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Feeling cheeky asking boyfriend for half for bills?

301 replies

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:02

I have lived in my flat (private rent not bought ) for 5 years.
After dating my boyfriend for a year he moved in on Sunday.
I don't know how to approach the bill situation.
Ask how much he will be contributing
I'm lucky my rent is only £400 for 2 bed and at the min my gas /electric is £100
So £500 I'm paying for bills
(Not including CT )
So if we were to go half's £250 each ...it would be such a massive help.
How do I bring it up?
He hasn't mentioned it?
All he has said so far is he will save a fortune now he doesn't have his £650 monthly bills

I know I'm stupid but feel a bit cheeky bringing money up.
I'm independent and can manage my own money -so I feel like I'm asking for a hand out

OP posts:
Cakeandcardio · 19/08/2022 14:44

Not really sure why you are counting half as rent and fuel only? He lives with you, he should pay for half of everything - broadband, council tax, TV licence, food etc etc. You are not his mum. Don't fall into a situation where you subsidise him.

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 14:47

I agree women should be saying no as I’ve been saying in this entire thread

and I think boyfriend/girlfriends who live together are a family
I don’t think families are only about children

but we’re obviously not going to agree so cool

Rockbird · 19/08/2022 15:00

djdkdkddkek · 19/08/2022 13:05

Bad rep?
why didn’t he transfer the money in advance, why hasn’t he brought up the subject, why is the poster anxious about it

the answer the all of the above is because he thought he was onto a winner
did he move in on Sunday with a bag full of food supplies? Not that we can tell. Has he attempted to make an arrangement to pay for anything without it being brought up? No. He sounds like a jerk.

Probably for the same reasons that the OP hasn't mentioned it yet. If he turns out to be a jerk then fine but at least give him the benefit of the doubt till he actually proves he is one.

Jellytottss · 19/08/2022 15:00

£250 isn't a bonus. And £100 each for groceries works out around £25pw each person it's not a lot! Including toiletries and cleaning products.

Why hasn't he offered to pay towards your household? Get a direct debit set up ASAP. Split everything it's only fair OP.

askmenow · 19/08/2022 15:03

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 12:40

Thanks everyone for all your advice
Sorry I can't respond to you all
Tonight after work-I'm writing all my outgoings and having a chat with him and telling him the amount he needs to pay
No pussyfooting around

Be sure to say these are your CURRENT OUTGOINGS for one person.... which will increase as a result of a second person moving in.

Thus probably best to factor in a marginal increase in your costs and add that to the amount he has to contribute right now.

askmenow · 19/08/2022 15:10

Just a thought, are you getting any state benefits because you may lose some of those payments?
You need to inform the various departments asap because they will seek to reclaim any amounts from the date he's added to your council register as having moved in.
So given thats a loss of income to you, consider that cost in your calculations of what to charge him.

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 15:13

Utilities are on a dramatically increasing curve.
Remember that your current bill is not going to be static but likely to increase hugely.
So you will have to look at the bills and adjust on a month by month basis.
Don't forget refuse collection too.

Take your time to inclued everything.

£100 for food is very little.
Is that for basics?
Make sure you are not paying for his toiletries out of that amount.

You need to be very cold eyed at this point or you are going to be used.

No man "accidentally" forgets to pay his share.....it is ALWAYS deliberate.

Same for a friend who lets you pay for coffee always.
Pure meanness and cheeky fuckery.

Naunet · 19/08/2022 15:38

Rockbird · 19/08/2022 15:00

Probably for the same reasons that the OP hasn't mentioned it yet. If he turns out to be a jerk then fine but at least give him the benefit of the doubt till he actually proves he is one.

But he’s already announced how much money he would be saving, strongly implying that he doesn’t think he will be paying anything at OPs, otherwise he wouldn’t be saving all that money, would he?

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 15:39

No I don't claim any benefits only my 25% council tax single person discount
No kids so no tax credits or universal credit or anything.
I just pay my tv licence monthly with a payment card

OP posts:
louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 15:41

I've text him saying "tonight let's sort our finances out now we live together and we can plan what we can save for holidays etc "
He replied
"Yeah no worries I was trying to work out how much monthly I needed to pay"

So he did know he had to pay ...phew

OP posts:
butterflied · 19/08/2022 15:41

Is this the guy who didn't pay rent for three months and faced eviction? I really hope not because then you're exactly where we all said you'd be. Hope you do speak to him regardless. He's already taking you for a mug.

butterflied · 19/08/2022 15:41

Crossposted. Good.

elfycat · 19/08/2022 15:51

Also house chores. Get that down.

With DH I said we needed to spilt the tasks. Which job do you not want to do? I'll do that, but you need to do my next. Then you pick, then I do.

Him: cleaning toilet ( obvious )
Me: washing up
Him: cooking
Me: hoovering

There were more. But those have stuck 20+ years. Laundry is dual ( Generally I put washes in, hang and get in. He splits into piles). He tidied, I clean. Etc.

Best to get the fact that chores are shared in early IMO

MadonnasKebab · 19/08/2022 16:02

Halve everything and pay half each.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/08/2022 16:24

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 15:41

I've text him saying "tonight let's sort our finances out now we live together and we can plan what we can save for holidays etc "
He replied
"Yeah no worries I was trying to work out how much monthly I needed to pay"

So he did know he had to pay ...phew

Good, but remember, this conversation you'll be having isn't a debate. He pays half or he leaves. He does half the housework or leaves. Don't ever be a doormat for a man.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 19/08/2022 16:45

butterflied · 19/08/2022 15:41

Is this the guy who didn't pay rent for three months and faced eviction? I really hope not because then you're exactly where we all said you'd be. Hope you do speak to him regardless. He's already taking you for a mug.

I do hope not.

0live · 19/08/2022 17:05

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 10:10

Well we discussed the food shop and said £100 each and we will grab bits along the month.
My broadband is only £25 so I'm not too bothered plus I had enough money before he moved in so the £250 is a bonus.
Obviously I've lost my single person discount so will actually half that

Ok it’s good that you have raised the subject . I’d consider this a starter for ten.

Sit down tonight alone and go through all your bank statements / credit card inc direct debits etc . Write a list of everything you spend on the house and bills. Every single penny.

Don't forget things like contents insurance you might pay once a year. Tv license, Sky, Wi-Fi.

Then divide that up and tell him he needs to pay his half on the day after he gets paid ( assuming that’s monthly) IN ADVANCE, just like you pay your rent.

Decide what you are doing for food and household costs.

“ We will each grab bits “ is a recipe for disaster, I’m warning you now. His bits will be a carry out and beers him and his mate on a night when you are out. Your bits will be all these tedious expensive things such as laundry power, TP , cleaning materials and dishwasher tablets.

You need a proper kitty to include ALL all of these. Ideally you should set up a new bank account for all costs and both pay into it each month. I’d get one with no overdraft or only a very small one. That way you will soon see if the £500 for bills and the £200 on food is enough.

What will happen about meals out / dates or if you order in food?

Then do the same for housework - write it all down and divide up. Make a wall chart / put it on an app, whatever works for you.

Remember that paying bill is a task in itself.

Make sure it’s not your job to remind him or monitor that he is actually doing His jobs or that you don’t have to “ ask him to help “.

There will never be an easier time to raise all of this than this week. Every week that goes by will make it Harder.

If you don’t sort this now you will end up hating him, I promise you.

.

Brigante9 · 19/08/2022 18:33

Half of everything-rent, bills, council tax, TV package, broadband (service charge on flat?) and adjust as utility bills rise. Who will buy shopping and how will you ensure it’s fair? Who will be doing chores? Please don’t just carry on doing everything yourself! He can’t live for free.

Wallywobbles · 19/08/2022 20:10

Every bill goes in. £25 here, 25 there adds up to 1000s a year. Do try not to be a mug.

Do an excel sheet, based on the last 12 months. Fill it in monthly to start with. By the end of winter you'll have a better idea.

billy1966 · 19/08/2022 20:57

Great post from @Olive.

At the very least there should be a very close eye on grabbing bits and take out food.

Amazing how some men can be very mean.
It is very easy to keep an eye and ensure he pays his half regularly.

YOU should feel a substantial financial benefit to him living in your home, with chores shared equally, if not, dump.

I hope to goodness it isn't the waster who stopped paying his rent to force the OP's hand.

Classic user man tactic.

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 20/08/2022 00:24

How did it go OP?

lisavanderpumpscloset · 20/08/2022 01:08

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 15:41

I've text him saying "tonight let's sort our finances out now we live together and we can plan what we can save for holidays etc "
He replied
"Yeah no worries I was trying to work out how much monthly I needed to pay"

So he did know he had to pay ...phew

Don't be fooled by this.

He may have just said that to make it look like his intention was always to pay but if it was, why didn't he just ask you instead of 'trying to work it out'?

Get the money first and make sure he sets up a standing order. Better still, set up a joint account which both of you pay into, just for bills. Also put his name on the shared bills.

Plenty of time to feel relieved after.

fuckblippi · 20/08/2022 07:48

Hobosexual 😂😂😂

Dbank · 20/08/2022 08:19

Split everything, and open a joint account that you both pay the same amount into. All jointly liable bills are paid out of this account.

If he says no, you know he's a leach and always will be.

Sparklfairy · 20/08/2022 08:38

louloubellavv · 19/08/2022 15:41

I've text him saying "tonight let's sort our finances out now we live together and we can plan what we can save for holidays etc "
He replied
"Yeah no worries I was trying to work out how much monthly I needed to pay"

So he did know he had to pay ...phew

But how could he possibly "work out" how much he needed to pay withput speaking to you at all? Only you know how much your bills are.

Watch out for him trying to wriggle out of paying half. It's very common for people men to say oh ill just pay the extra 25% council tax so you're not out of pocket. Or you'd be paying x amount for energy so I'll just pay the excess I use.

Its very easy for you to be tricked into thinking this is a reasonable request. the only answer is to suggest he can pay more to live elsewhere and have his own bills, where he can pay 75% CT instead of 50% and energy standing charge even if he never showers or cooks and sits in the dark at night