Male colleague touching me on the shoulder, supposedly to get my attention

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

This morning, whilst on a Teams call, I didn't realise that my speakers were on loud until a colleague told me and I was using headphones too.

However, the way he did this, was by coming up to me and placing a hand, quite firmly on my shoulder and then speaking to me. I've always thought this man thinks quite a lot of himself since I first met him a few months ago, he's not unpleasant, but he seems to want to be Mr Popular etc! He was sat in the desk next to me today.

I just found after he'd done it, I felt like it was slightly patronising and I didn't like it, he could've easily spoken to me or even sent me a message I thought.

It's a very male dominated environment I work in but most of my male colleagues are very respectful and wouldn't do what this man did.

What do others think?

I think you're overthinking. He tapped you on the shoulder to get your attention when you couldn't hear him. Perfectly reasonable

If you had headphones on your might not have heard him saying your name. I think you're overthinking this.

He needed to attract your attention - so he touched your shoulder.

You are massively overthink this!!!

@Looneytune253 - yes, but the thing is, I didn't like it and found it a bit patronising. I don't want him to do this again.

So say that to him. He's not psychic.

i think he was perfectly reasonable.

I will do. I don't think he's being pervy in any way but I've worked in a few offices before now where men have touched me up (the good old days eh?) and where one man also grabbed my hand to make me do something and I had to complain, so that's probably why I'm reacting a bit over it.

But it’s such a one off situation, why would he need to do it again?

how else could he have got your attention seeing as you presumably couldn’t hear him?! It seems like a mountain over a molehill to me.

What on Earth 😂

See my post below. Probably yes, but I didn't like it. I never touch people at work.

If I had a sleeveless top on and he touched my shoulder then I would think that it was odd but not if my shoulders were covered.

Dear god, he hasn't touched you up. He put a hand on your shoulder because you had headphones on.

What should he have done instead? Tell him that.

He needed to get your attention quickly as you were presumably disturbing the rest of the office. So he touched your shoulder. End of story.

You need to get several grips.

You had headphones in plus the laptop had people speaking. How would you have heard him if he started speaking to you too? It doesn’t make sense. He just touched you to get your attention

I can't understand why you think its patronising to tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention

You are greatly over exaggerating this.
He did nothing wrong.
He actually helped you.
And he is not to blame from your previous experiences.

I've been know to bark at a man about to puy an arm around my shoulder in a patronising way, but to touch your shoulder to get your attention when you were wearing headphones seems reasonable to me.

This is the standard way to get someone's attention if you think they won't hear you or you don't want to shout.

Why have you titled your post "supposedly to get my attention"? That's exactly what he was doing? Would you feel the same if it was a female colleague?

Big overreaction.

Hi; I think you are maybe a teeny bit overreacting.

I had an male colleagues who would balance on the back of my chair: I’d be like “get off”!!! They also gave me the most massive hugs and kisses when I announced my pregnancy. Neither of them were pervs or inappropriate in any way. Just a wee bit too touchy feely

Jesus, he only touched your shoulder to get your attention.. blimey, what's wrong with folk !

could you say thank you for letting me know I had the meeting on loud speaker to him , BUT that you got a shock when he touched you and to try and get your attention in a different way next time, by perhaps standing in front of you or waving a bit of paper at you/ make hand signals etc. It keeps it light hearted and you’ve told him not to touch you

He had probably tried to get your attention by speaking to you, and you didn't hear or respond because of the headphones and volume.

In that circumstance, a touch on the shoulder is perfectly normal.

Huge over reaction, OP. He had probably spoken but you hadn't heard him. Don't embarrass yourself by making an unnecessary fuss.