Male colleague touching me on the shoulder, supposedly to get my attention

[GonnaGetGoingReturns]

This morning, whilst on a Teams call, I didn't realise that my speakers were on loud until a colleague told me and I was using headphones too.

However, the way he did this, was by coming up to me and placing a hand, quite firmly on my shoulder and then speaking to me. I've always thought this man thinks quite a lot of himself since I first met him a few months ago, he's not unpleasant, but he seems to want to be Mr Popular etc! He was sat in the desk next to me today.

I just found after he'd done it, I felt like it was slightly patronising and I didn't like it, he could've easily spoken to me or even sent me a message I thought.

It's a very male dominated environment I work in but most of my male colleagues are very respectful and wouldn't do what this man did.

What do others think?

A hand on the shoulder or arm is fine.

Overreacting.

I can only repeat what others have said, perfectly acceptable and appropriate and as someone said you wouldnt have this thread if it had been a female colleague

I think a wave to attract your attention would have been better.

How would you liked for him to get your attention if you couldn't hear him?

You didn't like it so that's a boundary to you which is fair enough, however a tap on the shoulder to get a colleagues attention wouldn't normally be seen as inappropriate and most wouldn't think anything of it so he's not going to know not to do it unless you communicate that. Probably unlikely to come up again but if you feel that strongly you we'd ti mention it.

I am REALLY pissed off with what feels like overload of blokes crossing lines at the mo.

but in this case, I think it was probably an instant response to stop himself yelling "turn the effing noise down". I'd give him a pass.

He didn't tap her shoulder - he put his hand on it. Presumably in the way that some people would do with a child to steer them in the right direction.

I wouldn't like it, either. There are many ways to get her attention without doing that, and would he have done that to a male colleague? It's a small thing, but the kind of thing that can be annoying.

I like the pp suggestion of saying something along the lines of :"glad you let me know, but it startled me when you put your hand on me - if I do it again, send a message. Much quicker and easier."

He may have already called your name and you didn't hear him with your headphones on! Would you have had a problem if a female colleague did the same thing? I really feel your reaction is OTT

The thing is she was facing her screen he'd have to lean right round. Probably trying to do it with minimal disruption to the meeting

Unless your boobs are located on your shoulder then I have no idea what your problem is.

How else was he meant to get your attention?

Your being ridiculous because you don't like him and want something to complain about

This.

I would assume someone facing a computer with headphones on on a call wouldn't be receiving messages and probably couldn't hear me.

I'm not even sure I'd register someone tapping me on yen shoulder iyswim? I'd just think someone got my attention and give it

I don't touch anyone at work, it's not that hard. It's hard to know for sure OP as we don't know this man or the way he did it but I don't think you're unreasonable to not like it if that's the way you feel.

I'd probably feel a bit like you.

No one should touch you really, and the way you've worded it doesn't sounded like a tap, but more of a shoulder "hold" which is definitely more than it needed to be and I would read as a dominance thing.

I'd say he's got this one for free but if it happens again, have a word (with his line manager or HR)

I don't think there's anything meant by it. I certainly don't see why it's patronising but I agree there are other ways to attract attention. When learning sign language we were taught to def NOT touch anyone to get attention. Wave hand gently and respectfully in eye line, which i thought was rather sensible.

I am more heightened to this as recently confined to a wheelchair and so many people think it's OK to just handle you. I realise it is mostly done with food intent but fuck off! Don't grab my chair and start maneuvering me. I make my own decisions, am owner of my body and chair and will do what I want, not what you think i want. I will ask for help when I need it (which is too often as society is not equipped for disabled people at all but that's another thread!)

Jesus
Get a Life love

Exactly

It's nothing like 'touching you up'. YABU

It wasn't just a little tap, was it? He placed his hand firmly on your shoulder. I get where you're coming from, even though others don't. It was a physically dominating and possessive gesture used to assert his superiority. He wouldn't have done it if you'd been a bloke, would he?

buy him a nerf gun, he can use that next time he needs to get your attention and you dont hear him

How would you have preferred he get your attention in that circumstance?
Ask him to do that in future.

Gave me a bit of a start etc etc. Could you come round the front of me/wave a hand /whatever next time.

Fgs, YABU.

He wouldn't have done it if you'd been a bloke, would he?

How do you know? If he was trying to get a bloke's attention he might well do exactly the same.

Yep.