Page 2 | Feeling cheeky asking boyfriend for half for bills?

Thestagshead · 19/08/2022 10:12

Do you not have things like sky council tax etc.? Work out thr full half and just say how do you wish to handle this will you transfer it on pay day?

HollowTalk · 19/08/2022 10:13

Exactly what everyone else says.

If you are too nervous to speak to him about it then send him a text saying, "Can you set up a direct debit for £250 to go out on pay-day? The electricity/gas will go up soon but that's what it is for now. I'll let you know when it goes up."

Otherwise, work on your assertiveness and your boundaries.

Tlolljs · 19/08/2022 10:13

Bet he doesn’t do housework either does he?

Greengreengrassbluebluesky · 19/08/2022 10:13

Don’t tell him the £250 is a bonus! He needs to pay his way.

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 10:13

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:10

Well we discussed the food shop and said £100 each and we will grab bits along the month.
My broadband is only £25 so I'm not too bothered plus I had enough money before he moved in so the £250 is a bonus.
Obviously I've lost my single person discount so will actually half that

£100 a month for food for one person? What does he eat - dust and crackers?

Charles11 · 19/08/2022 10:13

Just bring it up as soon as possible.
You could say something along the lines of "In the excitement of moving in together, we didn't get a chance to discuss bills. We can split them straight down the middle"

Wherearemyspex · 19/08/2022 10:13

As everyone else has said, pass him your bank details (today!!) and tell him his share is £250 month.

And while you're at it discuss and decide how the rest of the household expenses and chores will be shared .... so, food, domestic stuff like loo rolls and washing powder, insurance, WiFi etc, and here is a list of the household stuff which will be your job from now on.

Please do not leave this for a month .... do it now.

Greengreengrassbluebluesky · 19/08/2022 10:14

Remind him how much energy bills will be going up.

lilroo87 · 19/08/2022 10:14

Wow, definitely should have been a conversation before he moved in.
Also, don't forget to change your council tax if you were paying single person occupancy as this will no longer be valid.
I wouldn't assume he will transfer you the money based on his statement of how much he'll be saving each month.
You should have the conversation with him ASAP rather than waiting any longer

TheFlis12345 · 19/08/2022 10:14

Why are you hoping?! He’s a grown man, he either pays his way or he moves out. End of conversation.

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 10:15

250 is nothing!!!

seriously what happens if you have kids? What will he pay then or will you still get a standing order for 250 a month

if he’s 100% staying around then some bills can be put in his name too

Original poster

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:15

No I don't have sky just my firestick with now tv (I forgot about the now tv)
I'm gonna have to sit down and think of everything-I keep forgetting things
I've never lived with anyone before so it's all new to me.

OP posts:

Hoolahulahoop · 19/08/2022 10:15

Sort this straight away. Dh moved in with me and only paid half of the bills and food. But my workload increased and fooodbill. Now it's fine as he saved it all and we paid a lot in cash for a forever home. I wouldn't leave this go on especially as you are only dating.

Robin233 · 19/08/2022 10:15

So he moved in for convenience?
Tenency ended.
So not because you're planning a future?
Doesn't sound very romantic.
You've just become his mother.
Joking aside - if you can't discuss the fundamental like money it doesn't bode very well for the future.

Goosygandy · 19/08/2022 10:15

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:02

I have lived in my flat (private rent not bought ) for 5 years.
After dating my boyfriend for a year he moved in on Sunday.
I don't know how to approach the bill situation.
Ask how much he will be contributing
I'm lucky my rent is only £400 for 2 bed and at the min my gas /electric is £100
So £500 I'm paying for bills
(Not including CT )
So if we were to go half's £250 each ...it would be such a massive help.
How do I bring it up?
He hasn't mentioned it?
All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

I know I'm stupid but feel a bit cheeky bringing money up.
I'm independent and can manage my own money -so I feel like I'm asking for a hand out

Seriously you should not have to brace yourself to have this conversation after a year of dating. Either your relationship should be strong enough to do it or he should be a better boyfriend that he wouldn't get arsey about you making such a reasonable request. I'm not sure which is the problem of the two things. Either way you need to sort it if you're going to live together.

You should not be subsiding another adult long term if you're living together and both working and there are no children involved.

Maybe you need to work on your assertiveness or have some therapy.

TooHotToTangoToo · 19/08/2022 10:15

What about:

Tv licence
Broadband
Water
Council tax
Contents insurance
Gas
Elec

The list goes on. I don't know anywhere you can pay all your bills for £100 a month.

It doesn't matter if you can afford it, he's moved in with you, it's HIS responsibility to contribute financially - if he thinks he doesn't need to, I'd strongly recommend you have a good think about the type of person, that would let the person he says he loves, to be solely responsible for providing financially stability.

He is not a child and you are not his mother

Lotsofthings · 19/08/2022 10:16

I would suggest setting up a joint account and both paying £300 or a bit more in for all bills and food, even the odd ones like broadband, it just makes it easier and less hassle and always fair.

DottyLittleRainbow · 19/08/2022 10:16

Just work out half of rent and bills and tell him that’s what you need, get him to set up a standing order. If he can’t do this then he needs to find another rental for himself. You should have discussed this before he moved in.

bloodyunicorns · 19/08/2022 10:16

Oh, op, he is completely taking the piss. Why does he think he should get to live for free while you pay all his bills?? Why??

You should have had this conversation long ago.

You need to be much more assertive.

Crazymadchickenlady · 19/08/2022 10:16

Yes have a conversation tonight! It’s not a good sign for the future that your feeling cheeky about asking him! Make sure he pays half of everything including council tax, insurance, tv license, water bill etc etc!

Justmuddlingalong · 19/08/2022 10:17

If there's any reticence on his part about paying his share, tell him to look for another rental. If things start off with him taking the piss, it will only get worse. Just out of interest, how did the him moving in conversation come about?

StClare101 · 19/08/2022 10:18

Tell him today. Don’t ask. “Ok your share for this month is X. It’ll go up as energy prices go up”.

If he hesitates AT ALL you need to simply say “you can’t possibly think I’m going to pay your living expenses” and then tell him to leave.

It will save you years of heartache.

And for gods sake grow a backbone before you decide to live with anyone else!

SnoozyLucy7 · 19/08/2022 10:19

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:05

I did tell him how much my bills are before he moved in.
So I'm hoping payday he just gives me the half.
If not I will tell him we need to sit down and work it out.
I was gonna suggest a regular monthly payment so day after pay day it just transfers to me

I don’t understand. What do you need to work out? He’s moved in. There are 2 of you living there, using the flat, gas, electric, tv etc, equally. Therefore he should be paying half of everything?

hugefanofcheese · 19/08/2022 10:19

Come on, you can have this conversation. Half of everything. Rent, council tax, energy, broadband, water, contents insurance, TV if he will be using it. If he balks then reconsider the arrangement. Why on earth would it be assumed that you'd subsidise a grown man?

He probably doesn't expect to pay nothing or very little- he is right in that even paying half of all this, he would see a fair bit of change from 650. Just make clear what he needs to contribute and when.

lemmein · 19/08/2022 10:20

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:10

Well we discussed the food shop and said £100 each and we will grab bits along the month.
My broadband is only £25 so I'm not too bothered plus I had enough money before he moved in so the £250 is a bonus.
Obviously I've lost my single person discount so will actually half that

It's not about being bothered, it's about not having the piss took out of you - even if you were a zillionaire id suggest you don't let people live off you for nothing. I'd insist on 50% on everything, rent, c/t, insurances, water, broadband, groceries, etc.

Seriously, you're not being cheeky - and I promise you, if you don't raise it he never will. If you don't address this you'll 'get' bothered quite quickly when you feel like you're getting mugged every month. Nothing kills a relationship faster than resentment!