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Original poster

Condoms Found in travel Bag

158 replies

Mismisy · 12/08/2022 20:10

Hello I found 8 sealed condom
packets in my husbands travel
bag. I also found empty viagra bottle , he had used it when we were trying to conceive our 2 nd baby couple of years ago and maybe some Pills were left from those. his name was intact but the address was attempted to
be scratched out . When I confronted him he does travel once in a month or 2 he told me it's for his gay friend who is having some problems and he toldhim to try out this brand of condoms so he took for his friend but the friend did not show up to collect it. Initially he said bottle of pills were old and he discarded them on the way back while crossing the border back into the country from his work trip . I found he had ordered 2 packets of condoms and he showed me and tried to make the count that none were used to his defense . He has been a bit indifferent to me for past one year or so and 2 nd baby has addded to
the stress for sure . But I don't know if he is saying the truth or lying and I m going crazy as that's the only explaination he provided . Any advise ? Thank you

OP posts:
Fixyourself · 13/08/2022 08:47

If he has an iPhone then go into the App Store and see if grinder has been previously downloaded.

girlmom21 · 13/08/2022 08:48

Fixyourself · 13/08/2022 08:47

If he has an iPhone then go into the App Store and see if grinder has been previously downloaded.

Not all gay men use Grindr, you can see if an app have previously been downloaded without getting a professional to look, and why does it matter anyway when he's clearly already a liar

Nothappyatwork · 13/08/2022 09:02

If you’re going through somebody else’s phone your relationship is already over

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Luckymummytoone · 13/08/2022 09:13

Please tell me you don’t actually believe his excuses?

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/08/2022 09:27

Is this taking place in a country where buying condoms is difficult and you have to order them online? Because the notion of a bloke 'buying themonline on a friend's behalf' is bizarre in itself. You just go to Boots, don't you?

Sugaredlump · 13/08/2022 09:34

I had similar experience with ex DH. Found a packet of condoms in a travel bag after he’d been away on a boys holiday. Some had been detached from the rest but none were used. He gave all sorts of excuses, they were ours(no they weren’t), he took them for a friend(no he did not!). Eventually he ‘admitted’(ran out of excuses) that he’s taken them for him just incase. It hurt me so much and I never got over it. His defence was that he hadn’t used them. But the intention was there. I likened it to taking a loaded gun to a fight but not actually shooting anyone. The intention was still there

Original poster
Mismisy · 13/08/2022 09:42

Yes I don't think he is gay. At first he denied saying he does not remember it when I found condoms in his bag and told him he placed 2 boxes of orders then he said they must have expired and then he said he did it want to tell me as I won't believe him but it's for his gay friend whom he has mentioned to me in the past. maybe he said that as that's the only excuse he had handy at that time , also he stays home mostly these trips are not that frequent they are once in 2 months currently or so or so sometimes in winter they were twice a month , so I don't think there is a girl friend type situation but it could be some random paid sexual pleasure is my first hunch. Also I so will like to prove or disprove it one way or the other but I don't know if there is a way to retrieve his trail of events where he went around the time when I think something had happened or started happening is there a way to find out for sure ? For past couple of year or so he is not that open abt his cell phone as he thinks I saw messages from his family members like mom or sister and would get worked up sometimes so he told me he does not want to share the passcode with me , I don't know if there is another way to know what happened I really need to know the truth for my own justice at the same time I don't want to consider him guilty as he got super defensive when questioned again and made me feel
guilty again. This happened in the United States and his gay friend is in Canada he told me the brand of condoms was not easily available in Canada and viagra too is a prescription medicine since he had some expired pills he took it for his friend. Any way I can find out what happened to figure out how to handle what to do next I have 2 kids with me and married for 13 years so it's not that easy to make any assumptions here thank u

OP posts:
Luckymummytoone · 13/08/2022 09:51

Wow - and none of this secretive with his phone, not wanting to have sex with you, finding condoms/viagra is not enough to ‘disprove him?’

MsRosley · 13/08/2022 09:55

I'd guess he's seeing escorts.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 13/08/2022 09:59

The fact that you don't trust him on this issue speaks volumes.

wellhelloitsme · 13/08/2022 10:27

he said he did it want to tell me as I won't believe him but it's for his gay friend whom he has mentioned to me in the past.

He's your husband but he has a best friend you've never met or spoken to?

Come on OP.

This is madness, it's very obvious what's going on.

Sux2buthen · 13/08/2022 10:28

Nothappyatwork · 13/08/2022 09:02

If you’re going through somebody else’s phone your relationship is already over

Bollocks

DamnUserName21 · 13/08/2022 10:33

Gay or straight, he either has cheated or intends to cheat....evidenced by condoms, Viagra and lack of interest in sex with you over 18 mos.
Hate to say it but it's quite unusual for (most) men to go without sex for 18 mos and refuse when offered, IMO.

Original poster
Mismisy · 13/08/2022 11:14

I also had to mention when confronted earlier about his lack of Interest in sex he attributed it to perhaps him being depressed and having mental blockage as his career had lot of instability in the past compounded with arrival of second baby . He always said in the past 18 months he is trying to overcome it so that we can normalize it and told me not to take it personally so everytime I tried to initiate he would have same response we would try to be a little intimate and he would stop saying he is not ina. Mood tired or exhausted and he has a mental blockage . So I was even thinking of Counselling but never thought he could think of parallely doing it with some random people on the side I am so confused and hurt it this actually happened wonder how I can confirm it for sure ?

OP posts:
LilyMarshall · 13/08/2022 11:25

he stays home mostly these trips are not that frequent they are once in 2 months currently or so or so sometimes in winter they were twice a month , so I don't think there is a girl friend type situation but it could be some random paid sexual pleasure

i dont understand your reasoning here. Because it is only once a fortnight in winter and once every eight weeks in summer, it cannot be anything other than a sex-worker? People can go months / years in-between seeing their affair partner / fwb situation. They fit them in when convenient. Once a month is not infrequent at all.

LilyMarshall · 13/08/2022 11:28

Mismisy · 13/08/2022 11:14

I also had to mention when confronted earlier about his lack of Interest in sex he attributed it to perhaps him being depressed and having mental blockage as his career had lot of instability in the past compounded with arrival of second baby . He always said in the past 18 months he is trying to overcome it so that we can normalize it and told me not to take it personally so everytime I tried to initiate he would have same response we would try to be a little intimate and he would stop saying he is not ina. Mood tired or exhausted and he has a mental blockage . So I was even thinking of Counselling but never thought he could think of parallely doing it with some random people on the side I am so confused and hurt it this actually happened wonder how I can confirm it for sure ?

Op, this sounds like it needs exploring too. Therapy of some sort might help.

FictionalCharacter · 13/08/2022 14:04

No gay man asks his straight friend for advice on condoms or viagra. The whole thing is implausible.

Original poster
Mismisy · 13/08/2022 19:13

Thank you , Candepression be cause of lack of sex in spouse ? Also is there a way to tell what happened say few months bk hats his trail of events without having access to his laptop or phone ? Is private detective s possibility to find out what happened ?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/08/2022 20:57

This happened in the United States and his gay friend is in Canada he told me the brand of condoms was not easily available in Canada and viagra too is a prescription medicine since he had some expired pills he took it for his friend.

Rather than his friend going to a doctor (even doing a zoom doctor's appointment) and getting viagra, his story is that he is choosing to break the law, trafficking controlled drugs across an international border, risking his friend's life (because he hasn't consulted a doctor), jail time for him, losing his ability to travel all so his mate can get laid. Also magical condoms which you can't get in Canada, even though there are really quite a lots of brands there, also the internet. And were I his gay friend, there's not a hope in hell I'd take condom advice from a sexually abstinent straight man.

It sounds like a lie because it is one.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/08/2022 20:57

What's the brand of condom BTW?

Herejustforthisone · 13/08/2022 21:08

OP. Surely you can see he’s full of shit? The phone secrecy just about puts the tin lid on it.

Please don’t buy anything he spouts. It’s a farce how bad his lies are. And please don’t yet dismiss the prospect of him being gay or at least curious. The frequency of the trips is a total irrelevance. Total.

You need to dig deep, be brave, tell him calmly you know he’s lying and that it is time to finally start talking.

Deadringer · 13/08/2022 22:48

Your husband is the gay friend

WatermelonSuga · 13/08/2022 23:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

WatermelonSuga · 13/08/2022 23:06

Oh goodness I think I’ve posted in the wrong area and I can’t delete the post. I’m sorry

RampantIvy · 13/08/2022 23:09

Just report your post and ask for it to be deleted @WatermelonSuga