE likes, or are they actually more to your taste?

Johnnysgirl · 22/08/2022 19:52

To be honest, those gifts are something that were meaningful to you, not him. (I get the childhood home thing, but the sentiment; I mean).
I doubt Dh would appreciate either of those things over a box of beer, really.

Duettino · 22/08/2022 19:56

Do you find that mean only like gifts they can use? They sounds like lovely and thoughtful gift ideas that would be more appreciated by you. I hate buying the men in my life gifts as it has to be something practical they will use and not moan at me for the waste. My mum can get flowers and jewellery... or artwork and be ecstatic.

I don't know if that's a sweeping generalisation but it's definitely my experience.

Next time, ask him for ideas.

Duettino · 22/08/2022 19:56

Men not mean.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2022 19:56

He shows more enthusiasm for a box of his favourite beers, than a present that's had thought and money put into it!

You're making the mistake of buying presents for you, for him. He wants beer, but beer.

FWIW many people would hate the song lyrics present. I'd say the vast majority of people.

DurhamDurham · 22/08/2022 19:57

If he would prefer a box of beer then that's what you should get him. He obviously doesn't like 'sentimental' gifts.
I used to spend ages trying to think of thoughtful gifts then realised that what he actually wants and is always happy with is a box of Ferrero Roche and a bottle of port Smile

ClocksGoingBackwards · 22/08/2022 19:57

Those are sentimental type gifts, which can seem pointless to some people. It’s understandable.

Of he gets enthusiastic about a case of beer, buy him a case of beer!

Pinkdelight3 · 22/08/2022 20:01

You know who he is so get gifts for that person, not the person you'd prefer him to be. I bet it's awkward for him too, having to be pleased about getting things he's not fussed about instead of what you know he'd like and use. It's like you're making his gift about you being so thoughtful and being hurt he does love it. Easily avoided by getting him beers he'd like and be genuinely grateful for.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 22/08/2022 20:01

If you gave me either of those things, I wouldn't consider them much of a present. It's just a thing to look at on a wall, and another job for me to hang it up. I'd much rather a case of beers, they're something I'd actually enjoy, even if they're only transitory.

Point is, everyone likes different types of presents. Are you actually thinking about what he likes, or just buying stuff that you'd enjoy if you received it?

thecatsthecats · 22/08/2022 20:01

Tbh I find those "wedding gift by numbers" type gifts - lyrics, locations, readings etc to be very lazy and far from thoughtful. The only thought that seems to go into them is searching "personalised wedding gift" on Etsy.

I'd much prefer a consumable gift I could enjoy than something like that.

The painting is nicer, but if he didn't like the last framed gift then I wouldn't go for the same sort of thing again.

MiauzenKatzenjammer · 22/08/2022 20:02

Why not just ask him what he would like for his birthday?

GoneWithTheWine1 · 22/08/2022 20:03

Sounds like they are more your taste than his. Sorry to be blunt.

diddl · 22/08/2022 20:03

He's not acting weirdly!

The lyrics one sounds awful to me.

Why did you think he'd want a picture of his family's holiday home?

HeddaGarbled · 22/08/2022 20:04

You’re sentimental. He likes beer. Buy him something you know he’ll enjoy and stop with the soppy stuff.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 22/08/2022 20:05

Is there any sort of family weirdness in his background? My MIL had a very insecure childhood and developed a protective mechanism of doing favours and giving gifts in order to create an obligation, so that she could ask for a return favour in the future. My DH had a perfectly fine childhood but learned from his mother that things require a payback so when he receives something he instinctively minimises his appreciation of it because he fears that the better it is the bigger the payback it will require. He doesn't even realise he's doing it.