Feeling cheeky asking boyfriend for half for bills?

[louloubellavv]

I have lived in my flat (private rent not bought ) for 5 years.
After dating my boyfriend for a year he moved in on Sunday.
I don't know how to approach the bill situation.
Ask how much he will be contributing
I'm lucky my rent is only £400 for 2 bed and at the min my gas /electric is £100
So £500 I'm paying for bills
(Not including CT )
So if we were to go half's £250 each ...it would be such a massive help.
How do I bring it up?
He hasn't mentioned it?
All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

I know I'm stupid but feel a bit cheeky bringing money up.
I'm independent and can manage my own money -so I feel like I'm asking for a hand out

The red flag here, hun, is that your communication with him is stunted. That is not in any way a good foundation for a partnership. Finances are basic partner conversations.

You need to up your communication to know whether this will work, surely.

You need to talk to him now so he can set up a standing order and change his plans if he doesn't want to pay half of bills.
You need to tell him that you want half of bills rather half of what you pay now because gas/electric is going up on 1st Oct and utilities like water will increase because twice as many showers etc Don't forget that you're losing your 25% council tax discount as well so he should pay half of that too.

I agree you need to add up every cost and half it and then add some on for extras - replacements etc or even holidays.

He should also pay his own car insurance, tax, petrol, nights out etc.

Do not be out of pocket for this!

Then I would set up your own savings account and save the difference for a rainy day.

was his £650 bills and rent? If so he’s still better off.

He should pay half of all the bills or move back out. If you're sitting there hoping he'll decide to pay instead of having a proper conversation on finances, you're not ready to move in together. You're asking for a cocklodger.

Your bills are going to go up as well - he should pay half of the rent utilites and CT

Why wouldnt he

If he’s in any way reluctant to pay 50% then you’d be mad to continue this relationship.

So much this. This is why women are fucked over - because they feel bad about asking for reasonable things in relationships.

Cleaning rota, too
Clothes washing rota
Wear and tear on the home - he should be expected to pay for replacements and freshen ups

I feel sorry for you, you’re going into this blind.
Unless he’s a young man of excellent character, he’s going to do what you tell him you expect, which at the moment stands at…… nothing.

Look on this as a growing and developing moment for yourself. I think you might also find he would be impressed and respect you all the more.

Don’t be afraid, this is your right.

You need to bring this up today, he's under the impression he's moved in for free

Yup
he Pays up this week or he moves out
dont be getting pregnant by this chancer either

In is now both your home. He is not a guest.

Set it up properly, like adults.

Please sort it out ASAP - He will still be saving some money & so will you - sharing is cheaper than each paying the whole lot each

It’s a learning curve, we all have to start somewhere. If she hasn’t been taught by her parents, she’s at a disadvantage… but she can listen and learn and make quick progress.

I wish I had Mumsnet as a youngster cohabiting with someone for the first time. I learned through trial and error.

Expecting the best of people without any input sounds like a nice thing to do, OP… but doesn’t actually work in reality. Input is required when dealing with other human beings p, even those we love. Ultimately, that’s what keeps the relationship healthy.

Just because you could afford it before doesn’t mean he moves in for free.

Your bills will be going up because he is moving in plus full council tax plus energy bills and food costs are going up for everyone.

His comment about how much better off he will be suggests he does not think he will be contributing.

Sit down and work out what you've lost by him moving in, and consider your current bills and how he'll affect them. He pays half. Anything else is unreasonable.

I think very little of him for not bringing this up tbh. If I were to move in with my partner, the first thing I'd want to talk about is how much I will contribute, so that they're not out of pocket. Why isn't he thinking like this? I'm not impressed. He seems quite happy to be a cocklodger.

Why on earth have you let him move in without first discussing this?!

Make a list of your bills. This includes EVERYTHING. Rent, utilities, council tax (you're losing your single person discount, he is responsible for that so he needs to pay half) and anything else.

Look at your bank account and make a list from there of everything you pay and tell him he needs to give you half on pay day EVERY SINGLE MONTH.

He should've really given you half on moving day too.

Don't let this guy take you for a ride, he needs to pay his share x

Don't hope. You are both being passive and the longer you leave it the more the resentment grows. Just say, hey, can we sit down and make an actual plan on paper for how we are going to manage the financial aspects of living together. I want to get this all figured out before pay days and bill dates etc. Then sit down and figure it out and put it all on paper.

Good point re tv licence @stuntbubbles. And yes of course food and home maintenance/cleaning stuff. And a fair division of labour.

There should have been a lot of discussion about these things before moving in together.

Id bring it up now.
Josh say "I'll send you my bank details today just so you can set up a direct debit. The rent goes out on X date so are you ok to set up the direct debit for 1st of the month? And then we'll just go halves on the food shopping?"

Don't leave it and hope he's going to give it to you.

It would also be very weird (and extremely cheeky) if he thought that he wouldn't need to pay anything and that he'd just save all his money.

You can't expect him to read your mind. He should know what's fair, but you need to protect your financial situation as well.

Half of everything each, but don't just let the excess you save from sharing be regarded as "spare" just yet. Put it into individual savings instead to protect you both for the first few months.

You feel cheeky asking for a grown man, to pay for his half of his own keep?

He doesn't feel cheeky, trying to move in for free and mooch off you.

Wow, this has disaster written all over it.

Draw up a spreadsheet listing ALL bills, plus food bill. Divide by 2. Ask for a transfer every pay day. If you don't do this, you are a total MUG.

Presumably you are shagging him OP? Yet you are too anxious to bring up the subject of money?

I despair, honestly.

Write a list of outgoings. Divide by 2 but remember some of your bills will go up because there are now 2 of you living there. then, no need for a discussion, say “here are my bank details, thought it would be easier if you pay me monthly by standing order”.
You will both know where you stand and can have a discussion then.

I despair of women who are presumably happy for men to be well acquainted with their vagina but can’t possibly talk to them about money?!

Why did he move in such a hurry on Sunday that you couldn’t discuss finances first?!

You shouldn't be 'asking' him for half the bills, that implies payment is optional. There's nothing to discuss. He lives there and he's responsible for half the bills or fucks off and sponges off someone else.