Feeling cheeky asking boyfriend for half for bills?

[louloubellavv]

I have lived in my flat (private rent not bought ) for 5 years.
After dating my boyfriend for a year he moved in on Sunday.
I don't know how to approach the bill situation.
Ask how much he will be contributing
I'm lucky my rent is only £400 for 2 bed and at the min my gas /electric is £100
So £500 I'm paying for bills
(Not including CT )
So if we were to go half's £250 each ...it would be such a massive help.
How do I bring it up?
He hasn't mentioned it?
All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

I know I'm stupid but feel a bit cheeky bringing money up.
I'm independent and can manage my own money -so I feel like I'm asking for a hand out

BTW I don't really agree with 'half' of everything line - you should pay equally so that you both end up with the same amount at the end of the day -

Say you earn 100 a month and he earns 150 a month and all your bills are 100 a month - if you each pay 50 - you end up with 50 to spend and he ends up with 100

Whereas i you split it so you paid the 25 and he paid the 75 - you both end up with 75 spends - which creates a more equal footing

If he is saving ^650 - a month - he can definitely afford to pay more than £250 - demand better!

Should have been discussed before he moved in. If you can't discuss something simple like finances, I don't think you should be living together really. Just tell him the total bills are £500 so he will be owing £250 on the first of every month

This

I would just ask this exact question.

are you thinking of setting up a SO with the bank for your half? Here are my bank details x

Yes get him to set up a monthly direct debit as soon as you have added everything up - remember your energy, water bills and so on will also go up due to increased usage.

Immediately bring up the subject of bills and how much he will pay. You should have agreed this before he moved in! with energy prices about to go through the roof you will need all the help you can get. Get your bills out...show them to him and say I am happy with you paying half of all the bills we get, deal? and see what happens...if he looks shocked and says I thought you would be paying for it all...show him the door.

Good he's acknowledged he has to pay

Go through your bank statements and work out all your bills. You privately rent so he should pay half of everything as he's living there too now and all your bills will go up

• half of rent
• council tax -half
• half of water rates
• half of gas and electric
• half of TV licence and now TV or whatever streaming service you have
• half of broadband service
• half of food and cleaning product bills including loo roll! (don't forget toiletries if he starts using yours, and soap)
• half of landline rental if that's needed for broadband

-half of window cleaners and other services

He pays you monthly for all the bills are presumably they'll be in your name. Don't let him have utility bills in his name at your flat- not at this stage
Insurance for your belongings is yours to pay
He will have to sort his own
Don't put him on tenancy - keep it in your name if you can

• mobile phones are paid by each person

Have you asked your land lord if he is allowed to stay permanently? He should be vetted and he should be on the council tax but this then means he is on the tenancy agreement which you might not want. If the LL finds out you have someone else living there without their permission, your tenancy agreement could be cancelled.

I think you need to set the scene for how it will be now or you will end up footing the bill permanently. You are his girlfriend not his mum! Write down all bills included rent, water, CT, elect/gas, internet, etc. Send him a text or email or just give him a piece of paper saying you thought it would be helpful and allow him to plan if you broke down the bills for him. I’m assuming you will no longer get single person occupancy discount for CT plus utility costs will go up as he will be using extra water, electric etc. He needs to pay his fair share from day one. Bite the bullet now or you will foot the total bill, trust me I have been there and it just causes resentment.

A friend's daughter was in this situation, the BF was earning over £600p/w and contributing nothing, he was studying p/t and enjoyed warm comfortable accommodation and didn't think it was up to him to do anything in the house either, except cook from time to time; he thought his presence more than made up for not contributing. It was so obvious he was using her.

As she was receiving housing benefit on the basis of low income, I pointed out to her parents that she was the one who would be in trouble if it was discovered she was cohabiting. At that point, they intervened and spoke to him about contributing. He wasn't happy but put his hand in his pocket.

Needless to say, he left her once he had completed his studies.

I'm with @anglesee and came to say the same. I think you need a joint account where you both pay the same amount each and bills are paid from there.

So he's been there a week - how much cleaning and tidying has he done? And how many loads of washing?

Say let’s set up the direct debit for your half of the bills NOW!

Greensmoothie1 - you need to read the post again as nothing you have said ties in with the original comments.

Has anyone suggested that you can't say "it's only £xx?". Ok so broadband is "only" £25. So he shouldn't be bothered by paying "only" £12.50 towards it. Add up all the other "onlys" and you may well be talking about a couple hundred ££.

I agree with @watingroom2 . It’s not quite as simple as 50-50 unless you both literally earn the exact same amount. Nonetheless the split should be fair, e.g. 60-40.

He doesn't work out the amount- you put down all the expenses and tell him the amount.

How have you let him move in without having this conversation?

Quite likely for your bills to go up now, so be ready to set an amount that won't leave you out of pocket. Some men use a lot more electricity, food and water than you would think. Review it with meter readings in a couple of months time.

Definitely don't put his name on any of the utility bills. People can use them as proof of address to get loans and subscriptions. You really don't need the hassle of having your address associated with any decisions he might make like that.

His moving in will affect your credit rating, so make sure he's not linking your name to his debts by sharing addresses.

Also clear it with your landlord, but obviously don't add him to the tenancy.

@Redebs
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Shouldn't this have been brought up before he moved in? Sounds like he wants a free ride the way this has been worded.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm laughing so much at that

Please have this conversation now. Do not wait and hope that your partner will transfer on payday...im sorry to say chances are that wont happen. Asking for half is completely fair. Please sit down and have an adult conversation aroubd the bills and costs of living together.

In a short relationship? They've only been together a year and just moving in. That's nowhere near the stage where you're committing for life and need to be combining finances.

If person A earns £70k and person B earns £25k, they've been dating 12 months and move in together, why on earth should person A subsidise person B? They aren't benefitting from the setup whatsoever in financial terms. There's no children, no shared assets. They are simply expected to hand over their cash to a short-term partner?

I agree with equal disposable income within a committed and long-standing relationship where finances are properly combined because you are building a life together with shared future goals etc but it's absolutely insane to advise a young woman to financially subsidise her boyfriend of 1 year simply because she may earn more. It's her money!

So @louloubellavv how did the chat go?