How would you react if your 16yo went to a cafe without asking first?

[Flamingoose]

16yo DD finished an exam unexpectedly early. No bus due for at least an hour. Pouring with rain. She spotted a friend in the same predicament and together they walked 10 mins to the shops, found a cafe and had a cuppa and a piece of cake.

When DD told me, my reaction was "How lovely! What a good idea. What cake did you have?!"

99% of mumsnetters would have the same reaction, surely?

But dd's friends parents have hit the roof. She should not have gone to the shops without permission. She's not allowed to go to a cafe by herself without adult supervision. It was dangerous and stupid and my dd is a bad influence, apparently? Again, they're 16. Not six.

Would any of you be even vaguely uncomfortable with this scenario? I'm genuinely trying to understand.

And to head off the obvious: No special needs, no illness, not a dangerous area, no cultural or religious reasons to consider, no prior history of bad decisions or reasons for friend to be so closely guarded. They're both rather nerdy, sporty, responsible, nice girls.

Every parent reacts and parents differently and although it does sound bizarre! I can sort of relate to this but it does seem a bit overdramatic.

My D has MH issues and is also 16. Done exactly the same thing in between her exams and went back to a friends. She texted me and updated me because of her past, she agreed to keep me in the loop.

I was just happy she was socialising with friends in between stressful exams.

Its not easy but eventually you have to learn to trust them otherwise when they eventually leave they will have no coping measures.

Maybe she is an only child, or first daughter and the parents haven’t learnt to build an open, honest relationship. To be honest I would rather my 16 went to the cafe with a friend than wait for the bus. It is important for them to have good relationships with others and become independent.

I know I’m from a different generation, but I had a Saturday job in a cafe aged 13 & a full time grown up job, with an hours commute into London aged 16! They seem a bit over protective & it’s unfair to say that about your daughter.

No I wouldn’t have an issue at all. My DD is 15 and has been going to the local shops/ McDonald’s etc since she was 11/12 with her friends on her own once she’d started high school. Goodness me some of these kids won’t know how to function in adult life

These are the children that end up lying and being secretive about where they are and who they are with and end up putting themselves in less than desirable scenarios. I've asked my children to tell me where they are and where they are going (obviously age appropriate times and locations) and I don't always like what I was told but I'd much rather know than them lie. So far as young adults they are very sensible, ask for help/advise when needed and possibly over share still 😂

Times have changed - I’d have been in the pub.

I was about that age as well when I was allowed to get on the bus into town and go to a cafe for lunch. The bus stop was outside my house and right outside the cafe both ways. I felt so grown up and little by little I’d be allowed to cross the roads to boots after my lunch or go round the corner to Woolworths.

That's crazy of them. Totally normal thing to do.

So they would rather she had stood outside in the pouring rain??? How stupid is that?? they are quite clearly controlling twats

Unless there is a huge back story they are batshit

Poor kid.

Here in Scotland, they could get married, so being fussed about going to a cafe sounds over the top to me

Some parents are very over protective, maybe something has happened in their family to be that way but I would think my dd’s were being kind.

Why, she is 16. That is very controlling.

I would have been proud of them and like you said thought it was a lovely thing to do. I feel sorry for the other girl they seem to be very controlling.

Batshit parents. And I would be angry if my daughter were branded a ‘ bad influence.’ CFs! As one poster suggested, it sounds like a cult.

I can't see the problem. It makes sense if there was a long wait for a bus, and it was raining. Nice for them too, as they had just finished an exam. The other parents sound like nutters.

I'd have been thrilled if my daughter had done that. I'd have gone on the pull in that hour when I was that age

Here in Edinburgh we have half day Fridays and schools kids from S1 and upwards (12) head into town with friends to do McDonald's, shopping etc. They all seem to have fun and manag. Builds confidence. Being so controlling at 16 is nuts. Some kids in Scotland can go to uni after 5th year at 17. This is insane to control a 16 like this. Maybe she hadn't had her birthday yet and could be nearly 17.

It’s a really concerning reaction to a perfectly sensible and safe step to make. What worries me is friends parents are undermining rational, safe and sensible thought for next time this wee soul is left on her own. I’m really glad ops daughter had the good sense to take them both somewhere safe and secure in public. Hope the friend takes her cue from clever daughter and keeps her self preservation hat on straight !

Witness Protection? (or batshit)

Some 16 year olds join the army. I was only just 17 when I did .
They sound bonkers

I moved out when I was 16...

I would respond to the messages suggesting that your dd is a bad influence by firmly requesting an apology. Your dd is both sensible and responsible and you resent the implication that she is not.

My 13yr old has been out with his friends every day of the summer holidays either to the gym/swimming or just to the town centre. He gets the bus as I'm usually working. I leave him money the night before and he texts me in the morning telling me where he's going

Crikey. Both myself and my sister worked and moved out at 16. That was my dad's rule!