Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Feeling cheeky asking boyfriend for half for bills?

301 replies

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:02

I have lived in my flat (private rent not bought ) for 5 years.
After dating my boyfriend for a year he moved in on Sunday.
I don't know how to approach the bill situation.
Ask how much he will be contributing
I'm lucky my rent is only £400 for 2 bed and at the min my gas /electric is £100
So £500 I'm paying for bills
(Not including CT )
So if we were to go half's £250 each ...it would be such a massive help.
How do I bring it up?
He hasn't mentioned it?
All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

I know I'm stupid but feel a bit cheeky bringing money up.
I'm independent and can manage my own money -so I feel like I'm asking for a hand out

OP posts:
RaRaRaspoutine · 19/08/2022 12:45

You've got yourself an immature cocklodger, sorry to say. Shape up or ship out (him, that is).

Zone2NorthLondon · 19/08/2022 12:45

@louloubellavv do check your not in breach of lease moving him in
and it’s at least £325. Factor in the loss of single person CT cost

CoffeeBeansGalore · 19/08/2022 12:45

Well done Op. Stick to your guns. It's your self respect as well as your bank balance that should not suffer.

howdidigethere · 19/08/2022 12:47

It should be half of practically everything it costs to live there. Work out all your outgoings. For him not to offer is a bad sign. You have been daft. Do not take any nonsense off him along the lines of "you would have been paying that anyway" as your running costs will go up with him there and as a matter of principle he should pay his way. On no account put him on your tenancy agreement!

ChocolateCustom632 · 19/08/2022 12:47

You should have discussed money before he moved in

Minimum to pay
Half of council tax & other bills
He buys some food

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 12:47

Excellent news

mayne put some of the bills in his name so he can’t like, borrow the money back from you or get it back another way

maybe I’m just being untrusting and paranoid tho

DoubleGauze · 19/08/2022 12:49

Don't forget to list all joint costs op. And if your bills end up being much higher than your estimates you must tell him.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/08/2022 12:49

And as you've never lived with someone before, don't be falling into the trap of the shopping, cooking and cleaning being your responsibility. We leave that mindset behind in the Wendy house at nursery.

RampantIvy · 19/08/2022 12:53

And if he refuses to go halves with you he can find soewhere else to live.

purplemunkey · 19/08/2022 12:54

As you're renting it should be a straight 50/50 I'd imagine! Might have been a bit more tricky if you owned as he'd be paying your mortgage. If he pays half rent and bills that means you both get to save more.

But yes, as others have said it was really silly not to discuss this before he moved in. Hopefully this is just a miscommunication and he was planning on paying half all along (which will still be much less that he was paying before), but if not - you'll need to be firm that he either does that or finds somewhere else to live.

RooniIWazlib · 19/08/2022 12:55

The fact he hasn't brought bills up himself to let you know what he'll be contributing doesn't bode well for the future.

Spacerader · 19/08/2022 12:56

If he isn't willing to pay half of everything then he shouldn't move in. It also doesn't matter that you were paying it any way, if he benefits from it he shares the cost. It is reasonable to ask him to pay half or split the cost based of your earnings. So a 40/60 split for example depending who earns more.

But include everything water, energy, TV, Internet. And 100 is not enough to cover food and household stuff for a month. It will cost more than 25£ a week for food and supplies.

CJsGoldfish · 19/08/2022 12:57

This is a conversation you should have had before he moved in but I guess you know that by now.
If you were this hesitant about it all are you also likely to back down if he doesn't think it's 'fair'? I mean, the fact that HE didn't bring it up doesn't bode well so I do hope you aren't persuaded that he shouldn't have to pay his fair share?

Hesaliability · 19/08/2022 12:59

All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

This was the perfect time to say ‘but you will be paying half the bills when you move in with me’.
I’m glad you are discussing it later but it really should have been done before he moved in. What will happen if he doesn’t hand over his share or frequently says he’s short this month?

Theredjellybean · 19/08/2022 13:02

Rent
Water
Energy
Council tax
Broardband
Subscriptions... TV etc
TV licence
Content insurance
Landline phone?
Any regular payments for shared things such as veg box.

Basically anything that he will use, benefit from, etc.

Stop seeing it as "well I can or did afford all this before so I shouldn't ask him to pay"
You now share a household, he is not your guest... He is equal partner in the household, and you pay half each

Piggieinthemiddle · 19/08/2022 13:02

I feel like the OP's boyfriend is getting a bad rap here. He moved in less than a week ago, and OP has not said anything to indicate he is not expecting to pay half the rent and bills. He has possibly/probably (like a normal person) assumed that he will pay at the end/beginning of the month and is waiting for OP to give him the numbers. That said, I agree it's weird that (a) the cost was not discussed before he moved in and (b) the OP feels cheeky telling her boyfriend what it costs.

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 13:05

Piggieinthemiddle · 19/08/2022 13:02

I feel like the OP's boyfriend is getting a bad rap here. He moved in less than a week ago, and OP has not said anything to indicate he is not expecting to pay half the rent and bills. He has possibly/probably (like a normal person) assumed that he will pay at the end/beginning of the month and is waiting for OP to give him the numbers. That said, I agree it's weird that (a) the cost was not discussed before he moved in and (b) the OP feels cheeky telling her boyfriend what it costs.

Bad rep?
why didn’t he transfer the money in advance, why hasn’t he brought up the subject, why is the poster anxious about it

the answer the all of the above is because he thought he was onto a winner
did he move in on Sunday with a bag full of food supplies? Not that we can tell. Has he attempted to make an arrangement to pay for anything without it being brought up? No. He sounds like a jerk.

LadyDanburysHat · 19/08/2022 13:05

Piggieinthemiddle · 19/08/2022 13:02

I feel like the OP's boyfriend is getting a bad rap here. He moved in less than a week ago, and OP has not said anything to indicate he is not expecting to pay half the rent and bills. He has possibly/probably (like a normal person) assumed that he will pay at the end/beginning of the month and is waiting for OP to give him the numbers. That said, I agree it's weird that (a) the cost was not discussed before he moved in and (b) the OP feels cheeky telling her boyfriend what it costs.

This is true, he could be waiting for her to tell him. But, equally he could have said, please let me know how much half of the bills comes to.

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 13:05

OP
You should not have considered moving in with someone you cannot be absolute clear about money with.

You are asking to be taken advantage of.

He should be offering and pushing money on you to pay his share.

If not, you have moved a waster into your home.

Do not put him on the tenancy.
Mind home and independence.

You have a good deal, protect it.

Someone going on about how much they will safe is a bit of a red flag already.

How long are you together?

Is he very very good at paying his share?

If he is even the tiniest bit tight, you have made a mistake.

Be careful.
Protect yourself and your home.
He should be saving YOU money, NOT the other way round.

If YOU are not saving money, then you are being used.

Lots of men use women this way.

Do not be a mug.

The fact you feel cheeky mentioning it, means YOUR boundaries are not great and you are vulnerable.

Search Cocklodger on MN and read the many many tales of women who were used.

Drivebye · 19/08/2022 13:06

My first thought is that he is not a good person if he hasn't raised this - after all he is moving in with you having already lived in a rental so he knows the costs.

You need a much more formal arrangement than you hoping he gives you some money each month when he gets paid. What are you going to say when he says 'don't have it this month babe, going on a boys weekend away/to the fort all/whatever.

I would be saying this evening that you've thought about finances and what has he come up with. If he doesn't engage in conversation about it then just give him your bank details and an amount.

On another note, none of my business but am interested, what have you discussed re housework/cooking/laundry or does he think he's won the lottery there too? Pls do not fall into the 'but I was putting a wash on anyway' trap!

IncompleteSenten · 19/08/2022 13:08

Don't wait till payday.

Your half of the bills will be £X.
Do you want my bank details so you can set up a standing order?

Don't ask.
Address it as simple fact that he will be contributing equally to the home he lives in.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 19/08/2022 13:09

I completely agree with PP The only thing I'd add is Do not add him to the tenancy

Chocolatesandroses · 19/08/2022 13:17

This is something you should have spoken about before he moved in , yes it feels awkward but his your partner. Don’t wait for payday for him to give it to you because he’s not going too because he’s clearly thinking he’s gonna live with you rent free because you haven’t mentioned it. Speak to him about it , your not being cheeky at all he’s the cheeky fucker in this situation

DoubleGauze · 19/08/2022 13:17

I know that the op is sorting this out but I'm shocked at how many threads I've seen recently about women don't feel comfortable talking about money with their boyfriends.

The first thing I did when my husband and I starting 'moving in' discussions was to grab my note pad and show him how much it costs to live at my place. I also talked about adding to the shopping budget and losing the 25% ct discount and also the small amount of hb I was getting at the time. I thought this was standard practice. We also discussed a cooking rota and decided on doing alternate weeks of dinners.

I do hope you get this sorted @louloubellavv but please get out of this mindset that you're asking for handouts. Adults don't live for free and they shouldn't expect to.

mam0918 · 19/08/2022 13:17

TBF me and my DH never once sat down and said 'lets go 50/50', the bill situation just sorted itself over time so I pay electric, phone, internet and he pays gas, water, tv etc...